Milestone

You know, it has been over 6 months since I left my corporate job. I didn\’t even realize that 6 months had passed until after they had passed. Time has flown by. Part of the reason is that my life is no longer counted in 40 hour work weeks, Monday through Friday. I work part time, and never the same hours or days of each week. So I don\’t feel bound my a parameter; like can\’t wait for Friday or hating Monday. Everyday is just a day.

Also, I continue to enjoy afternoons in parks. Usually I am done with work by 11 am. Yesterday I ran a very good 10.5 miles in Platte Purchase park. It was sunny and about 50F. But I ran really well; on top of having worked a morning shift. Today, I had an even bigger milestone: it was the first day that I went straight from a shift on my feet to the trail head; and walked 5.2 miles along Line Creek. No going home first to lay on the bed and recuperate from work. I am getting stronger both physically and mentally. Working at Starbucks has cause me to get stronger and more durable.

I\’m older than I\’ve ever been with more energy than I\’ve ever had. Hummm…

My ego continues to have difficulty with the actuality of working st Starbucks. It is not an easy job and when I make mistakes, I get down on myself. I really wonder what the heck I am doing there. Am I lying to myself about anger at that little job? However, last night, I wondered if my Starbucks job was actually saving my life from depression. Because…

The downside of retirement is lack of regularity. I do my writing, but I am in no way capable of spending days writing. My momentum towards a writing career seems hard to find. Even worse, I continue to suffer from beliefs that I am an inferior being; hence could never be an author. I am not inferior, and am evidently very intelligent, successful and prosperous. But I never feel good about myself unless I consciously decide to feel good about myself. That is very hard work. It is so easy to slip into the \”I am stupid\” emotional template. A template is just a choice of a neurological pattern. We can choose a different pattern and feel better. But it is mental work to do so. Feeling good is a chore. If I do it first thing in the morning, I have a happy day.

I have really been enjoying the AA group I got sober at 33 years ago. It is weird to think I am 60 instead of 26. And then someone will mention in a meeting how we grew up together and now their kids are 26 and 23. I\’ve been reading a lot over the past year about opioid addiction, to support some of my writing. They say that opioid use disorder forever changes your brain and you should be on medication for life. The disorder is a disease. They have medications which substitute for opioids. They have never proven this point for alcoholics or found a medication. Hence, the remedy for alcoholism continues to be spirituality. There is nothing else. Here is the danger for an alcoholic: I haven\’t drank in 33 years. Am I still an alcoholic? Testing the possibility could lead to death.

Today\’s adventure, plus the long run I did a week ago convinced me to sign up for a race. The race was close to selling out, so I had to sign up a little earlier than I wanted. But, I am in for 50k. And I am planning a triple marathon in May.

The human body is amazing for healing. I cut my finger a couple of days ago. After one day, it still was bleeding as the bandage was removed. After two days, bleeding stopped and new skin evident, filling in the hole in the skin. Amazing.

In general, I am a happy person at this time in my life. I have the tools to generate happiness. Happiness is my prosperity, my abundance. One day at a time.

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