This story is as much about my life at the moment as about my 44th marathon. Topics include: parking, bread, oh and running marathons. This is what is on my mind at the moment.
The most memorable part of this marathon for me was a mental problem. The course is in my back yard. I run on Seabrook trails every weekend so know them intimately. The course is 4 laps for a marathon. It takes me more than 5 hours to do a marathon so I know I\’d be into the heat of a Gulf Coast day. I ran a half marathon race on Saturday so I was starting Sunday\’s marathon already a little tired.
The mental problem: for laps 2 and 3, my brain kept trying to find some acceptable way to cheat and get done sooner. Where could I short cut without being caught? I knew all the places. I know I could never live with myself if I cheated but that didn\’t stop part of my brain from whining about it. But I just kept jogging past each opportunity. Finally as I headed in to lap 4, I knew I\’d make it. Marathons can be long ass ordeals sometimes. I finished in 5:31 which was good for 1st place in my age group. It felt good to know I got thru my mental struggle. Marathons are a mental struggle. I have run 44 of them, 4 so far this year. After the race, I was at my car in a mostly empty parking lot. A man I don\’t know walked over and asked how many marathons I had run. I told him that was my 44th. He said it was his 150th. Hoopla! He had to tell someone. I was the only one there.
Parking. Well, I won the parking spot by the gate for this month. This parking spot is symbolic of a loving universe which I access through cooperation and connection with the spirit of the universe. If you were a Course in Miracles student, you might say it is a good dream. Every time I think of the Prius parked in that spot, I feel love. Things have been going well at work. One person asked me to be their mentor. I am relied on for work product and helping others. Success pulls at me. Is it pulling me into the world? Here is the view from the driver\’s seat.
Bread. Somehow, 2 weeks ago, the idea that I wanted to separate myself from commercial bread purchases came into my mind. It somehow became time. This is one more way I am separating myself from society. I am a person who buys flour and yeast, not bread. I took out a middle man between me and real food. My world is one more step different than society. So I did some research and asked around and bought a machine. It arrived on Friday so Saturday afternoon, I got my courage together and made my first loaf. It came out fine!
I hope I am not slowly losing my spirituality in the mix of successful career and world. When emotions decrease in inner peace, including the highs of spiritual inspiration, you wonder if you are still spiritual. It requires more silence and inward focus to know what is going on. There is nothing for the ego to grasp.