Confessions of a Solitary

It has been about 9 months since I chose solitude intentionally. Before that, I lived in a small town and thought my solitude was a function of where I lived. But, when I moved into the city a year ago, I moved near to social groups where I was held in esteem and could have taken up my old positions. But I realized I no longer wanted to play my part; and so I quit.

Now, I am not involved in any of the stuff that most people claim makes life meaningful. I truly think life is meaningless; a meaningless bad dream. The activites that others think are so meaningful seem like self importance to me. Even love appears like an elaborate control scheme.

What I am doing here is killing time. I earn money for food and kill time. Running and weight lifting are killing time.

The most meaningful part of my life is when I shut down my brain, shut my eyes, and just be.

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2 Comments

  1. Ultra Monk says:

    Having admitted publically that I think life is meaningless, I feel free. I am no longer afraid someone will find out and not like me. It is out there. Fear is not governing me.I am free to continue exploring the depths of life. In spirit, we are one. I am free to support the truth of what we really are, not the illusion of physicality.I just found a short set of trails near where I live. Tomorrow, I'm going to explore. I find running trails to be the next thing that must be part of my running.

    Like

  2. Anonymous says:

    thanks for this powerful post .

    Like

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