“You may wonder why it is so crucial to look upon your hatred and realize its full extent.”
“Under the ego’s dark foundation is the memory of God and it is of this that you are really afraid.”
Yes, absolutely I spend a good deal of time looking within. I admit the fear that is there. I try to explore the fear as a doorway to the beyond. The self that I really am is inside, beyond the ego and the material world ego consciousness. The magnificence of the human is deeper that my petty life of money and work. I want to examine my fear in order to remember God. I mean really remember.
Sitting in the silence, I stare the demons down.
Running in the winter darkness, I have defied my ego. I have defied society. I become simply an energy phenomenon flowing through eternity, where God is.
I take a drink of distilled water. Transcendence is my vocation.
Yes, I think too much; according to some. Yes, I try too hard; according to some. I know I am perceived as foolish or ignorant or suffering. No one ever got to be world class by sitting on the couch watching TV and eating cookies. No one ever got to be a marathoner without doing the training. Marathoning is very unappealing to many. The work of ego deflation is also very unappealing. Jesus says in the ACIM text, we must make ourselves ready. We look at our fears and hatred and give it to him. If it is me that is blocking me from the sunlight of the spirit, then I need to follow Jesus’ instructions and take the steps needed to transcend the ego thought system.
There is another reality beyond this meaningless and frightening world. To find it and live in it requires changing all my beliefs. The heart of the process is detachment. This process is freedom. Yet it scares people. They rationalize that all that work is not necessary. Baby steps are necessary. After 25 years of baby steps, my reality may seem strange, marginalized. It is. I am outside the box of normal life.
Now, I have work to do. I will probably be in the hot seat for a little while today. I will probably have to stand outside in the cold for a little while. I am on vacation next week. But all that is meaningless. It is the ego level of consciousness, which is meaningless. In the middle of it, I am spirit.