The Week After

Last weekend, I ran 2 marathons; and the second one was such a fantastic runners high. Next weekend, I entered in another marathon. I really enjoyed The Woodlands last year and wonder how I will do this year.

So this week, I have tried to take it easy. But it seems I still worked out for 14+ hours (includes cross training) and 55 miles. Today I did an easy 3×2 jog walk for 15 miles. I wasn\’t using my best shoes and my legs did still feel a bit fatigued.

I clicked submit this week on a triple marathon. I still don\’t know if I will do the 50 mile distance at Waxahachie. I\’m signed up for the 50 miles. I think I could do it. My mind is not quite onboard.

I am getting stronger. Some weight lifting I can do more reps than I used to be able.

Then there is the worries over spirituality. Why? I can\’t grasp that divine presence. The Awareness of Consciousness is lost. Bleakness abides. Call it depression. Call it old age. Call it business at work. A day of happy marathoning. A morning meditation where I get It. Then hours of days where all is forgotten. I wish. I wish.

But yet, when I still my conscious mind. Love is there. I re-boot. It is just annoying to see my systems crash over and over. Yesterday, at a fellowship meeting, someone was desperate to see me. This week at work, I\’ll become a boss. Being a boss doesn\’t thrill me.

Marathon Weekend Diary

Texas State Parks day 1:

About 5.5 hours after finishing a marathon, I want to do another. I don\’t feel that bad after one this morning. I just got my hydro-pak ready.

Today\’s race was on an extremely nice bike path. But very few people were in the race. So I thought alot. My explanations to the race director about why her marathon business isn\’t doing so great. Lots of thoughts about my upcoming 50 mile race (I hope). Not so much about why am I doing this. I was just doing it.

Now it is Sunday morning. Right after putting on my shoes, I thought, \”Damn these feel good.\” Then I was doing my usual spiritual study. I am reading about insight. How do people get those flashes of illumination, moments of clarity? I hope I get a moment of clarity about marathons. But for starters, Texas is a mecca for older athletes. But we are a hidden sub-culture. You won\’t find us in Walmart; but quietly doing our miles in parks. Then there was the moment yesterday when I realized I had seen that baby turtle on its back and walked back to pick it up. There is something about me that cares about life. Clinging to that tiny idea could open up a whole universe.

I\’m about to jump in the car and go to a second marathon in 2 days. I\’m feeling more positive than yesterday. I need \”Intuition\” to come with me.

Now it is 1:30 pm. I drove home from the race and showered already.

Clearly some sort of miracles occurred today. I can\’t explain this.

I felt really good this morning. My garmin was set for 3x2s again. But when I was running, I seemed to be flying. And when walking, it was speed walking.

The result? a 5h21min marathon on day 2. That is freaking more than 30 minutes faster than on Saturday. How did I do that? I\’ll ponder the matter and get back to you.

I do know this. As I headed out for the last mile, I know I felt like an athlete. The greatest feeling ever.

Victory shot:

Tapering?

Next weekend I am again going to try something I\’ve failed at twice last year: a double marathon. At one race, they cancelled the race due to flooding. Not my fault! Time before that, I had a great first day. But on the second day, one toe got a painful blister under the big toe nail and then it got too hot to jog. I quit because I couldn\’t walk without limping and I didn\’t see the point of continuing.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Here I am.

In the name of taking it easy this weekend, I decided to walk today. No jogging. But I ended up walking 20 miles. Go figger. I thought alot about next weekend, but also about the 50 mile race I\’m signed up for in May and also about the 55 hour race I might sign up for in December and also about whether I want to go to St Louis for a 12 hour race in September.

This evening, I got my free weights and core done. I\’ve been working on the free weights and can now do more reps than I used to be able.

All this in lieu of watching tv, shopping or entertaining kids all day.

I know people who are much older than me who routinely run multiple marathons, or run 100 mile races. All I know is I am not going to stop. I am encouraged to see many other people out doing miles too.

Every night, I hand write a bit from the Gospel of Q in a notebook. I do this because Jesus\’ words matter to me. The Gospel of Q is the purest form of those words available. What matters is that I remember I have a log in my eye; and forget the spec in your eye.

The Silence of My Soul

I wonder if the energy that goes into work is robbing me of inspiration. I mourn the holy leisure I had during my 4 year monastic life.

Are there any thoughts which are not spiritual?

Looking at facebook pictures of a sister getting ashes, I wonder, \”Does it help to play church all day and live in the play house?\”

My soul does produce thoughts I didn\’t have right before I prayed.

A Course in Miracles 27.III.4 : \”An empty space that is not seen as filled, an unused interval of time not seen as spent and fully occupied, become a silent invitation to the truth to enter, and to make itself at home… For what you leave vacant God will fill, and where He is there must the truth abide.\”

\”Reality is ultimately known without a form, unpictured and unseen.\”

And so, sitting quietly this morning, I had a brain storm. What if \”I\” am configured like a mag drive pump? Google mag drive pump if you don\’t know what that is.

¬†Essentially, the impeller part of the pump, in its casing, spins and moves liquids. That I think is like my ego mind or ordinary consciousness. The motor causing the impeller to spin is connected magnetically, but the impeller itself doesn\’t know this. Like my ego mind does not know how it comes into action. The motor is like the right side of my brain; totally in control of the left side and itself connected both to power and to communications. Power for the motor is connected to a Source, the power plant. So I see it as the Spiritual connection to Source. Communication is a connection to a control room which orders starting and stopping and speed. I see the control room as Higher Self. It also of course is connected to Source, but differently than the individual motor and pump.

Don\’t get too carried away with the analogy. Just imagine yourself connected in some way, in touch with Spirit and part of a whole. It feels good.

I don\’t need to go around playing Church all day and night. I just need to pay attention to my spiritual connections. I know it is impossible for any one to not be connected.

Saturday of Agitation

First off, here is a great picture of me finishing the USA Fit marathon:

What about agitation? Well, I had a really great and fast 1h42 min run this morning; but had to stop to get to a 10 am commitment. After that appointment, I didn\’t make it back out for more miles as I realized that I just HAD to get some chores done. So I got the groceries, washed the car, got a haircut. Then, I needed a meal of real food. Agitation instead of miles.

Agitation because the need for those chores was bothering me. But work is bothering me. The idea came up that I should supervise people. Many people would celebrate being put in charge. Me? Terror! No! I am a subject matter expert. I am a nice person and well liked or I wouldn\’t be considered for management. Managing people is like a hot stove of emotional pain. I\’d go home every night pissed off at the people. But I also don\’t want negative repercussions since I don\’t want to take on the people.

At this point, I needed what I read in \”As Bill Sees It\” today: \”In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we again try to overcome adversity by still another bulldozing power drive…\” My defeat is admitted my fear of managing people. Yes, I thought about quitting my job; and am relieved it doesn\’t have to be a disaster. I can turn it over and trust Spirit.

While I was running I was thinking about how I will train for a 50 mile race in May. When would I fit in some uber long runs?

Here is a 50 mile training plan. Whew, I don\’t really need to do a 50k training run. In fact, my current racing schedule is more aggressive because of the marathons I\’m entered in. About 5 weeks before my 50 mile run, I have Easter long weekend. I\’ll do some big training. I\’m not racing the weekend of the 28 mile run. Hope the weather is good.

The Morning After

I ran a difficult marathon yesterday. Now it is Monday morning. I set my alarm for about 30 min late since I didn\’t plan on a morning workout today. Instead, I was on the Mainly Marathons web page being pissed off because none of their races are scheduled during a time when I can go.

Why does finishing a marathon cause me to want to do another?

Marathons hurt. But I want to do it again.