The World

Jesus\’ words from ACIM:

  • \”The Holy Spirit begins by perceiving you as perfect. Knowing this perfection is shared He recognizes it in others, thus strengthening it in both. Instead of anger this arouses love for both, because it establishes inclusion. Perceiving equality, the Holy Spirit perceives equal needs. This invites Atonement automatically, because Atonement is the one need in this world that is universal. To perceive yourself this way is the only way in which you can find happiness in the world. That is because it is the acknowledgement that you are not in this world, for the world is unhappy.
  • How else can you find joy in a joyless place except by realizing that you are not there? \”

Before finding A Course in Miracles (a little over a year ago), I tried everything to find happiness. I tried career success and money, relationships, approval of authorities, monastic life, Harley Davidson, positions of trust in organizations, service work and the new age. I\’ve travelled all over the world. My family had a ski cabin and I was an expert skiier by the age of 10. I read books about the art of happiness. I tried it all and always came up short. Finally I quit.

I had decided at the age of 22 that God was the answer. Even though I sought happiness in \”things\” for another 20 years, I constantly had God and meditation on a parallel path. God and meditation have never ceased to be a significant part of my life; even without the enlightenment experience that causes most people to be interested in God.

Reading the above quote, I am off the hook. About 3 years ago, I disenfranchized and marginalized myself. I quit participating in normal human society. I no longer cared about it. What others were doing seemed fake to me and I couldn\’t stand it. I ran long distances. Meditated for hours a day. Fasted for up to 19 days. I practiced \”lectio divina\” for an hour a day. I continue to pray with the ACIM Text twice a day. I didn\’t do these things as discipline or punishment. I did them because they were what I like to do and what makes sense to me to do. The result of my renuncuation of society was it became possible for me to embrace ACIM. I no longer had to worry about anybody\’s approval; and, believe me, the teachings of ACIM are not compatible with what most people believe. In the past year, I\’ve read the ACIM Text 3 times.

For awhile, I felt guilty for renouncing society. I was told it was wrong to just walk away and be by myself. Through ACIM, I\’m off the guilt hook for participating in human affairs. But I am happily on the hook for finding happiness in the abstract. The Christ Self and The Holy Spirit reside in each of us and all of us. God created each of us and all of us. My only happiness is in practicing this reality. Seeing Christ is the only blessing I have to give. I put my faith in this and not in the world. I am off the hook. I don\’t have to go out and get anything or win at anything or care about anything. Social programming is nonsense and I am off its hook. This world is an illusion and I do not put my faith in it.

I live in a world where career goals are programmed into us. They don\’t matter to me. I live in a world where watching TV and over eating are normal. I cannot allow this into my thoughts or energy pattern. You see, it is by walking away from all the social programming that it was possible for me to find something else, ACIM. Now, I stand outside the box. I refuse to go back in. But I have to learn not to hate the box and its contents. This is what Jesus did. He was outside the box and helped other to get outside it.

I just learn the new way of perceiving and practice it. Nothing else matters. In the ordinary sense, I don\’t \”have a life.\” In the extraordinary sense, I am learning to BE ALIVE!

Your Own Relationship

  • What you consider worth cultivating, you will cultivate in yourself.
  • Give \”it (fill in the blank)\” therefore to the Holy Spirit because it does not belong in your mind, which is part of God.

Are you enjoying this blog? A word of caution: you can not know the meaning of a Course in Miracles unless you read it yourself. This little series of sound bites is not understandable by itself.

You can NOT know anything about a Course in Miracles from reading Marianne Williamson.

You can only know by reading it yourself. Read it yourself to find out what Jesus is saying to you, personally. Don\’t you want to know? Go to the source. Don\’t rely on the filtered, dumbed down version. Stop and listen to Jesus. Even if you get through only one word; do it. One word may be all you need to hear for this lifetime. One word may be all you need to instantly enter Heaven.

Do it yourself.

Running in a Warm Wind

  • Whatever you accept into your mind has reality for you.
  • Unnatural thinking will always be attended with guilt.
  • Nothing the ego perceives is interpreted correctly.
  • Guilt feelings show that you believe you can think apart from God, and want to.
  • What you want you expect. What do you want?
  • The Atonement is the remedy for disordered thought.
  • …you must learn to think with God.

Today\’s blog was a waste of time so I erased it.

This morning, at 4 am, I went for a six mile run. It was warm and windy. I am going in a marathon on Labor Day. I am excited.

I have five days off work this weekend. I hope to enjoy the silence.

Peace and Perception

What you perceive is a choice. I can realize that I am mainly perceiving the negative and ask for help with more positive, higher , loving perception. I can go back and re-interpret what I perceived earlier. What ever happened to me today doesn\’t mean anything until I assign it a meaning.

I can choose to assign peace. Transcendence is that simple.

I have the option of hating today; boy was today a bitch of a day! But why hate? Why assign a hateful meaning? I don\’t have to assign a meaning. Jesus, as I sit here, I think it is possible that I was walking in a new pair of shoes today which you gave me so I could walk along not assigning meanings. It is possible for me to not assign hateful and fearful ego meanings. I no longer want any ego meanings. Jesus, help me perceive love; something I\’ve always denied before.

Heaven would look on \”things\” somehow different than I ever have with my ego. I refuse to give today to my ego to make into a hateful resentment. I want Heaven to look through my eyes and see something different. I\’m willing to let Heaven be my consciousness. I will step out of the way.

Inventory

Words of Jesus from ACIM:

  • The Holy Spirit is the idea of healing.
  • Being the Call for God, it is also the idea of God.
  • It is strengthened by being given away.
  • Your brother does not have to be aware of the Holy Spirit in himself or in you for this miracle to occur. He may have dissociated the Call for God, just as you have. This dissociation is healed in both of you as you become aware of the Call for God in him, and thus acknowledge Its being.
  • See him through the Holy Spirit in his mind, and you will recognize Him in yours.

I talked with Jesus this morning. I want to see the Holy in my brothers; but I am very aware of how my ego consciousness actually hates them, totally. I am aware that there are hidden areas inside my consciousness where the ego sits with loaded guns, ready to fire away. As I entered meditation, I asked for help with these defensive areas. As I tried to meditate, the list bubbled up. I wrote down many names and things. I would try to stick the knife in several people\’s backs. I fear my unexpected hair trigger reactions.

Now, this is exactly why I am so enamored with ACIM. It is the only place where I hope to grow and heal out of my defenses. Going to daily Catholic Mass (for several years) didn\’t do it. The ACIM principles are completely different than standard denominational Christianity. I have help from Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have Atonement. I have a practice of Christ Vision and forgiveness to use with others.

But, in ACIM physical bodies are illusions and don\’t matter except as learning devices. So, to practice ACIM, I don\’t have to join the group. My life will never be devoid of people, so I don\’t mean totally getting away from others. I just mean that I don\’t have to join your church or ministry in order to practice. This is a good thing. Almost no church goers are interested in the spiritual life and no ACIM church would be different. In fact, the ideas in ACIM about creation, Jesus, the body, and sin are so radical that hardly anyone wants to accept them. Hardly anyone dedicates themselves to deep studying and practice. So, I don\’t want to join a church where all these fakers are grouped and in my face.

Obviously, I have more healing to do. Don\’t think my hate is worse than yours. I\’ve just uncovered my so I can see it.

The Hand of Love

This morning, I woke up late, 6:30. I had been unable to get out of bed with the alarm at 4. So, the late rising meant a change of plans. I couldn\’t get in a three hour run and also make it to the city for a 10 am AA meeting. I decided: get up now, get in the car by 7, get to Parkville by 8, run 3 laps, buy your coffee and get to the meeting on time. No prayer and meditation on that schedule.

I started running about 7:50. During my run, I was watching my thoughts. I kept identifying thoughts that were clearly ego thoughts and grievances. These, I gave to Jesus and asked Jesus to guide my thinking. \”Jesus,\” I thought, \”I want to have the other consciousness. The one that recognizes the divinity in every other person. (an ACIM tenet) I pray for an intuitive thought, inspiriation of decision.\” I have a hateful attitude towards everyone. I work hard spiritually to get better, and I am; but I recognize that I have a long way to go in having God instead of my ego run my life.

One common thread in my thinking this morning was \”What AA meeting should I go to?\” I didn\’t really want to go to Parkhill, where every body loves eachother and they read from the Daily Reflections and talk about their issues. But, Northtown, where they read from the Big Book and only talk about getting sober, is so stiff and smells like smoke. I turned this over to Jesus. A guy from Parkhill was walking in the park. Having been seen, my ego piped up again, \”What will he think if you don\’t go to the meeting at Parkhill?\” The dilemma continued. I was running well and got 4 laps (10.8 miles) done by 9:40. As I finished the last lap, I asked Jesus again to direct my thinking about which meeting to go to.

Laying on the ground by my car was somebody\’s ipod ear set. I thought, \”Hey! Take that to Parkhill, maybe A. will be there and you can play a joke on her (another story that).\” So, I picked up the head set and planned to tease someone. Thats how I made my choice.

At Parkhill, they read, \”It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours…I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I may never fully understand its deeper why and how.\”

Somehow, this took me back to when I first got sober. I was able to see and feel the hand of God all throught the past 23 years, right up to that morning, and I was able to feel like I loved all the other people at the meeting (even though I usually hate them). I felt gratitude. I almost never feel gratitude. As I felt gratitude for God and these people, I felt love. I never feel love.

So, through prayer, I felt gratitude and love for others this morning. I want to shout it to the world as a momentous occasion. Thus…a blog.

Decisions

What a morning. I was so confused and in turmoil. First I will affirm my choice and then tell my story of how I got there.

The race I am running today is to choose listening to the Voice for God and not defending my ego or taking any sort of ego gratification. My race today is to hang on to my soul; that is the thing of value which I choose.

Now, here is my story. I wanted to go in an unlta-marathon today. The race was to be 50K. I have trained for this and I wanted to prove I could do it. But, on Monday, laying on the floor stretching, I stretched my arms over my head and clinched my abdominals; and something went clunk in my ribs and I was suddenly in pain. The pain is still with me right now, but it is relieved with anti-inflammatories. So I could have taken drugs and gone in the race (31 miles) regardless.

I have been trying to decide about this race all week but I\’ve had a feeling of dread. I had the ribs and hot humid weather hanging over my head. I got out of bed this morning at 4:15 and sat at my table with a cup of coffee and the Course in Miracles Text. Outside was a severe thunderstorm. I was \”painfully\” aware that I wanted to go in the race to save my ego. If I didn\’t go in the race, I wanted a good enough excuse to save my ego\’s face. I could see I was caught in a situation where my ego was arguing with itself. I was trapped with feeling crummy either way I went. How do I choose?

I looked at the ACIM Text: \”God Himself keeps your will alive by transmitting it from His mind to yours…\”

I allowed myself to contemplate this. It reminded me of what it says in the AA Big Book: \”Deep down in every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God.\”

I reached out to the fundamental idea of God and the thing of value which I wanted above all else. In the AA Big Book, when we are in indecision, we are to sit before the Father of Lights and wait. In ACIM it says, \”…you need a new light. The Holy Spirit is the radiance that you must let banish the idea of darkness.\”

I realized I needed a third choice. My turmoil over going in a running race had lead to an exercise in choosing the Voice for God. \”His (Holy Spirit\’s) is the Voice that calls you back…It is possible even in this world to hear only that Voice and no other. It takes effort and great willingness to learn. It is the final lesson that I (Jesus) learned…\”

My third choice is to listen to the Voice and not defend my ego. So I have to somehow live through today and the rest of my life choosing the Voice for God and not defending my ego. My ego want to use this third choice to save face. So the third choice has to be a choice for nothing, no ego gratification.

\”The Voice of the Holy Spirit does not command…It merely reminds. It is compelling only because of what it reminds you of. It brings to your mind the other way, remaining quiet even in the midst of turmoil you may make. The Voice for God is always quiet, because It speaks of peace. Peace is stronger than war because it heals…If you listen to the wrong voice you have lost sight of your soul.\”

So I will go to the city, go to an AA meeting, buy my organic groceries, come home and go for a short run. I must make a decision of purpose: hang on to my soul and not give face to my ego.

Silent Before Truth

  • The Voice of the Holy Spirit is the Call to Atonement, or the restoration of the integrity of the mind.
  • The Holy Spirit is the Mind of the Atonement.
  • The Holy Spirit is the motivation for miracles-mindedness; the decision to heal the separation by letting it go.
  • The Holy Spirit, the shared Inspiration of all the Sonship…
  • He (God) also blessed his children with a way of thinking that could reach back to Him…He (Holy Spirit) represents a state of mind close enough to One-mindedness that transfer to it is at last possible.
  • The Holy Spirit is within you in a very real way…

The lovely words of the ACIM Text…Yet, I hear my ego continue to inform me of my failings. I feel fear. I stand silently before the punishing ego. Something is scaring the hell out of it and it has gone berzerk with fear, even causing physical pain. It must be love. I must be becoming successful with my healing and that is dissolving the ego\’s hold. Only transcendence would cause the ego to redouble its efforts to defeat my healing.

God has \”blessed me with a way of thinking that could reach back to Him.\” The Holy Spirit within me \”represents a state of mind close to One-mindedness…\” I choose to listen to this truth instead of my punishing ego.

Another ego deal is this: my ego doesn\’t know how to let go. I may say to myself, on the one hand, \”I\’ve decided to heal the separation by letting it go.\” But, my ego will refute the decision by saying that I don\’t know how to let go and then prove it by taking my conscious thought to a grievance. Then we start this back and forth game of ego vs consciousness; until I ask for help. Then I get help; but the help is not ego staisfying. What happens is that I just move on a forget whatever the ego was yammering about.

The Atonement is the undoing of the separation; accepted moment to moment. Sometimes I imagine my self as light. Then I look down and see an inky black source spewing out black liquid. The liquid is dissolved and disappears in the light. It has no effect. The ink pollution is neutralized as soon as it appears. This is my visualization of the Atonement. The source of the pollution is the tiny mad idea of separation from God. The light is my true nature. The light dissolves the darkness and I can laugh at it.

Awesome God Lesson

Last evening I was sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of tea. This is my customary location for spiritual reading (lectio divina) which I practice with the ACIM Text. Except for I noticed the barest little suggestive thought, I might not have been there. The little thought was preceeded by a louder thought, \”you don\’t need to study.\” Then the little thought, \”just take your cup of tea to the table and sit down.\” I chose to follow the little thought.

My ACIM Text is always open on the table. I glanced down at it.

  • The ego exerts maximal vigilance about what it permits into awareness…raises control rather than sanity to predominance.

This sentence caused me to pause. The ego is merely a part of my belief system. It is split off from the majority of my mind. But, my world consciousness pays attention mostly to the ego and not the rest of my mind. I paused thinking, \”Wow. I wonder what I am keeping out of my awareness.\” It was awesome to think that I am just ignoring and distorting many things; probably the spiritual things. I wondered and began to enter contemplation…

At that moment, I got a call from a customer service representative from a local car dealership where I had recently purchased a car. She invited me to have my first service there. Now, I had already received a coupon from them for a free oil change, but every time I tried to use it, they said I would have to wait two hours. So I had thrown it away and gone to Jiffy Lube where I could get out in 20 minutes. When the dealer girl called me, I let her know what I thought of their service department and how the only way to use it was to rent a car and leave mine there all day and I wouldn\’t do it for an oil change.

After I hung up, I paused again. Wow! You would think I had been sitting in my kitchen with guns loaded and aimed just waiting for that dealer to call. I was surprised. How much resentment am I carrying, just waiting to fire at some unsuspecting person? I shared this with Jesus. I glanced again at the ACIM Text:

  • By becoming involved with tangential issues, it (the ego) hopes to hide the real question and keep it out of your mind.

It went on to mention ego diversionary tactics as characteristic busyness. Suddenly I had a moment of clarity. My normal consciousness is taken up with tangential issues, characteristic busyness and diversionary tactics which the ego throws out like flac, which is how the ego keeps the spiritual out of my awareness and hides the real question. My whole world is made of the ego\’s tangential issues, characteristic busyness and diversionary tactics. This is how the ego separates me from God. I took my inventory (AA step 10) and made a list of these things:

  1. Should I visit the monastery on Sunday?
  2. How hot will it be for the 50k race this Saturday?
  3. Will the guy from alcohol shipping call at 4 am.
  4. I hate work, and I am afraid of everybody there.
  5. How much money?
  6. I can\’t.
  7. I\’m a failure.
  8. I\’ll never be perfect enough for God to send a revelation.
  9. That girl in kindergarten shouldn\’t have taken my pencil.
  10. etc., etc, etc.

I gave all these things to Jesus (the list was long). I glanced again at the ACIM Text:

  • When you make a decision of purpose, then, you have made a decision about your future effort; a decision that will remain in effect unless you change your mind.

And there you have it. I have never really made a decision of purpose. I just make decisions about characteristic busyness and tangential issues and diversionary tactics. I really have never had a decision of purpose that hasn\’t gotten lost each day or which I haven\’t changed my mind about an hour later. Example of a decision: don\’t eat any junk today. Changed my mind: well now I think a packet of cheezits would be ok.

The ego\’s thoughts are at the level of control not sanity: junk food will kill me, why ever eat it? To find sanity, I have to ask the question which the diversionary tactics hide: What for? What is the purpose? The ego\’s purpose is boredom and resentment. I can choose to ask Jesus everything and let Jesus guide me in everything. I can decide that I don\’t want to live an entire life stuck in resentment and busyness and issues. I can decide!!!!

But, I still wasn\’t able to focus on a decision of purpose. My wandered off and I began reading a book. I hope I get into decisions today. I\’ll have to ask Jesus and decide to follow guidance. I glanced again at the Text:

  • Your gratitude to your brother is the only gift I (Jesus) want. I will bring it to God for you, knowing that to know your brother is to know God. If you are grateful to your brother, you are grateful to God for what He created. Through your gratitude you come to know your brother, and one moment of real recognition makes everyone your brother because each of them is of your Father.
  • Salvation is a collaborative venture. It cannot be undertaken successfully by those who disengage themselves from the Sonship, because they are disengaging themselves from me. God will come to you only as you will give Him to your brothers. Learn first of them and you will be ready to hear God.

Now, I had to stop. No, I am not grateful. I want to hear God, but I want to throw away the rest of the Sonship. Jesus, we need to talk. I need your help.