Endless Spirit

It is early Monday morning. I got up at 3:30 and did my spiritual study. I am confused by the Course in Miracles. From Chapter 6: \”To have, give all to all.\” But it adds, you need not understand but merely turn in that direction.

I will mount my elliptical this morning and meditate on this statement. Surely sometime today, I will have an experience which will explain it.

Take up your hachimaki and walk is another phrase that goes through my mind. My hachimaki is my warrior spirit. Not that I will fight anybody, but that I will rise out of my ego self and be my spirit self. And this also is part of the elliptical meditation.

I am waiting for the corporation. I am in limbo with my job. Of course this makes it easy for my ego to attack me and make me afraid. I\’ll only survive by relying on spirit. Fear is of the ego. Spiritual practice is all I can do.

Phrase for today: To have, give all to all. You are merely asked to turn that way.

Awards

A meditation on brain programming.

Would you suffer physical pain running beyond your body\’s ability in order to get one of these? Would you cheat to get it? Would you spend money out the wazoo to get it?

Of course you would. It is a cheap piece of plastic. But your brain doesn\’t know that and will nag at you until you do it. You will make up lofty reasons for why you did it, strengths of character, spiritual value, love, determination, courage, etc.

Bullshit.

Without the shiny gold medallion, you wouldn\’t do it. This is the ultimate participation in the dopamine reward cycle. We want to be a hero and we want everyone to admire us.

The only way to be true to yourself is to do it without the notoriety, the rewards, the conversations. Jesus walked through pain knowing it meant nothing. This is the path to eternal life: realize that this world means nothing. Go into your secret room and do your miles there. Self transcendence has to be done in private or else it is just the dopamine self all over again.

Give it up.

I prayed this morning for an enemy. After that, I feel good. \”I pray for M. I pray for his health, prosperity and happiness. I pray that everything I want for myself be given to him.\”

More Miles

If you want to do endless miles, then just go do it. Today I did make it out of bed at a reasonable 6:30 and started walking at 7:50. I had no goal really. I just filled my hydro-pak with water and started walking in Meador Park.

I went 17 miles. When to stop?

The idea of miles is positively addicting for me.

I had 2 phrases from A Course in Miracles Chapter 6 in my mind: Alignment with light is unlimited. Allow no darkness in my mind. Over and over, realizing when I was thinking darkness and limits.

After about 3 hours, I had an enlightening moment. See, my mind had been roaming around the United States thinking of long distance races I want to do. Or just thinking of multi-days. Or thinking of how hard it is to do the miles without any sort of race or reward; just do the miles, write it in your book and go on. My left foot was slowly but surely getting sore.

Then after one of my phrase repetitions, it hit me: my mind IS unlimited!! That is IT! Yes, a crucial part of ACIM learned: I am not a body I am free. I am still as God created me. I get to choose all my thoughts. Nothing I see means anything. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….the little runner who could.

Obesity 4th Step / 10th Step

I had a pleasant 5 mile jog in El Lago again this morning. I wish I could do miles and miles without pain every day. The Sri Chinmoy 10 day race in Flushing Meadow is going on right now. I totally wish I could be there. My second best is to go to San Antonio next weekend and do marathons.

I am not obese, or fat. But I am a woman of a certain age, as well as an American in a food filled environment, so weight control is an issue for me. Maintaining at a comfortable level does require work. So I read some blogs written by obesity experts. Below is a like to a blog which has a series \”The Road to Obesity.\”
http://www.drsharma.ca/roads-to-obesity-emotions.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AryaSharma+%28Arya+M.+Sharma%2C+MD%29

When I was reading it this morning, I connected the reasons for obesity with the moral inventories I learned about in my Twelve Step Program. I realized that Dr Sharma has listed (so far) 4 items which could be inventories frequently in order to better put the food down:

  1. Life Events
  2. Gradual Processes
  3. Socioeconomic Factors
  4. Emotions

So, one could look at these each day and see which ones came into play today, get it down on paper, turn it over to a Higher Power.

And then: I\’d go for a run. Nothing like a few miles to fix everything.

No More Awesome

Really, such an over used word. I\’m going to stop it. Seriously. I\’m sick of awesome.

In July of 2011, I wrote this:

I run because I have nothing else to do. This is intentional. I have designed my life for maximum running.

That I would decide to have nothing else scares many people. Or, it causes judgement. The decision is very different from people who run for exercise or run for speed and awards and accomplishment. I do get these, but I run without them anyway.

I was a runner when I was a nun; without a chance in hell of going in a race.

This morning, I woke up at 3:10, my usual time and got out of bed. I did my usual spiritual study and hit the roads by 4:15. I slow jogged for 5.5 hours. It was all completely uneventful. Nothing to see. No points of interests. Just me and my sweat, slow jogging, hills and ever increasing heat. Nothing good can possibly come of this. But I really want to go out again tomorrow. We\’ll see if sleep wins.

Now, April 2013, nothing much has changed about me. I\’ve been pretty much like this for most of my life. I still get up that early. I still run as long as I can on any given day. This morning I had a wonderful little jaunt in El Lago.

I was thinking about self transcendence and my Course in Miracles quest. This quest will be carried out. Even with a job change looming over my head. I see that the quest will continue.

I\’m excited about next weekend. If all goes well, it will be my first double marathon; a multi-day of sorts. I can do 26 miles without any problem with my toe nails. But if I do 50 miles, I\’m sure to lose a couple even with taping. I\’m hoping to become capable of a daily 26 miles.

I Live in Texas

And I guess that is that.

This morning, I was massaging some \”Penetrex\” into my left heel. I was able to press hard and not feel pain. So awesome to feel good 2 days after a hard weekend. I also went for a pleasant run in El Lago this morning.

I can\’t describe how amazing it is to work out twice a day, lift weights, jog, etc. It is totally awesome. I just read in a blog that exercise is addictive. Well I guess so!

So why do I bring up \”I Live in Texas?\” I tried to escape. But I found out that I\’ll be staying just traveling more. I\’ve been pursuing an opening in a technical branch of our company and I think I got it. Lunch tomorrow with new potential manager.

For No Good Reason….

….I jog walked 26.25 miles today. I saw a green frog and thousands of baby crabs. I saw the 2 old people I always see. I passed a man several times who appeared to be doing the same thing I was doing.

But the real deal was the mental. It took about 15 miles for me to remember transcendence. I\’m not out there doing miles for training. I don\’t need to think about work or Boston or various resentments I have. I let go and tried to just do miles and I switched my mind to spirit mode.

Around 20 miles I began to struggle. Now my left foot hurts. It is getting warm. How much is enough? When should I stop? I need a mind that can hang in there; maintaining forward motion at whatever speed. As I passed my car at 22.5 miles, I kept going. Just do\’in it. I looped around at the far end of the course so that the next time I got to the car, I\’d be done.

I have no agenda as a runner. I\’m not in solidarity with anyone. I\’m not charitable.

I am spirit. Grace means most to me. And so, I turn my work issue over to God and let the outcome be what it is.

Inner Miles

From Uptal\’s blog:

\”With each new lap and as the many hours tumble past, each who one runs here, find themselves drawn ever more deeply within themselves.  Into parts of their being that most of us are often quietly aware and yet most of us never seem to rarely find the time or inclination to explore there.  Even though this part of us has been constantly beckoning us.

It is within this unmeasurable inner journey that they also feel an  expansion of their subtle dimensions.  For it is after all a pilgrimage here.  To a place where the travelers journey, way beyond the very limited world that their eyes see and their feet can carry them.   A place of self transcendence in which the goal is to explore and gather new strength and purpose from the uncharted regions within themselves.\”
http://perfectionjourney.org/2013/04/18/april-18-we-are-in-it-together/

Something like this is what I seek in the endless miles and solitude which I create in my life. To me, it is God. I find it in the miles. I find it in the sitting quietly.

Today, I slept really late. And then attended an on-line staff meeting. They are re-organizing. I knew right away that I wanted to go into the new group. But first, I went for an 8 mile run in the park. My shoes felt awesomely good. Coming home, the e-mail went to my Lead.

Why did I volunteer? I guess I\’m a rolling stone. To stay in one place is to die (of boredom at least).

This evening, I did my weight lifting and then 40 minutes of Versa Climber and Nordic Track. With the 8 miles, that makes for an easy day. I\’m not \”training\” for anything and enjoying no pressure.

Tomorrow, I\’ll try again to find God in the inner miles.