Daniel Day 23 – Breakthru

Why God?

Do you ask this question?

Earlier today I quoted:

  • God is the light in which I see.
  • My ego has endless prescriptions for avoiding catastrophic outcomes.

So….I am on a Daniel Fast. My workplace is having big labor issues (I just learned this morning that they are huge). I fantasize about being highly spiritual and above labor/management conflicts. The economy could scare me; fearing a lack of money. I fantasize that I will lose my job or my savings and be poor…but not have to keep working at this difficult place.

God, how do these pieces fit together?

Daniel served in a corrupt foreign oligarchy; but he did not defile himself. He loved and served God, even in such a violent place. Daniel was a peaceful vegan in a world of violent meat eaters. Daniel was given knowledge of the Book of Truth.

I am finding I have knowledge of the Book of Truth. Knowledge of the Book of Truth is a revelation in Mind connectivity: I see the pattern. It is about developing my inner strength and living according to Truth, no matter what the outer world looks like. It hit home just a few minutes ago: Disaster is what my ego does; but I have sought God to be my light, my source. I live hand to mouth just like \”Peace Pilgrim.\” I\’m totally reliant on God, not on a savings account. No one on earth is really reliant on anything but SOURCE. I won\’t lose my job. I\’ll have to stay here and help this company work through its difficulties by being a peaceful vegan in a meat eater world. My ego worries about economies and makes endless prescriptions for self defense. Allowing God to be my light, I know I just have to do what is put in front of me today; BUT WITH MY WHOLE HEART. God is the light in which I see: just fulfill my purpose of teaching peace. Where is the best place to teach peace but in the middle of a conflict? Who is not in the middle of a conflict?

The person on a spiritual fast is sometimes asked for more; to meet greater challenges. My ego would like to somehow escape responsibility and difficulty and pretend to live on higher spiritual ground. After all, don\’t spiritual people evolve into teaching masters and not soil themselves with stressful capitalism? Living in the light of God, I know I have to meet and learn to read The Book of Truth; at my utmost in each challenge. I am helping a bunch of selfish meat eaters save their company because I am Daniel and this is where God wants me to work.

At the start of this fast, I listed my intentions. Being granted the Book of Truth was one of them. The Book of Truth is not written in words; but intuition and knowing. Everyday, I can, if mindful, read a little more of the Book.

Daniel Day 23

  • God is the light in which I see.
  • Be determined to remember.
  • The ego has endless prescriptions for avoiding catastrophic outcomes.

It has been on my mind a lot the past few days how busy people are. Few people have time for friendships because they are so busy. If you talk to them, they list off all these obligations that seem mandatory. Some people say \”I\’m real busy\” as a matter of ego bolstering, or (heaven forbid) defense. What do you say when you see their big wall of obligations; knowing it is form not content but it effectively keeps you out? I walk away sad because I can’t reach my friend. Busyness is a type of attack. We don\’t mention the effect of our own choices and the fact that the content of our lives is something that we choose.

Voluntary simplicity has a lot to do with making time for nothing and learning to be at peace with nothing. My semi-eremitical life is centered on free time. I really don’t know any people in my face-to-face world who are intent on allowing free time. I spend a good deal of the time meditating. My meditation has become peaceful, just sitting with the light and contemplating its presence. I am free from the enlightenment rat race and happy to just be able to sit. In my nothingness, I am viewed or judged as selfish, or as not benefitting society. I just bear the guilt and see others as children of God in the light with me.

People are victims of busyness; probably ignorant of how to break the addiction. Fear abounds if you dare to just drop something. Leaving empty space is impossible for most. Those of us who make that attempt feel guilty for our freedom. People ask me what is going on for me and I have nothing to say. Anything that goes on is spiritual; and can’t be condensed to a sound bite. My outer life is just a store front for my inner life. My exterior life tells me what content I have picked for that day. I am determined to remember God.

In my fear of catastrophic outcomes, I sit tight and open my mind to the idea that God is my source and not this ego world. God is the light in which I see; and I am determined to remember.

The form of my life: I get up at 3 in the morning. I spend until 4:30 in spiritual study and meditation. I ride the exercise bike and lift weights until 5:30. I change clothes, gather my water, and drive the 1.5 miles to work; arriving before 6. I work until 11:30 and then go home for lunch. I work until 3. Then I come home to an evening of solitude: exercise, shower, spiritual study, meditation and make juice for the morning. I go to bed about 8:30. The content of this activity is prayer. I am determined to remember God.

Last evening and again this morning, I had the grace to see the light in my meditation. I had the grace to just watch it and not demand enlightenment of it.

Learn to be satisfied drinking pure water and you will feel simplicity in your gut; full satisfaction.

Daniel Day 22

  • Health is nothing more than united purpose. If the body is brought under the purpose of the mind, it becomes whole because the mind\’s purpose is one…apart from the mind, the body has no purpose at all.
  • The power of wholeness is extension. Do not arrest your thought in this world, and you will open your mind to creation in God.

Maybe more later. I am at peace.

Daniel Day 21 – Vows

  • …the ego\’s temple thus becomes the temple of the Holy Spirit, where devotion to Him replaces devotion to the ego. In this sense the body does become a temple to God; His Voice abides in it by directing the use to which it is put.

The past week or so, I have had the distinct feeling that my life is not my own. My war against The Church suddenly ended, leaving me wondering what it was all about. I wondered if my anger was a strange sickness suddenly healed, or a demon suddenly cast out. Further, I spent my day Saturday at a nearby monastery (actually, I live just down the street). I have never really liked that place, but yesterday, I was listening happily to talks by the sisters and appreciating the new people I met.

I spent nearly four years of my life in formation with a Benedictine community (different than this one near my house). However, the day before I was to make my vow, I found my life suddenly upended as I was asked to leave. It was strange, but I am sure it was an intervention of the Holy Spirit, for the Spirit\’s purposes. But suddenly, all that Benedictine teaching was meaningless as I put my life back together out here in the world. I knew I was a monk; having no interest in family life and wanting to spend all my time on contemplative prayer. But, I had no connection to being a Benedictine in my solitary life.

One thing, however, that always fascinated me was Benedict\’s 12 steps of humility. There is also Guigo\’s ladder for monks, with 12 rungs. I always saw ways to connect these to the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Just as Benedict saw the entire universe in a single ray of light and a Buddhist might see it in an apple; I see it in 12 steps. 12 steps to where? Conscious contact with a Power Greater Than Myself.

In the monastery, as you approach making your vows, they give you a special piece of paper and you hand write out the vows. I wrote out my intention to remain faithful to the Benedictine vows of obedience, stability and conversatio. As I wrote these out, I felt God standing over my shoulder and I knew He was taking them seriously from that moment. Early in the morning before I was told to leave the monastery, I had an intuition that such a thing could happen. I told God that I would be faithful to the vows whether I carried them out in the monastery or out of it.

I have kept them in a strange way. Obedience is to the Spirit\’s leading, to shamelessly follow Jesus, even when it seemed away from what I had been taught by authorities. Stability to contemplation, ongoing consistency in silent meditation and the humble worship that implies. Conversatio (conversion of morals) is the ongoing practice of taking my ego thought inventory and offering it to the healing light of Jesus.

On Saturday, as I listened to talks by the sisters, it began to dawn on me that maybe they could help me figure out why God made me a Benedictine. I\’m not ever going to be a nun; but for some reason, I went completely through a Benedictine formation program. The Spirit does not waste things. So why this?

I don\’t know; maybe though I have a way to learn.

Daniel Day 19

  • You who are beloved of God are wholly blessed.
  • You do not understand this because you who are GOD\’S OWN TREASURE do not regard yourself as valuable.

I have to stop, pause and consider the fact: I am beloved of God. The idea is not instinctive to me. The truth is the opposite of everything I thought about myself for many years. I find I am capable of being open to the idea. I am willing to lay down everything else and accept this idea. I am also willing to extend the idea to others; everyone is beloved of God and wholly blessed. What a simple way to live.

Daniel Day 18

  • You cannot make yourself unworthy because YOU ARE THE TREASURE OF GOD, and what He values is valuable…because its value lies in God\’s sharing Himself with it and establishing its value forever.
  • Let us glorify Him Whom the world denies.

Yesterday, I made it until lunch time on water only. Then last night, as I was having a bite to eat, I realized that I was having the same old thought, \”I didn\’t eat this morning so I can over-eat now.\” I recognized the thought. I also realized that had I been playing free cell on the computer at the time I was eating, I would have been powerless over that thought and gone on to obey it: over-eating (even Daniel foods) and then experiencing guilt and feeling shame. If you are trying to quit anything (drinking, drugs, sex, coffee, TV, smoking, etc.), this thinking is how you live your life.

Here is what I have been doing, how I have been living: I cheat the present by basing it on past or future gluttony or presumed goodness. It becomes time for contemplation: living according to this thought is not living according to Holy Spirit\’s thinking. The thought goes very deep into every area of my life. Praying for healing of this thought, for everyone, brings freedom from bondage for us all. Goodness is only in the now. Captivity is to say, \”I can be bad now (over-eat) because I am going to be good later.\” Being good later almost never happens. Even if you are good later, you paid a price in shame no matter what.

Fasting is renouncing the world: worldly programming that it is ok to cheat the present (want some shame-producing-thing of the world) because you can make it up later. Fasting is finding the pearl of great price: Fasting removes the soil from the knowledge of God\’s presence within (my true heart) and helps me to want that more than any unhappiness. Fasting brings about the return of the prodigal: Fasting lifts our head from the pig food and causes us to want to come home to our Father; and we discover how much he loves us, giving us pure food.

God wants us to be free and stand in His light. All I have to do is step out of the shadow now, not later. \”YOU ARE THE TREASURE OF GOD.\” Let this thought sink in. You will see that the way you treat yourself and others completely changes; especially since \”they\” (you know, those people you can\’t stand) are also the treasure of God.

My life is about content, not form. The rules of fasting which I follow are a form. Forms don\’t matter. Within the form, I find content. Content does matter. It is the only thing that matters. My thoughts bring me to heaven or keep me out. Forms come in many forms: illness, aging, athletics, career, busyness, debt, addiction, religion, etc. They all have content. Spirituality is living in the content not the form. Contemplation is discovering the content.

Fasting is not difficult if you do it right: no suffering involved.

Here is an interesting link: http://worldpeacediet.org/images/WorldPeaceDiet07.pdf

Daniel Day 17 – Water?

From ACIM:

  • Let the Love of God shine upon you by your acceptance of me (Jesus).
  • When you unite with me (Jesus) you are uniting without the ego…Our union is therefore the way to renounce the ego in you.
  • Would you know the Will of God for you? Ask it of me (Jesus) and you will find it…
  • Ours is simply the journey back to God who is our home. Whenever fear intrudes…it is because the ego has attempted to join…sensing defeat and angered by it, the ego regards itself as rejected and becomes retaliative.
  • Never accord the ego the power to interfere with the journey…reach beyond all attempts of the ego to hold you back…Reach therefore for my (Jesus\’) hand because you want to transcend the ego.

Three ideas on my mind today: how union with God is very quiet; realizing the deeper depth of surrender to Jesus I desire; how the thought of drinking only water for the morning at work scares me, but it is an ego fear and mirrors our money fears.

Since beginning the Daniel Fast, I reduced my caffeine intake to green tea in the morning. Also, I have been eating only raw food without preservatives, organic as much as possible, no sugar or leaven. These things have helped my emotions (ego) to quiet down. At first, the idea of giving up coffee made me fear being dull. Now, the state of peace in which I currently am, is quiet, wordless, emotionless, dull. My ego really hates residing in peace. When I am in peace, I know I have joined with Jesus because peace is what Jesus gives. It is hard for me to understand that the lack of strong emotion is peace and union with God. I have spent so many years searching for divine ecstasy; when Jesus\’ peace is simple and quiet.

My ego has spent years accusing Jesus of not loving me because I can\’t really sense Jesus emotionally. I realize how much of the ego\’s desires I have yet to release and how much I want Jesus to guide my life. All my fear and hatred and dissatisfaction and doubt stem from the ego, not the Voice of God. I want Jesus to guide my thinking. When Jesus is guiding my thinking, good decisions and peace are the natural course of things. Uniting myself with Jesus means we operate as one; with no discernable difference. This means my ego cannot detect Jesus. The ego is transcended, yet angry because it received no special satisfaction from God. People are continuously defeated by backward thinking which says that true alliance with Christ means a special relationship with God.

I am on a Daniel Fast, which means water and vegetables. For this morning, I wanted to drink only water because it would help me to remember to pray. The idea scares me; but I think it is my ego that is scared. As I drink only water and pray, ego is transcended. My focus is beyond the ego. That is the secret of ACIM \”forgiveness;\” look beyond what the ego is seeing and saying. Beyond the ego, present in every person, is Christ, the divine presence, God. Boy, do I want to know that.

This morning, we had thunderstorms. I sat at my table, listening. Some rain started quite suddenly and then it stopped extremely suddenly, leaving silence instead. Peace is very silent. The talent to tolerate silence can be cultivated through the spiritual practice of renunciation and simplicity.

Daniel Day 16 – Musings

Wow, already 16 days.

My mind has been very quiet for a couple of days, no burning issues to discuss.

Daniel (I mean Daniel from the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament) watched kings come and go; working in their governments, fasting and praying, serving his God no matter what. Daniel had visions and supernatural challenges, but seemed to just stick with his humility, prayer, vegetables and water despite all that. In a sense, Daniel seemed to live simply, despite job pressures. He didn\’t want fine clothes or the king’s dainties. Many years went by between events and Daniel lived a long time; but the daily grind was about prayer, vegetables and water. The future was revealed to Daniel but he carried it secretly; all the while praying, fasting and going to work.

Our world is in turmoil; but serving our God will keep us safe. Money comes and goes. Most of us harbor fear in proportion to our money; instead of entering into the divine without defenses. I am actually quite vulnerable. I only pretend my defenses keep me safe. I need to look beyond the walls to see the Light of Truth.

Daniel was a captive of a foreign government. He didn’t believe in their religion and didn’t partake of their society. He did what was asked of him but did not give up his God. This morning, it dawns on me: I could do what Daniel did. I do not agree with our society and I don’t partake of it; but I can do what is asked of me. “Suiting up and showing up” is one of my talents.

Fasting is difficult; because we habitually seek palliatives instead of facing our fears, entering, walking through their dark clouds, and finding God on the other side of them.

I deeply wish for more Jesus consciousness and awareness. O Man dressed in white linen, shine in my heart. In the mean time, I’ll pray, fast and go to work.

Daniel Day 14 – Jesus the Light

Here is what Jesus said in Chapter 8 of ACIM:

\”I am come as a light into a world that does deny itself everything. It does this simply by dissociating itself from everything. It is therefore an illusion of isolation, maintained by fear of the same loneliness that is its illusion. I said that I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. That is why I am the light of the world. If I am with you in the loneliness of the world, the loneliness is gone. You cannot maintain the illusion of loneliness if you are not alone. My purpose, then, is still to overcome the world. I do not attack it, but my light must dispel it because of what it is. Light does not attack darkness, but it does shine it away. If my light goes with you everywhere, you shine it away with me. The light becomes ours, and you cannot abide in darkness any more than darkness can abide wherever you go. The remembrance of me is the remembrance of yourself, and of Him Who sent me to you.

You were in darkness until God’s Will was done completely by any part of the Sonship. When this was done, it was perfectly accomplished by all. How else could it be perfectly accomplished? My mission was simply to unite the will of the Sonship with the Will of the Father by being aware of the Father’s Will myself. This is the awareness I came to give you, and your problem in accepting it is the problem of this world. Dispelling it is salvation, and in this sense I am the salvation of the world. The world must therefore despise and reject me, because the world is the belief that love is impossible. If you will accept the fact that I am with you, you are denying the world and accepting God. My will is His, and your decision to hear me is the decision to hear His Voice and abide in His Will. As God sent me to you so will I send you to others. And I will go to them with you, so we can teach them peace and union.

Do you not think the world needs peace as much as you do? Do you not want to give it to the world as much as you want to receive it? For unless you do, you will not receive it. If you want to have it of me, you must give it. Healing does not come from anyone else. You must accept guidance from within. The guidance must be what you want, or it will be meaningless to you. That is why healing is a collaborative venture. I can tell you what to do, but you must collaborate by believing that I know what you should do. Only then will your mind choose to follow me. Without this choice you could not be healed because you would have decided against healing, and this rejection of my decision for you makes healing impossible.

Healing reflects our joint will. This is obvious when you consider what healing is for. Healing is the way in which the separation is overcome. Separation is overcome by union. It cannot be overcome by separating. The decision to unite must be unequivocal, or the mind itself is divided and not whole. Your mind is the means by which you determine your own condition, because mind is the mechanism of decision. It is the power by which you separate or join, and experience pain or joy accordingly. My decision cannot overcome yours, because yours is as powerful as mine. If it were not so the Sons of God would be unequal. All things are possible through our joint decision, but mine alone cannot help you. Your will is as free as mine, and God Himself would not go against it. I cannot will what God does not will. I can offer my strength to make yours invincible, but I cannot oppose your decision without competing with it and thereby violating God’s Will for you.\”

I know that is alot! However, I read these words slowly and pray with them for more than a day. They taste so good to me. I feel so safe in Jesus with them. They help me turn my will and my life and all my opinions over to Jesus. My disease is hard-heartedness; but I know Jesus can shine it away.

Daniel Day 13 – Communion

Daniel chapter 6, verse 10:
\”…he got down upon his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God…\”

Daniel did this knowing he would be cast into the lions den for worshipping his God. This passage quickens my heart because I feel my God connection when I let the words sink in. Getting on the knees is symbolic of dismissing the ego and turning to God; the one and only Source. The inner God connection satisfies my hunger and thirst. It is the only thing. As I think of it and connect with it, the word communion comes to mind. It is in the prayer which connects me to all that is which gives me communion. I am excited to live out a form of communion in the church this afternoon.