3 of 4 Nuns…

…morbidly obese.

I used to hate this when I was a nun. I hated it double bad when the monks next door called and offered to let us pick apples from their damn trees. So not only did I have to pick the horrid apples but also peel and cut them up. All for what? Pie?

And I gave up an afternoon 5k for this?

I didn\’t fit there. True.

Today I jogged for 4 hours around Meador Park and Pine Gully:

I somewhat intentionally run past this place. I come out of the tall swamp grass and get hit with breeze off Galveston Bay. I really like it and I like the view from here.

I have 2 more days of running before hopping on a plane for Germany. I\’ll have some walking in Germany and I am going in a half marathon next Sunday. But mainly it will be an enforced rest from so much training. I\’ll come back just 2 weeks before Ultracentric 48 hour race; hopefully well rested.

I am not morbidly obese:

This is me at last year\’s Seabrook Race Weekend. I\’m entered again for 2013.

My work is not picking apples or mopping floors as it was in the convent. I am actually at the peak of my career. I\’ve been at the Baytown plant almost a year and find myself highly respected. My services as a Process Safety Engineer are highly valued; and managers from parts of the plant I\’m not assigned to are asking if I can help them. In Germany, I\’ll be giving a presentation. Little ol\’ ex-nun me? Yup.

The Catholic Church has declared a \”Year of Faith.\” Like, why does such a thing NEED to be proclaimed except the flock doesn\’t have any faith? But because of that, there is a web page that offers a daily e-mail with part of the Catechism, such that the whole thing is read in a year. I signed up for it. I am so far astounded at the matter of fact verbiage: God said this and did this and nothing else will ever be true.

Now we know this lengthy tomb, The Catechism of the Roman Catholic Church, was written by the Church hierarchy (a group of celibate priests who probably never cried out \”Oh God\” during an orgasm). It is unbelievable to me, several years after leaving the Church, that such matter of fact statements can be made.

My God is much bigger than that.

After I found out I was kicked out of the monastery, I had 3 days to find a place to live, pack up and get out. I went to the monastery to know God. My most intimate encounter came as I was being kicked out. The experience of God-Consciousness has never left me; although I was afraid that being deprived of being an official spouse of Christ would leave me out. Jesus Himself is more real to me now. I made vows to God privately in my last days before I was supposed to make monastic profession. I knew they were real. I just didn\’t know what I was asking for when I said \”Yes, whatever….\”

Entitlement

I used to have a lot to say on this blog. But since moving to Texas, I have less to say. This seems to me because I don\’t need to promote anything about myself. That is, I seem to have gotten over my need for approval from any church or monastic order. I know my spiritual program works for me; but that most people wouldn\’t agree that it is a valid theology. So, I seem to have forgotten my soap box about spirituality or contemplation. Doesn\’t mean that God is not constantly on my mind.

Why is Mitt Romney a candidate for president? Well, I saw a picture of him for the first time today (ummm….yeah I don\’t watch tv). IMO, he\’s just another pretty face. Bet Barak has a nicer ass. But, I\’m not registered to vote and don\’t vote.

1% has the money and the tax loopholes. 47% are victims. I\’m part of everyone else who actually pays the taxes. Anytime the government wants money, they come to us. Doesn\’t matter who exactly is elected.

I saw a picture of nuns from my former convent sitting around talking about the Church\’s \”Year of the Spirit.\” Really? Someone needs to make such a proclamation? What about every year? But, mostly as I looked at the picture, I realized how much I don\’t belong locked in a monastic life. No I really don\’t want to ever be in another encounter group.

It has been several years since I had a deep meaningful conversation with anyone. If something comes up in my life, I just think about it and then decide. I don\’t ask advice or opinions. I discuss work issues with colleagues, but that is about it.

 I have a sense of entitlement. I am entitled to at least 50 miles and 20 hours of exercise a week. I just had a 4 day weekend. My Seabrook training camp included 76 miles plus 3 hours of non-running cross training plus 100 sit-ups a day and 2 other strength sessions. Whew, I was tired.

But I still got up at 3:15 this morning, did my hour of spiritual work and the 75 minutes of cross training before getting to work at 6:30.

 I really really liked the 50 mile race I did on September 1st. It caused me to consider that perhaps I am an ultra-sprinter since I really don\’t see the point of destroying my body as a 100 mile run does. That said, I am signed up for Ultracentric for 48 hours in the hopes of trying to get 100 miles.

I signed up for a 50 mile race next year (and bought the airplane tickets to get there):

This weekend, when I was working out, I kept meditating on this (from Chapter 21 of ACIM):
Happiness is constant, unshakeable.
If I want it because it is the thruth
that God constantly loves His Son.

As I meditated, I conceded that there\’d have to be a God. Also, we are His Son and He loves us. Anything else is not real.

Amazing

Today was amazing: I did actual jogging for 4 hours, before dropping to the jog/walk I\’ve been using for several months. My left heel was not in pain. It was\”cool\” for the first time in months too. Temps in the 60s and 70s are so much easier than 80s and 90s.

I had a massive week of training: almost 60 miles and 23 hours. I did at least 100 sit-ups every day. 3 strength sessions.

Today as I ran, I thought this, \”I moved to Texas 11 months ago. Maybe I\’ve finally got through all the problems and can go back to running.\” Moving to a completely new place is not easy. But maybe, things are calming down.

I was just looking at the web page of the convent I used to be in. They had yet another picture of old ladies sitting around the tables in the dining room. I can honestly say I am glad I am not spending my life like that. In contrast, not only am I an ultra-marathoner, but I spend my days in a highly hazardous chemical manufacturing facility making sure it stays safe. And I get to practice spirituality in ways effective for me; and not supporting \”The Church.\”

Chapter 21.II

A Course in Miracles text: \”say only this, but mean it

I am responsible for what I see.
I choose the feelings I experience and I decide
   upon the goal I would achieve.
And everything that seems to happen to me
   I ask for, and receive as I have asked.\”

Pretty bold. Pretty awesome. Do you see why an ego would fight this? The ego is the source of irresponsibility, not wanting you to know the world it the ego\’s delusion.

I thought about Steven Covey and his books about leaving a legacy. The message was that good people do good and leave a legacy. Slackers just live and die, no one remembering them. By his definition, I am a slacker. I will die and be forgotten. See how an ego would hate this?

So as I head out for my weekend miles, I realize it is purely for me. When I decide to go in a race, it is purely for me. All my spiritual work is first for me and my peace of mind. Perhaps spirituality has worldly implications, since if I quit projecting then the thorns of the crown of Christ are removed everywhere. But all this is in the Spirit\’s hands.

It is cold outside (for Texas) 55F with a bit of wind. No worries about heat for me today. So out I go for my walk.

The Un-Special

You know who you are: quietly successful. So quiet, know one knows you are successful. Those others creating drama of either the positive or negative type are causing your success. You can resent them or be grateful; even as you try not to stab them in the back.

That is my fear at the moment. One colleague cannot learn new things, so I am covering for him and helping him. Another colleague is pregnant and no longer allowed into the plant where we work, so I am covering for her and helping her. All of this competence and reliability I have seems to be swelling my ego something fierce. I can hear it up there preening, thinking of quips and quibs which will quietly undermine these two people.

Several weeks ago, a small lump in my breast lead me to believe I might have cancer. Upon medical investigation, I find: no such luck. Then, last week, a strange situation related to menopause lead me to believe I might need major uterine surgery. Upon medical investigation: no such luck. Why do a use the term \”luck\”? Because I think medical issues are the way for the ego to enhance its throne. Mine tried valiantly, but lost.

Why do I say \”lost\”? Because I believe my health is due to my spiritual activities. A Course in Miracles student would know what the text says about health. Course students also know about specialness and littleness; as opposed to looking-beyond and magnificence.

I read blogs by guys who don\’t believe in God, and those who are Christians and those who are ultrarunners. Despite convincing arguments, I find that I must give credit to unadulterated Spirit for my joy.

If I wasn\’t seeking un-specialness, I suppose I\’d let my ego propagandize its way to the top. Instead I do the work and stay away from important people as much as possible. I have a \”real relationship\” which I want alot more than specialness. So, things that are defined as winning in this world are things I don\’t seek. I let the Spirit lead the way. If something seems unfair, it is the ego\’s point of view, not the Spirit\’s point of view. I find peace if I seek the Spirit\’s point of view. The Spirit\’s point of view is call Christ Vision in the ACIM text.

The Holy Spirit\’s vision is no idle gift. Love based thinking is what I really want.

Today I spent 5 hours jog/walking. I\’m about to go spend an hour walking uphill on my treadmill. I\’ll do it again tomorrow. I have a 4 day weekend next weekend, I\’ll spend as much time as I mentally can walking.

Haha, then this unspecial person is off to Germany to give a presentation. Sucks eh?