The Love of God – Juice Fast Day 4

To blog or not to blog. I am low on caffeine, so my mind is very quiet.

Today\’s ACIM workbook lesson: \”I am sustained by the Love of God.\” The explanation of the lesson encourages us to put all our faith in God, not idols or trivial and insane replacements for the love of God (overeating, TV, money, problems, decorating our bodies, ego pride practices, etc.).

The lesson encourages me to remember the phrase as often as possible. To which I add my desire: I don\’t want the words to be an empty effort. I want my heart to open and the Love of God to be real.

This lesson works well with my juice fast which is now on day 4. [Once again I repeat: when I juice fast, I get more nutrition that I do when eating whole food because it is concentrated without the fiber. Juice fasting is a powerful health restorative.] On a juice fast, I lose all my little daily props which get me through the day because they are partial anaesthetics. I have none of my mind numbing techniques which help me avoid facing God. Do I believe in God? Do I believe God is love? What is love? Do I want God to love me? Do I think God pretty much doesn\’t know I exist? This is the desert. Jesus is walking with me.

Today, part of my focus is to touch the inner place where God is, and project that out, seeing that everything is His Presence.

I started this fast thinking that I wanted to detox and rely on God more. I\’m going to be 50 on January 12, time for a new outlook on life. I want to find new, \”enlightened\” ways of being. Last night, I asked Jesus, \”Why really am I doing this? In my words, not someone elses.\” I received these five words:

  • CHANGE – new paradigms of thought and purpose
  • RECEIVING – letting God do everything
  • PEACE – fasting ends the inner fights and wars. Also, today is day 4 of my fast and day 4 of Isreal attacking Gaza.
  • LOVE – That is being love. The last thing most people would think of to do to increase love would be fasting; but somehow, I think love is what Jesus found in the desert.
  • TRUST, FAITH – How foolish does fasting appear to be, but God uses it as an environment for greater reliance on Him.

Today I got up at 3, my usual time for spiritual study and meditation. I went for a run at 4:30. Then I went to WalMart for 4 pears and 2 yams and distilled water. I found a juice recipie for joggers which I will make later (2 pears, 1 yam and 4 oranges).

Now I am at work and drinking distilled water.

A Course in Miracles

When you pick up The Course, decide to take it seriously, and devote your energy and effort to learning, then you enter a very intimate and personal relationship with Jesus which is like no other. It is prolonged; even a sample of eternal living. Jesus helps you examine yourself and change your perception in ways you never dreamed possible.

This evening, I meditated briefly on my lesson for today (God is the strength in which I trust), and discovered this huge gaping hole in my psyche. How little I trust and rely on God! I looked at my retirement plan, the locks on my doors, my careful dietary plan, all the little games I play with people to ensure that they not only approve of me but that they don\’t cheat me. Religion itself is one big spiritual insurance policy, based on the idea that God could punish us. I can\’t just stop my lack of trust, but as I take my inventory, I offer what I find to Jesus. Then it is in his hands and I can cease to worry about it.

I must trust and rely on God. None but a Higher Power can restore me to sanity.

Juice Fasting Disclaimer

I feel compelled to mention, because I am aware of ignorant doubters, that when I juice fast, my body actually gets supercharged with nutrients and is in a condition to better absorb what it needs, without having to digest anything. So…I am not starving! Juice fasting is a skill and an artform; you don\’t just quit eating and expect to accomplish anything.

Also, the main difficulty is the mental obcession with eating. Working with this contemplatively is part of the gift of fasting.

I will share my journey; its ups and downs.

Remembering God

One of the reasons I maintain a contemplative life is for the purpose of remembering God. I need to give time to Silence. It is important. I seem to want this more than many people who are mainly busy; so my conscious contact does remember God for everyone. If you ask me to pray for you, what you get is me remembering God for you.

From ACIM:

  • There is no pain, no trial, no fear that teaching this (Atonement, release from guilt) can fail to overcome. The power of God Himself supports this teaching, and guarantees its limitless results.
  • For peace is the acknowledgement of perfect purity (innocence), from which no one is excluded.
  • The power of God draws everyone to its safe embrace of love and union.
  • Teach peace with me (Jesus), and stand with me on holy ground. Remember for everyone your Father\’s power…

In my silence, I contemplate the power of God within. The power of God is within everyone, and as I sit in silence, I remember it for each one who may have forgot. This is my gift to the ego world.

Today, I got up at 5 am; and it was raining. I flipped on the computer and looked at the radar. Freezing rain was very close. So, I moved my car from the garage up to the street; and went back to bed. No trips to the city this morning. When I got up again at 8, I looked out on ice encrusted trees.

Today I think I am beginning a 7 day juice fast for the purpose of cleansing body, mind and spirit. A juice fast is a gift to me. Giving myself a vacation from eating is a gift. I considered my feelings about a juice fast in relation to the power of God. My main fear of a juice fast is that I will cheat and not finish it; hence feeling guilty and ashamed. Looking at this fear, I understand why I would hesitate. ACIM will teach me that it is an ego fear, designed to stop me; and not a Holy Spirit creation. The power of God is limitless. Do I believe it? Do I believe the power of God would support me in giving myself a gift? Do I trust that power to enable my fast, which is really a prayer opportunity?

Truly, each has to answer for themself: Do you believe in God? Do you believe that He made you good and supports your journey toward remembering? Often, we wait until we are in dire straits before asking God for help, or even remembering God in any way. Please, give God some regular time. He will take your miniscule \”carving out\” time for holy remembering.

May we someday realize that God is the only reality and fling ourselves upon the Divine Presence with our entire lives. It is that momentous, that audacious, that wonderful: to live in the Divine Presence AND KNOW IT.

Shalom, time to go running.

Awesome Freedom

I am wrapping up my Christmas holiday with an elated state of mind; almost as if I had just crossed the finish line of a marathon. I spent Christmas breaking the Christmas rules. I even broke the Christian rules. I did not do what you are supposed to do. As I constantly kept returning my mind to the Light, time passed and I came to a new realization. Christmas is not real. All it is is a set of ego rules. If it was real, I\’m sure the Holy Spirit or Jesus would have mentioned it. But, all I see in Christmas is ego rules for what you \”should\” do; and if you don\’t follow the rules, your ego screams. My ego told me how I better be terrified if anyone finds out I broke the rules; there could be repercussions for non-believers.

So… I laughed. My ego is the tiny mad idea. As a Son of God, I remembered to laugh. I remembered to look beyond this world and use Christ vision to see only Light. I am sinless. I am not guilty. No one is guilty. All are sinless. We are in God; always safe and always at peace. Christmas is just an ego dream, an illusion; not real. Peace is real.

Pure Running

This morning I got up at 7. That is the second alarm clock free morning in a row. I must really have needed sleep. During my meditation, I heard a diesel engine out front. I knew it was the fire department, though they had drove up sans-siren. I went to the front room to look out. Yep…fire engine and ambulance. They went in the house next door. Al lives there. Al lives alone, like me. They brought him out on the gurney. He was sitting up, appeared to be awake. He still had on his security guard shirt. He is in his 70s and works as a night security guard. He must have called the ambulance himself. Some day I\’ll probably have to do that. It is a humbling thought.

A little later I went for a 10 mile run. I got to feel the refreshing, soul cleansing wind into my face and through my psyche. I needed that.

For reasons of conscience, I don\’t participate in the material world ritual of Christmas. In other words, I am a conscientious objector. I feel friction between me and other people. If I was gay, I imagine, I\’d feel this friction all the time. Luckily, my friction will be over quickly.

I deeply believe in honoring my inner guidance to let the worldly pretending go; but it is such a counter-cultural practice, I don\’t find it easy. Most people encourage me to give up and join in. I\’ve taken the going-along approach also; but find myself worse off emotionally than if I stay my chosen spiritual course.

I am a work in progress; but my goal is detached love. If I keep learning and following my inner guidance, I will eventually arrive at the Christ consciousness and Christ vision. I believe this strongly enough that I keep to contemplative practice even when it is unpopular; even when I feel my own shortcomings in carrying out God\’s benign constant love. I care a lot about loving others, but not in the usual ways; that is by participating in the physical world ritual dance.

I have to work tomorrow. I\’ll have to suck it up; and pretend once again.

My Gift

The greatest gift I have to give all humanity this Christmas is to sit before The Father of Light, receive His Peace and project His Peace. Everyone will be touched in some way by His Peace.

I am in your heart and you are in mine. There is nothing greater than this Great Love which truely exists. This Reality is Heaven. The experience of it is the most magnificent thing possible.

I kneel before you and hold out His Peace.

Amen

Choosing

The rubber meets the road. Put up or shut up. Shi* or get off the pot. When push comes to shove. When Course meets world. What do we do? These times of seeming turmoil over a decision are intensive times of spiritual practice. For an ACIM Course student, they are times of: choosing the Holy Spirit instead of the ego; accepting the Atonement; forgiving; choosing happiness over guilt; choosing love over fear; etc.

From the Text: \”Each day, each hour and minute, even each second, you are deciding between the crucifixion and the resurrection; between the ego and the Holy Spirit. The ego is the choice for guilt; the Holy Spirit is the choice for guiltlessness. The power of decision is all that is yours…there are no alternatives except truth and illusion.\”

So, what should I do? This or that? Or maybe this other? Which one would I choose because I would feel more guilty if I didn\’t? Which one would I choose because I am more afraid of those people\’s feelings than these?

Jesus and the Holy Spirit are giving me a work out on this one. I explore my guilt and fear, and give it to Jesus. What I do cannot be based on the form of illusion but the content of the Holy Spirit\’s teaching. \”Shining quietly within is the Atonement.\” \”My errors never occurred.\”

I am at work. I am drinking distilled water. I worked out this morning and will do another work out this afternoon. I practice The Course. \”May I bring peace…\” I choose truth: \”God is everywhere and His Son is in Him with everything.\” My ego\’s dream always offers disappointment. I don\’t delude myself on this. What ever the ego world offers me, I have to return to The Course and use it to heal my mind, offering a different way of seeing to others, teaching only peace.

I do not choose to \”do\” this or that. I choose to sit quietly with Love and project peace. This or that will happen. My body may be in one place or another. Christ is my vision and my consicousness.

I am a spiritual athlete. I am always training and working out.

Guilt

Short of moving to Somalia and dying of starvation, I am guilty of materialism. My only way out is a spiritual breakthru. Since A Course in Miracles directly addresses the issue of guilt and its origin in the ego, I have a viable spiritual path.

This morning, I was studying ACIM. I refreshed something that struck me yesterday:

  • For truth is true. What else could ever be, or ever was? This simple lesson holds the key to the dark door that you believe is locked forever. You made this door of nothing, and behind it is nothing. The key is only the light that shines away the shapes and forms and fears of nothing. Accept this key to freedom from the hands of Christ Who gives it to you, that you may join him in the holy task of bringing light.
  • The vision of Christ is given the very instant that it is perceived. Where everything is clear, it is all holy. The quietness of its simplicity is so compelling that you will realize it is impossible to deny the simple truth. For there is nothing else. God is everywhere, and his Son is in him with everything. [bold and blue mine]

I had started out this morning feeling like I was lacking my God connection. At least I couldn\’t seem to find it. I talked to Jesus about this. I realized I was feeling guilty for not knowing God \”good enough.\” The origin of guilt in ACIM is that a tiny mad idea wanted to be special, but God cannot make specialness out of pure Love, so the tiny mad idea left God and Heaven by creating this delusion we call the world. We have since felt guilty for leaving God, whom, we love and Who loves us. The world is our projected guilt. ACIM encourges me to delve into my guilt, feel its pain, give it to Jesus, accept the Holy Spirit\’s teaching and return to Heaven.

So this morning, I experienced my deep sense of guilt; I called it spiritual performance guilt. Rather than be jealous of other people who are illuminated, or go unconscious and deny the guilt\’s existence, or get mad at God for not miraculously saving me, I go deep into my mind, became aware of the guilt, and give it to Jesus.

Then, as I meditated on the Truth (God is everywhere and His Son is in Him with everything), the idea \”with everything\” restored my God connection. I felt my consciousness living in that place, Heaven; where all is peaceful benign light. I held all power (God) in a ball of light, with non-physical hands. I experienced this for no more than a second, but that was enough.

Yesterday, I got new tires for my car. I\’m so proud of them. It will snow again tomorrow, so I am now ready. The best part of getting the tires was that an unknown man in a shiny red van gave me a ride to my fellowship meeting while my car was being worked on. He dropped me off and that is all I\’ll ever see of him. God in a Windstar? Could have been.