Why do I call Myself Spirit?

I made the choice that God is love and so am I.

From the Course in Miracles text 31.IV.1: \”You see the flesh or recognize the spirit. There is no compromise between the two. If one is real the other must be false, for what is real denies its opposite. There is no choice in vision but this one. What you decide in this determines all you see and think is real and hold as true. On this one choice does all your world depend, for here have you established what you are, as flesh or spirit in your own belief. If you choose flesh, you never will escape the body as your own reality, for you have chosen that you want it so. But choose the spirit, and all Heaven bends to touch your eyes and bless your holy sight, that you may see the world of flesh no more except to heal and comfort and to bless.\”

So I let go of the world by saying: \”I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself.\”

God Reliance

Success in A Course in Miracles depends on a growing belief in God and reliance on God.

I first learned about surrendering my life to God in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. It really is God dependence which keeps the alcoholic from drinking; because the brain of the alcoholic is programmed to drink. It is impossible for an alcoholic to behave otherwise. Will power is completely irrelevant in the face of brain programming.

I think that brain programming is all any of us has. We can\’t correct certain habits because our biology won\’t let us, and the world around us doesn\’t support any changes (ie over eating).

I don\’t appear to be an over eater. That is just cuz I work out 2 hours a day. I\’ve tracked calories for years and eaten according to the numbers. I actually have no idea how to eat according to my body\’s needs and not according to my brain\’s desires.

I really would like to learn to eat just what I need. That is a very difficult idea because my brain is programmed to eat as much as possible of the food that is sitting all around me. I don\’t think I can change without the help of a Higher Power; and this brings me back to A Course in Miracles and my need to go deeper and deeper into a God consciousness.

My lesson for the day:
I give my life to God to guide today.
I will step back and merely follow You.
It has been given me to change what I believe.

Think about those statements and listen to all the little thoughts that come up. No, almost no one actually really truly believes in God.

Ultra Again

It is only a 50k, but I am signed up. Yesterday, I clicked all the buttons: airplane, hotels, rental cars, parking, race entry.

After my 25 mile jaunt on Saturday, I walked another 8 miles on Sunday. This gave me 43 miles between Friday night and Sunday. I felt it. But it felt good. There is something that happens to the body and mind the longer you go. It is memorable, yet not exactly explainable.

My ACIM Psalm for tonight and tomorrow is certainly beautiful and cuts completely to the heart of life:
Be in my mind, my father, through the day.
I trust all things to you. Fear has ended.

You realize that as soon as you completely surrender your life and stop judging it, then you have nothing to fear. Nothing is left for you to worry about. Nothing bad will happen because you have not projected it.

I imagine myself an ultra runner; just chugging along a road with no beginning and no ending, all is pure bliss.

The Nutshell

Yesterday, I jog/walked 25 miles. It has not been since September of last year that I went that far in one day. This year, 22 miles is my farthest.

I would say there is a marked difference in how I feel after 25 miles as opposed to 20 miles. I forgot how that feels. I also look at my training log and see that last July when I was doing the time, it was on hills so not the distance. I think that an ultra runner needs to do the long distance in order to not be daunted. Yesterday, I walked the last 25 minutes. I had finished 3 x 8 mile laps but was not at 6 hours. I walked to make up the time. The purpose was to get my ultra thought pattern into play: keep going even if…..

I do feel tired today. I\’m going to do a walk because there is a neighborhood route I want to measure. It involves a brand new sidewalk! I\’ll get home in time for A Prairie Home Companion and workout on my machines.

The Nutshell? Here is an ACIM summery I thought of this morning: First, based on Chapter 30.V and VII of the Text, the world has one constant purpose: a place where hope of happiness can be fulfilled BECAUSE Christ has been accepted and the goal of guilt let go, thus forgiveness reins and I am happy. Second, looking at WBII section 6, Christ is the Self we share, what God\’s Son really is: \”The Thought which still abides in the Mind that is His Source.\”

Non-course students will have interpretations of the words forgiveness and Christ and world and purpose and happiness and guilt and God\’s Son and God; than is meant here. Sorry about that.

I Won!

Really. I won my personal challenge: If I do a 2 hour work out Friday evening and a 6 hour \”on-your-feet-something\” on Saturday, then I allowed as how I could buy airplane tickets to a 50k endurance run in Missouri.

Friday evening, I ran 10 miles, 2h10min. Saturday, I jog/walked 25.3 miles in 5h57 garmin or 6h15 elapsed (elapsed includes pit stops). So, I think I could complete a 50k all in one shot in around 7h30min. But I\’m not quite sure that I should.

Today\’s ACIM Psalm:
God is with me. I live and move in Him.
I have no words except His name as I…
…come quietly into His presence now.

That is all I said to myself for 6 hours.

After coming home and taking a shower, I bought some new Sugoi shorts. If I can still walk tomorrow, maybe I\’ll plan the trip to Missouri.

Why do people believe in God? It is more complex than saying it is a function of aboriginal agenticity. We have egos that want to rise above. We are born aspirants. Is there a God to aspire to is the question. I believe there is a state of mind which is only love. It is in that state that the answer to the question is known. For now, I have a methodology which leads me out of a purely egoic existence and into an ontology of love.

God-shaped Conceptual Space

Justin L. Barrett said, \”Instead, the way our minds solve problems generates a god-shaped conceptual space waiting to be filled by the details of the culture into which they are born.\”

So, any god with trappings related to human culture, cannot be a true perception of God.

I am a student of A Course in Miracles. Below is quoted from the Introduction to part 2 of the workbook:

Words will mean little now. We use them but as guides on which we do not now depend. For now we seek direct experience of truth alone. The lessons that remain are merely introductions to the times in which we leave the world of pain, and go to enter peace. Now we begin to reach the goal this course has set, and find the end toward which our practicing was always geared.

The intent of ACIM is that you look beyond this world and see only peace. Peace is not seen with worldly eyes; it is seen with something deeper, more in the realm of mind. Peace is not here so the only evidence is in the mind which has let go of this world and sought deeper.

I know that the lack of proof makes people into atheists. That is good. There is no god here. When I say Jesus, I don\’t mean what the Bible says or any church preaches.

In ACIM, I am free. I don\’t have to say God. I don\’t have to ask God for anything. There is nothing to bow down and worship. There is only the awe I have when I see Love in action. And I know peace.

I am a God-shaped conceptual space, nothing more and there is nothing I need do.

Lesson 195

I ordered this photo from Sporting Image:

I don\’t have the non-watermarked photo yet, but I couldn\’t wait to post this picture. I am tanned and ripped and look\’en good. I\’m 53 years old and I look like that!

This morning, I opted for the elliptical for most of my workout. So I had my day\’s psalm taped to the console and I memorized the thoughts. Then I could close my eyes and just recite them in my mind. After the last one, I put silence into my mind, mentally standing with Love.

Lesson 195 Psalm:
Love is the way I walk in gratitude.
My gratitude _ has room for all.
Stop comparing and my hatred is forgotten.
The Thought God holds of me is beyond idols.
I am willing once again to hear Love\’s Voice.

The thing about gratitude that most of us don\’t really get is that we should only be grateful for the universal Love of God; which applies equally to all. God Himself doesn\’t send special blessings to anyone.

Line 3 about \”stop comparing\” has let me off the hook. Since I got kicked out of a religious order (essentially because I was too good for them), I\’ve still wondered and tried to compare holiness. Am I holy if I am not a professed religious? Does Jesus love me as much since I have no credentials and I don\’t live in a convent or wear holy garb and have to drive a car to a job every day?

It is soooo difficult for my ego to not have the trappings of specialness provided by religious life. But spiritual progress requires finding God as \”one of\” not special.

Lesson 194

Everyday lately, I\’ve been making these powerful, wonderful, inspiring little \”psalms\” out of both the ACIM text and the workbook. But I don\’t have time to post them everyday (sorry Barb ūüôā ¬† ).

Well, here is today. I just spent my evening workout soaring on its wings:

I place the future in the Hands of God.
For thus I call the memory of Him.
And He becomes the thought that rules my mind. 


For this to be any good, I need to have been open to the idea of God and want that idea more than my own ideas. It is so simple and easy, it is hard to see; but as soon as I think, \”I place my future in His Hands,\” I remember Him.

Memory can be used to remember this illusion called the world, or to remember God. We get to choose. Choice made, then I practice the thoughts which bring me the reality I want.

Win A Trip to Missouri!

Ok, so I want to go to Springfield Missouri to run a 50k race: The Frisco 50 on April 28. But since this involves airplane tickets, rental car and hotel costs, I need to make sure my body can handle a walk jog effort of 7+hours. So here is my challenge, given that Saturday\’s weather is supposed to be good.

Friday night, complete 2 hours of some type of activity (combo of my ex-machines or laps in Brummerhop park). This is not to unusual for me anyway.

Saturday, complete 6 hours of something, preferably walking and jogging in Meador Park. I\’ll wear my Garmin, but the miles are not important. Its only important to see if I keep going, then I know I have the blessing of a strong inner desire.

If I have the mental fortitude to complete Saturday, and my legs are in decent shape, I win. I\’ll immediately go to Southwest Airlines and book a flight, then go to Active.com and sign up for the race. and, additional reservations and notifications as needed.

Seabrook Race Weekend

I signed up for Seabrook Race Weekend Pelican Challenge waaaay back in September, before I even moved to Texas. And then, I had the fiasco with my knee (ACL strain). In January, I had no idea whether I\’d be able to run this race or not. In addition, I\’ve had a growing annoyance with pain in my left heel. It sometimes acts like plantar fascitis and sometimes in the totally wrong location for PF. So, I\’ve been cutting back on weekday¬†mileage¬†as it was on concrete, as hard a surface as man has invented.

In mid-February, after visiting doctors and having an MRI, the verdict on the knee was ACL strain which was pretty much over with. I began to increase my weekend mileage. Then one day this banner went up along NASA Blvd. I saw it as I was driving to the park for a weekend long run.

I felt tears well up as I knew that I could do this race.

Packet pickup happens. I got swag:

Here is a picture of some birds which is in Meador Park.

Saturday\’s Thoughts:
The peace of God is shining in me now.
Seek not outside yourself as idols fail.

And off I went to my days half marathon. Well, the persistent ultra runner in me wanted to do more than 13.1 miles; so the day included walking both before and after. Saturday\’s half marathon was a huge morale booster for me. As annoying as my leg issues are, I bet half the people in the race have worse ones. I love these Texas races where there are so many walkers and others shuffling along with some sort of half limp. And mixed in with very fast people.

I just kept to a steady pace and finished in 2h35.

Saturday evening, I always listen to A Prairie Home Companion and work out while I listen. This Saturday was no exception. I rode the ex-bike, lifted weights, did core and rode the elliptical. That persistent ultra mentality thinks I need to keep going so when 12 hour race day comes along, I\’m able to keep going for the required period of time.


Sunday\’s thoughts:
I feel the love of God within me now.
The world of love has been revealed to me.
Come unto God with wholly empty hands.

These are powerful thoughts. Plenty of food for hours of walking and jogging.

Day 2, Sunday:

I wake up before the alarm and get up too. I\’m not feeling any worse for the wear of Saturday.

On Sunday, marathon walkers start at 5:30, marathon runners at 7:15 and half marathon at 7:30. This is pretty cool. Once again, all shapes and sizes are on course and I see many people from yesterday. We know each other as brothers and sisters. Knowing looks are exchanged and some nodded acknowledgments.

the imaginary inner ultra runner is once again affecting my behavior as I walk 2.5 miles before the race starts. During my walk, I visited one porta, one real bathroom and one bush.

And then the race starts. I begin my steady jog. Nothing too memorable to say. It is a bit hotter than yesterday. I take some extra water beyond what I am carrying in my fuel belt. I make one pit stop. I wonder why the previous occupant would leave a piece of crap on the seat. Oh well.

My name is on my bib. People shout out, \”Go Laura,\” and \”Good job Laura.\” I begin to wonder, who is Laura. I mean, I realize that I don\’t think about being Laura very often. Who is Laura? What do I stand for? Who am I? I am this idea. My life is carrying out the idea. If I had stayed in the convent, I\’d not be in Texas. I\’d not be carrying out the idea of long distance running.

And I do love running.

During the last couple of miles, I do start to feel tired. By that time, I\’ve already been 14 miles. I think about how this weekend has truly been about drinking the dregs of my humanity. I know I\’ve sucked the life out of me; and I have an abundance of life to empty.

I finish a bit slower than yesterday; but my left heel doesn\’t hurt as bad. I collect my medals for a second half and the two day Pelican challenge. And then I am walking to the car.

It is still before noon. Who knows if another workout will occur today.