Mass is Addictive

I have moved to the city and I have a new job with lots of responsibility. My life has changed from very empty and quiet to many relationships and demands for my time. I have again pondered the meaning of my life and what is my vocation now that everything has changed. I still want to know: who is the real me that is this consciousness? Releasing my inner divine being is still my life’s mission. How I do that now that my life has forced itself more outward is still a work in progress. I don’t know what surprises are along the way. Maybe I will join Opus Dei!

One surprise is Mass. I’ve found a thirst for Mass in the past few weeks. I disagree with the Roman Catholic hierarchy, but I want to go to Mass. I don’t agree with the Catholic explanation or catechism, but I want to go to Mass. All I can do at this point is surrender to the call and see where it is leading. Apart from Church teachings and A Course in Miracles teachings, I ask myself to contemplate the Mass in the now. If I look at Mass in a holy instant, what about love and eternity and salvation do I see? What is God saying to me right now?

Unknown to most people, I wear a crucifix ring. I love to contemplate the image of the man on the cross. Not the commonly told story of Jesus’ crucifixion but something deeper which I cannot even put words to.

There is a precarious balance between silent contemplation, Mass, AA meetings, running and work relationships.

Today I got up at 5:30 for spiritual practice, ran 5 miles, went to 8 am Mass, came home and made coffee, went to lead the 10 am AA meeting, and ran another 5 miles. This afternoon I have been involved with quiet contemplation.

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