March 30 Letter

I haven\’t been to work since March 18, with essentially no social activities and limited trips to the store. What is going on? Miles. Since March 18, I have jogged or walked 155 miles. I don\’t think that is a record or anything, but it is a lot more than when I go to work. I am reading other people\’s books and editing my own and writing morning pages. I lift weights too.

The grass is green. Leaves are starting to show. The apple blossoms popped yesterday. The birds are chirping and fooling around with one another.

Yesterday was a day filled with inspiration and awe. Not only did I have a big revelation detailed in my last blog, but a little later, while I was out running, it suddenly struck me that I understood vibrationally the words of Abraham: get out ahead of it. I mean, my head came up and I uttered a \”holy crap,\” as I ran along. But I didn\’t have words to put to the knowing. I just knew. The run itself was a spectacular 16 miles.

Today, I ran 10 miles in a quiet, off the beaten path, park. I ran 2 mile loops in the sunshine. It was a good run, but no great revelations. I need to eat more if I am going to keep up the running.

This evening, a thought from A Course in Miracles went through my mind: I am not a victim of the world I see. I\’m not going to explain what this means. But if you do know anything about creating your own reality, then that sentence will help you.

I have been alone for 12 days. Today, I tried to engage with an online meeting. But found it jarring. I didn\’t realize how silent I have become and how focused on forward looking.

Corona Virus and Dopamine Rewards

This message is for those of us sitting on the sidelines, not sick.

In my morning meditation, I was struck by an incredible metaphysical situation. Punch line: Human minds focused on corona virus and getting dopamine hits from the news are actually creating the thing they don\’t want. You always get what you think about. So think about the solution. Think about good feeling things unrelated to the problem. Change the channel.Stop creating what you don\’t want. Think about and create what you do want.

More details please.

Lets start with the familiar information that human brains get small dopamine hits from \”likes\” on social media or that scrolling through apps on your phone is addictive.

“Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory, and related circuitry.” (American Society of Addiction ASAM Definition of Addiction – American Society of Addiction Medicine )

Every human brain loves dopamine and other neuro substances, and goes after feel good substances relentlessly. The human brain is an addict’s brain. The human brain is an addictive system. To be human is to have an addictive neurology. Every brain loves rewards and will go after them with a passion. Rewards, or lack thereof, rule our emotions and we seek dopamine to feel better. Most of us become addicts of one sort or another, ruled by the drive to get dopamine rewards.

“Somewhere in human history, we were conditioned to think that the feeling we get when dopamine fires in our brain equals happiness” (The Craving Mind Judson Brewer page 55). Getting a dopamine hit from a corona news story equals happiness to your brain.

Continuing the semi-addictive dopamine rewards of corona virus news ( like face book, football, TV, eating, shopping, working) is like a continuous low grade fever which will eventually have to be overdosed with real disease. 

Become conscious of corona obsession. Obsession is emotion. And, it is known that the amount of drug necessary to achieve the reward always increases. The brain is attempting to get the body to carry out behavior of finding bigger badder corona problems so it can have a dopamine reward. Therefore, you who are addicted to corona news always need bigger badder stories of corona problems. Thus we are perpetuating the problem ourselves. We create reality with our thoughts.

Become an observer who does have the power of thought choice. Make the decision to choose good feeling thoughts unrelated to corona. You aren’t in life for the dopamine. You are in life for genuine love, for yourself and humanity.

Yes, find out the rules of the Governor, the Mayor, or the County Health Department, but don\’t spend your time there. Get your dopamine hits on some other topics.

March 27 Letter

Today is the 8th day off work (of 32). Today I went by my Starbucks (which is closed) to see my manager and pick up papers. My manager is very compassionate and a giver. My manager has such a good heart. She had some resentment towards Hobby Lobby for how they are treating their employees at the moment. In contrast, Starbucks is awesome.

Note that despite the insanity of the human race, spring is coming. Yesterday I noticed that tulip trees, another flowering tree, and daffodils, are in bloom. I also saw two baby calves. The redbuds are not quite popped. Today I saw this tulip tree.

When I was a little girl, my father used to like to take my picture every year in front of a tulip tree. It was one of the few times that I felt like I was his special little girl.

I have been getting in lots of miles. Usually I have been running 6 to 8 miles in the morning and then going for a 5-6 mile walk in the evening. This has been going on pretty much for the last 8 days. Plus some weight lifting in the evening. Today, I did a 15 mile jog all at once. It went really well. I was feeling very energetic at the end, and no problems with joints or tendons. So….

The marathon I was signed up for in April has gone virtual. The real event is cancelled. Also, I have learned of a virtual event which I probably will enter. A 100 mile challenge which takes place in the time frame just before I am scheduled to go back to work. So it would be my grand finale. If you are a runner, check it out:

I can get a belt buckle for 100 miles done within the time period. And I\’ll probably buy a hoody. In Missouri, it is hoody weather most of the year.

I am amazed at how much time I am spending on spiritual studies and well being. This break from work has given me a chance to take a breath and figure out where I am with my life. Yesterday afternoon, I could feel non-physical energy down loading a vibration. I knew that infinite intelligence had communicated. Today, my meditation was calm. At the end of it, I realized that the virus is a consciousness, just like all the cells of my body. Therefore, the virus can be dealt with vibrationally. Any vibration can be integrated (yeah, engineer speak to the max). Drink some water and think about vibration.

The Stream of Well Being

There is a stream of well being in the universe. It is easy to pause a moment, think the words \”stream of well being,\” and feel well being begin to flow through you.

It feels good to tap into the stream of well being. I can tap in first thing in the morning and have a good feeling day, regardless of circumstances. It is easy for me to imagine this stream of well being as a consciousness and to have a relationship with it. It is easy for me to let the stream of well being be my higher power. It is easy for me to imagine riding the stream, even laughing with joy as we go together along my life\’s path. The Stream of Well-Being is a spiritual resource. Let it flow.

In my life, I have had several phases. These phases were marked by periods of time where I lived in a certain place or worked for a certain company. Last night I had a dream about one of these past phases. In the dream, I coincidentally bumped into some people of that phase. I hoped they would mention me to their cohort and that I\’d be asked to come back. This line of thinking caused me to wonder how much I want my life of two weeks ago back. And then, was I grateful enough for it when I had it?

Rather than go down a black hole of feeling bad because I wasn\’t grateful enough in the past, I changed the channel and began to truly feel appreciation for the now. If I want to feel better, I change the channel to the running channel and what is coming up on the horizon. Then expand to appreciation for spiritual inner resources, or non-physical powers active in my life right now. I appreciate a teaching on how to feel joy regardless of circumstances. Spontaneous appreciation feels good. It felt so good to have appreciation after appreciation flow out of me, for all that the universe or my inner spiritual resource has done for me.

Remember the stream of well being.

I am going to sign up for a virtual 100 mile challenge. The time period is the last few days before I will return to work, a grand finale to this paid corona-cation. I can get a belt buckle. I love those running belt buckles.

Letter March 25, am

Today, my morning meditation was very calm. Well being abounded.

Yesterday was an amazing day: I got home internet. This is an amazing story. I have been using the hot spot on my phone for internet access, and using library when I wanted to down load something or use a chunk of gigs. The phone works great as far as speed goes, until you get to 20 gigs, when it slows down dramatically. Being home and also signing up for an online class 3 times a week, I was using a gig per hour for the class. Too much. The library is closed.

After worrying about this last week for a day, and not wanting to pay ATT high rates, I looked at Spectrum. Wow they were much cheaper. So I pushed the shop now button. I could even have a self install option. I picked to have the equipment shipped to me because I thought the store would be closed or I couldn\’t get a technician to come to my house.

Then I realized that the local Spectrum store was near where I planned to go running, so I decided to drive by and see if they were open. They were open so I showed them my order and they gave me the equipment. I brought it home but couldn\’t get hooked up because the wire outside weren\’t connected anywhere. But, hey, they scheduled a technician for Tuesday (yesterday). That guy came and quickly connected the wire to where it needed to be. Then the modem would not boot up so he got another out of his truck. Quickly, I had internet. Today, I got an e-mail saying that the equipment I ordered shipped was delayed.  So had I not gone to the Spectrum store and not followed the trail of getting the technician, I\’d still not have internet and probably have to wait until next week or later. I\’d be out of gigs!

Underlying the series of lucky coincidences, a path of least resistance, was my relationship with my Inner Being. I intently work daily and all day with listening to the inner resource, reaching for better feeling thoughts and having a vibration in alignment with my Inner Being and the well being of the universe. I was allowing well being and thus attracting the cooperative components necessary to get what I wanted. It works! Following the teachings on Law of Attraction by Abraham Hicks was my spiritual process. I was following an intuitive trail, small intuitive thought by small intuitive thought.

Without my relationship with my Inner Being, I\’d go around with a bad attitude all the time and hate life. With the relationship, I am guided by intuitive thoughts and everything works out for me. Life if more joyful.

Yesterday was also because my run was amazing. I ran 8 miles, but it was running.It was the first long run since my January injury where I felt like I really was running, not slow jog with walk breaks. Thanks also to the local city who put up \”Play it Safe\” signs indicating that the trails are open but to social distance. I\’m going running again today, thankfully without yesterday\’s rain.

Sooth Yourself into Well Being

It seems like I face anxiousness early in the mornings. Then it is my job to consciously create thoughts which feel better. This morning I used and exercise from \”Ask and It Is Given\” by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

I wrote out all of these thoughts on physical well being. You can do it too to feel better. Also, don\’t look at the news over and over during the day. Once is enough, and later in the day, but not just before bed.

Here are some good thoughts:

\”It is natural for my body to be well.
Even if I don\’t know what to do in order to get better, my body does.
I have trillions of cells with individual Consciousness,, and they know how to achieve their individual balance.
When this condition began, I didn\’t know what I know now.
If I had known then what I know now, this condition couldn\’t have gotten started.
I don\’t need to understand the cause of this illness.
I don\’t need to explain how it is that I am experiencing this illness.
I have only to gently, eventually, release this illness.
It doesn\’t matter that it got started, because its reversing course right now.
Its natural that it would take some time for my body to align to my improved thoughts of Well Being.
There\’s no hurry about any of this.
My body knows what to do.
Well-Being is natural to me.
My Inner Being is intricately aware of my physical body.
My cells are asking for what they need in order to thrive, and Source Energy is answering those requests.
I\’m in very good hands.
I will relax now, to allow communication between my body and my Source.
My only work is to relax and breathe.
I can do that.
I can do that easily.\”

So… I wrote out all these sentences and sat quietly for a moment. My breathing became calm. The tiny birds came to sit in my bush. I felt peace.

Letter – March 23, 2020

I guess I\’m all caught up on sleep. I woke up at 5 am. Great…. nothing on the schedule. So I read in bed for awhile and finally got up.

I learned something very interesting during my meditation this morning. I\’ve known for some time that when you are not actively engaged in activity, your brain turns itself over to the Default Mode Network. And it is know that this default mode activates during meditation, unless you are an experienced meditater. I\’m a crummy meditater even though I have practiced for years. Default mode is a harsh brain activity where thoughts begin to spiral around and bother you. Default mode attacked me today.

This morning, I was doing some spiritual reading and looking out my back window before trying meditation. So I thought I was calm and felt that way. But when I started meditating, I became anxious. Like, I wasn\’t anxious until I tried to quiet my mind. Then shortage of breath started and worry about something overtook my thoughts (no not worry over sickness but over scheduling an appointment during this shut down).  I was conscious of the difficulty I was having. I kept pulling my brain back but the default mode was far more active than normal. It was very vivid. I was so glad when the timer went off.

Not too long after that, I had a phone call, then I went for an 8.8 mile jog. Showered. Got some lunch. Tried meditating again. This time I was very calm. My mind became quiet and no anxiety arose. What happened earlier? I don\’t know but it was crazy.

Late this afternoon, I walked another 5 miles and spent 30 minutes lifting weights. Worked on editing my book.

A day spent alone.

I miss my Starbucks peeps. Starbucks came out with a free food policy for baristas during this work slow down. They don\’t want us to go hungry.

Letter – March 22, 2020

It is a Sunday and rainy and cold. It means that my run will be in a  rain suit. I can do it.

I am feeling incredibly blessed at the moment. A situation came up yesterday over which I felt powerless given the current environment of distancing. But also, a solution arrived. The solution arrived after I practiced conscious creation. I was wowed by the Universe\’s response. Such a path of least resistance. And, I have taken a hot shower and washed my hair, so of course I feel good.

Yesterday was also an amazing day. I went to my Starbucks store because I had to log in on a company computer. While there, my store manager sent me on 30 days paid leave. I was amazed that she didn\’t even ask me if I wanted. Then later in the day, Starbucks Corp. decided to close our store completely. Every barista is being given 30 days paid leave. That is amazing and wonderful.

Yesterday was a sunny day. I ran 5 miles. Then later, I walked 7 miles. During my later walk, lots of people in the neighborhood were outside. At one house, a wine party was going on in the front driveway. Law chairs carefully placed in a semi-circle and socially distanced. Each person had a glass of wine, and they were visiting with all of us who walked by.

Yesterday, I listened to the first hour of Abraham Live. It was amazing. I almost cried as I listened to the opening music. I was so touched by the presence of my own inner spiritual resource. Abraham stresses that we all have our own source of spiritual connection. We all can tap into the powerful shower of well being which is that if we focus on it.

Our mayor sent out a news release, a stay at home order. Only essential trips. We\’ll see how that goes.

I am working on my writing projects. Editing one book which is in first draft. Working on character development and scenes for another book. Writing \”Morning Pages.\” Focusing on being a full time writer. Making sure that ink gets put on paper. I find that I have turned on my brain and creativity is flowing. My advice for the next month of isolation: turn on your brain and listen for creative ideas. They will come from within.

Letters – Day 2

I didn\’t sleep well last night. I guess thats because I slept really well and too much the night before. In any case, I was up a little earlier today. During my morning meditation, I also got the quinoa cooked in the instant pot.

Yesterday I didn\’t listen to the news at all. I fasted from Corona.

My brain was trying to decide if I wanted to return to work and when, if ever. Having a few days away from Starbucks is the perfect opportunity to stop and think. I added up all my savings which I hadn\’t done since the market fell. I harvested my money out of the market before it fell and got it into some CDs before they also fell. So I was curious to see where I am now. I still have dollars above set point. So, financially, Starbucks is not needed. Starbucks is needed for intangible reasons. Reasons I can\’t fully explain but they have to do with fun and joy and endorphin rushes. So I let my manager know I was planning on coming back. I could feel this decision for sure in my guts. Also, Starbucks has stopped allowing any public in the lobby, drive up only, so that makes the job safer. It is weird that when I had a lucrative career I always wanted more time off work and to get away from work. Now, I don\’t pay any attention at all to time off work because I live a very daily life. That is, do I work today or not. One day at a time, never focused on how little vacation I have.

I took a seven mile walk in neighborhoods around where I live. It is very cold and windy today, 21F wind chill. But the sun did come out.

I first became interested in Corona when I heard about the Diamond Princess. The Diamond Princess was the cruise ship anchored off Yokohama and not allowed to disembark. They had Corona on board and the Japanese decided to quarantine the ship. It was to me an interesting example of class structure in our society. The rich first world passengers were quarantined in their cabins but the servant crew, many third worlders, were still serving and not quarantined at all. The passengers got Corona despite being in their cabins. America is wearing these shoes now. The salaried class took their lap tops and went home while the worker class continues to work. The salaried class keeps their salaries and benefits despite not working while the worker class needs to work or else lose all. The salaried class is driving around going shopping while the worker class is manning the stores. That was a very funny thing to discuss at Starbucks since the managers were making decisions about what was safe for baristas while sitting at home not facing any risks themselves. So far however, Starbucks has been good to baristas.

Then Corona went to other parts of the world. Then to other parts of the US. Then a little bit here in fly over country. I am a student of Abraham Hicks. Today I listened to a tape which absolutely helped me find a reality separate from Corona reality. I absolutely can focus on things important to me in a positive sense, not in a disease sense. I can decondition my habitual thinking. I can get my mind off the conditions around me and on something else.  I can include less of \”it\” now. I create my own reality out of my thoughts, which I get to choose. How I feel about the choices is my feed back for whether I was in alignment with my Inner Being.

Spring is coming. The trees are barely in bud.

I went for a walk with a friend.

When I am not working out, I am reading the Lightbringer series by Brent Weeks. I work on my own writing. I signed up for online Abraham Now series.