From Egomaniac to Peace

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) text, 19.IV: “The peace He (Holy Spirit) lay, deep within you and your brother, will quietly extend to every aspect of your life, surrounding you and your brother with glowing happiness and the calm awareness of complete protection…The Holy Spirit asks that you offer Him a resting place where you will rest in Him…when you look with gentle graciousness on your brother, you are beholding Him (Holy Spirit)…The Holy Spirit’s purpose rests in peace within you.”

SF’s reflection: Last night, as I meditated, I realized a thing to which I cling. In my silence, I have always hoped to find a “real” thought, a thought of clarity and magnificent greatness. This desire cuts to the heart of my ego’s quest to be greater than God. I knew in that moment, I would never return to Heaven because it might mean giving up the hope of individual greatness. I also knew I had no idea of what it meant to exist in Heaven; a place of total love and peace and joy. I talked to Jesus about my shortcoming.

I also prayed for God’s perception of some things going on in my life. I wanted to see the loving hand of God rather than judge things as a pain and being angry or hateful. I realized I never want to allow another hateful thought again in my life.

I went to bed at 9 and woke up at 3 and sort of laid awake until 4; when I got up.

I sat down with the ACIM text and read the passages quoted above. I realized I was willing to give up my ego consciousness in favor of peace. I found myself quite willing, in meditation, to rest in that wordless place of peace. In that place, where I don’t think too much, I rest in peace with the Holy Spirit and I am able to extend the presence of the Spirit into every person I think of, no matter who they are.

I walked on the tm for 30 minutes and went for a quick 17 minute run. The short runs with weight lifting or machine time are going to be my taper for the next 9 days until the Kansas City marathon.

Yesterday, in a fit of egotism, I almost pushed all the internet buttons to get myself signed up for the 2010 Boston Marathon and reserve a hotel. But it didn’t happen. Now this morning, I again realize that I have a more valuable idea, where I could seek fellowship instead of braggadocio and I need to remember that idea. I’m only getting on one airplane to go to a race next year and I need to remember that fellowship will make me happier.

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1 Comment

  1. deaconjan says:

    I decided to check in with you today. I skimmed back far enough to see that you are living back in KC & working at your old workplace. I wish you well. Are you sharing your address? If not, that's okay. Be happy!

    Like

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