Brummerhop Saturday

You\’ve seen this before: Brummerhop Park. I jog an odd figure 8, getting 0.36 miles per lap. Today I jogged 30 laps. But before I did that, I ran 90 minutes at 11:30/mile in El Lago. So I got 7.85 miles at race pace and 10.6 miles at heat stress pace. Brummerhop park has good trees and there were some clouds; but still a sweat fest out there today. I drank 70 oz of liquids but still lost 3 pounds. Such is summer in Houston.
Overall, an awesome way to spend Saturday morning.
But I am a DNS today. I had signed up for a 25k trail race. But on Friday night the race director sent out an e-mail about 50% of the course being ankle deep in water; and massive mosquitoes. I thought about this. 150 runners doing one or more laps would really churn the place up. I had no desire to walk slowly in mud for even one lap. So, another race fee bites the dust.
I am doing really well with my running; but it is unfocused. Marathons #47 should get done next weekend. I do hold two sets of airplane tickets to go to 2 marathons. I\’m not really sure of my interest in just doing marathons for the sake of counting them.
My lust for Sri Chinmoy and self transcendence running seems to have worn off. In June, my marathon trips will also provide a visit to the convent I used to belong to. That is on my mind. 
I\’m not too old to be a runner. But a reason for why I do this needs renewal. I liked my laps in Brummerhop today; but I wasn\’t existentially engaged. Every morning, I sit with my spiritual books and become existentially engaged. Then I go to work and lose it. Then I come home and regain it. Running used to bring it. This morning\’s fast run brought ideas for a work project. That\’s nice; but part 2 of the run was mental nonsense. thoughts running all over the place. None of them interesting.
I\’m struggling with myself.
I need to meditate in silence. Let go. Be satisfied with just being. That is the problem; having taken the ego\’s toys, I am left with dissatisfaction. Just being doesn\’t give my ego anything.

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