I\’m not sure I can believe this, but I guess it is so. Between Friday night and Sunday morning, I\’ve covered 40 miles plus 2 hours of other cross-training; over 12 hours.
That is fantastic. So, I got 260 miles this month and 96 hours; the best this year. I even had to reformat my graph to fit the 260 miles on it:
I\’m not very fast, but I get the miles and time in. Well, my next race is a half marathon in Germany and then Ultracentric in Dallas. I spend my time thinking about Ultracentric. I\’m signed up for 48 hours, but won\’t even get to Dallas until 8 or 9 hours after the race starts (work issue). I just hope to make the most of the time I have there.
It is a strange life I live: work all week with about 2 hours of training per day. Spent all weekend alone either running, eating or laying on the bed. This style has been going on for several years. I could say its for racing, but it goes on regardless.
In two weeks, I\’ve scheduled a 4 day weekend. It will be good to do this just before going to Germany (where there won\’t be much more than short morning walks). My trip to Germany is for work, not fun.
I got up when the alarm went off. I knew it was supposed to rain today but I got up anyway. Looking at the radar, it did look like a massive yellow spot was about to spend the day over me. So I drank more coffee and worked on my spiritual program. I came up with this bit of phrases for today.
I have the vision now to look beyond.
It has been given me to see no thorns.
The Holy Spirit\’s vision is not an idle gift.
My vision has become my greatest power for undoing.
I wrote this on a slip of paper and taped it to the treadmill. I then put 90 minutes in on said treadmill. Then I put in 30 minutes on the ex-bike. Then another 90 minutes on the treadmill. This turns out to be a much bigger calorie expenditure than if I had gone outside. The treadmill is a perpetual up hill. When I walk, I make it pretty steep. When I jog, its faster than if I was outside because it is \”softer.\”
Then I had salad and an open face melted cheese sandwich. Then some reading and a nap. Then coffee, peanut butter and dried pineapple. Then….. time for A Prairie Home Companion. So I jumped on the elliptic for 45 minutes and then the nordic track for 45 minutes.
So, 5 hours of exercise on a Saturday is just about right.
There is one day left in the month, but I already have my biggest mileage month year to date by one mile and only lack 45 minutes to get my biggest hours of exercise month.
Wow! I did great this week: almost 21 hours of aerobic workouts plus 3 strength workouts, including 51 miles. Today was especially super as I enjoyed 4 hours of Texas sun; and my heel wasn\’t hurting. With one more week to the month, I am over 200 miles and 70 hours.
But the whole time, I kept experiencing my new mental freedom: life is easy. What I mean is that in giving up the dark companions in my mind, I live in freedom. I give up my mental prison which consists of being annoyed with everyone for overlooking and ignoring my ego\’s ambitions and capricious wants.
Yes I am an avid Course in Miracles student. This is where I learned to set my mind free.
This month so far:
I have been in Texas a little over 10 months. Just today (Saturday) I realized: my past is over. There may be people in Missouri, Kansas or California who remember me. I work for the same company as when I was last in Kansas City. But I am here now. I am in Texas.
I am not plagued with the quest for enlightenment which drove me both into the convent and out of it; and drove the first 8 years of post monastic life. Enlightenment as a quest is part of the mental programming I somehow received.
Here is Texas, I am free to decide \”whatever.\” I don\’t have to seek God.
This morning (Saturday) I had an unusual thought: start the day from a projection of what I want; not a material want but a way of being.
So it is Sunday morning and I am about to head out for my usual long distance walk. I\’ll use trees today as I slept in and it is hot outside.
But I had a genuine moment of clarity. Life is easy. It is only hard if you see it that way. I have a picture of a chemical plant on this blog for a reason. I like it there. I like my colleagues. I accept a successful career, fitness endeavor, economic outlook. None of this has to be corrupted with religious teachings or even the idea that the other people are bad.
And so, if I accept success, I don\’t have anything to preach about or a soap box to stand on. And so I am free. Free to do miles. Free to be alive.
I am just a girl with a blog. Nothing special.
If so, then you probably would click yes to this:
From Sunday 9/16:
To allow myself to be afloat in a sea of nothingness; no moorings to anything of the ego. In the emptiness of this morning, I \”almost\” felt my true self. that is, I felt a moment of that something which is not my ego; something which had no agenda.
And now it is Monday:
See, weekends are hermit weekends. Yesterday, I did not even go outside. This time of introspection coupled with Course in Miracles study helped me to see how much I fight every thing and every one; at least in my mind. In person, I\’m seen as helpful friendly and competent. Inside my head, it is fight fight fight. Fight food, fight exercise, fight my body, fight society, etc.
But, when I remember to stop and let it go, things are ok.
Saturday evening: the new season of A Prairie Home Companion is on. Ira Glass and the Sisters are guests.
I continued my weekend workouts: 3 hours this morning. TRX, core and cross training (60 plus min, not done yet) this evening.
The brochure for the open enrollment for the company I work for came in the mail today. I reminded me that I work for a great company. I wish I could mention it by name, but I don\’t want to trigger its auto search. But, it is fabulous.
In A Course in Miracles, I am on chapter 17 in the text and this lesson: God is in everything I see because God is in my mind. But eyes have nothing to do with seeing. It is about vision.
Clearly I am happy this evening. I can point to all these things in the material world. But none of these are new. I guess it is possible to just allow happiness for no material world reason; in fact not corrupting happiness with anything from this world.
I am not my ego\’s hate and fear.
I can only be the Self of Love.
These are the phrases I jog/walked with today; 20.1 miles. I spend my time pondering God and the Holy Spirit, along with wondering how far I am going. I don\’t really plan these runs. I just put on a full hydro-pak and keep going until something hurts, it gets too hot or I run out of water.
Every weekend the inner ultra runner raises its head and takes command of my life. Now that I have discovered that I can run 50 miles in 12 hours while training at walking speeds, I know the inner ultra runner will continue to make its weekly appearance. Today as I was jogging, I thought about this inner determination. I also thought, \”why not let it go on?\” And so I did.
To want to run ultras is insane. I can\’t remember that I felt good at the end of 50 miles; and my struggles in my hotel room afterward were not pretty at all. But the rainbow in the sky on the last lap was worth it. The feeling of zooming when you have been running for 10 hours was incredible.
I do not know if I am just wasting my time and my body or building my legacy. Who cares about legacies? I\’ll be dead. And anyway, several 53 year old women are out there on the ultra circuit, doing better than me. I still feel like a novice wanna be.
My 9 day vacation is over and I go back to work tomorrow. I\’ll be back to the daily friction of carving 2 hours of work-out time out of a busy work day. Demands from colleagues on all sides. And then the need to regroup after work before I can do a work out. Up at 3:25, do it all and into bed at 9. Disgusting.
I have to go to Germany and give a presentation in a few weeks. It is so important that practice presentations are scheduled as global conference calls. I\’m too lazy to go buy some new clothes. I\’ll look like a dork as always.
Next weekend, I\’ll be up for another pitiful performance. Luckily, summer may end in Texas. Last night, the temps dipped below 70F for the first time in 4 months. It was the first day in ages that seemed \”fresh\” or \”crisp.\”
It is September 8. I\’ve been on vacation for 8 days, with one more to go tomorrow. I have done 106 miles of walk/jog; and a total of 31 hours of exercise. I hope for another hour this evening, plus a weight workout. I hope for another 14 miles tomorrow morning and a cross training hour in the evening. Here\’s what my year to date chart looks like:
I like running and working out. When ever I have time off work, that is time to train; not lay on a beach and overeat. Vacation is time for miles, as many as possible.
July vacation, when I went to Colorado, was pretty terrible. My heel was in soooo much pain. But, I seem to have worked my way through that for now.
Its cooled off in Texas: only in the mid-90s for the past few days. Yesterday, I slept in and didn\’t get around to going outside until 11 am. Of course it was already near 90 by then so I used a shady park. I stayed out for 3h14min. But, it did wipe me out for the rest of the day. But I was up early today and feeling good. I did 3h35min and then got the groceries.