According to Weather Underground, this polar retreat will last another week. Shoot! Accept the situation. Be patient, but recognize the frustration of cold and snow restricting movement. It is worse than a pandemic because going outside is difficult.
Exercise yesterday: an hour on the elliptical got things started. Then I dressed in many layers, put yak-traks on my shoes, and went outside for a 5.4 mile walk in a snow storm. I was warm enough and I\’m glad I did that. In the evening, I got on my indoor ski machine for 30 minutes and my ex-bike for 20 minutes and did my hip and core floor exercises.
I worked on personal writing projects and English homework.
I had ordered a book from Amazon that wasn\’t supposed to come until Tuesday. But it arrived yesterday. I was eager for the book because a friend recommended it and I needed something to focus on. The book is \”Caste\” by Isabel Wilkerson. It is a discussion of white supremacy in America. It is the fourth such book that I have read in the past 6 months or so.
When I read these books, I am reminded of a difficult situation I had during the last two years of employment as an engineer. I was on a workgroup that had 5 other women engineers and two old white men. 4 of the 5 women were technically insufficient for the job. 2 of these women were white and 2 were black. I experienced frustration with all of them because I had spent my career gaining competence. I wanted to be equal to the white men I always worked with. I felt that these incompetent women engineers were making women, and me in particular, look bad in front of white men.
One of these black women caused me additional grief because she was very beautiful with a large well-presented bosom, and the white boys would stare at it. I wanted her to be competent and less attractive so the men would respect her competence. I failed at coaching her on engineering. She didn\’t want my help. When reading white supremacy books, I\’ve always thought of this black woman engineer and my anger at her. Now, however, in this book \”Caste\”, I\’ve finished 100 pages, I felt like letting myself off the hook. I tried to help but got rebuffed, assuming because I am an uppity white lady.
At this thought, I completed an Abraham Hicks meditation on relationships. I realized that what others think of me is not my business, and I allowed that saying to hit home with this particular relationship. Abraham would also say that my inner being is not looking in that direction and that\’s why I feel bad. I need to change the direction in which I am looking. I began to appreciate myself for all I did do and appreciate that black woman for all she had accomplished in her life.
It is strange to me that a book on white supremacy would help me let myself off a hook, but also wonderful that Abraham would guide me in a productive vibrational direction. That is, I fixed the vibration so that energy can move forward. The fixing of vibration could be the most helpful thing that anyone should be doing for all relationships.
Aside from my personal whiteness, I read these white supremacy books because I might learn something about Trump\’s base and the Republican party. What is the future of this group of people who believe lies? I am watching and trying to understand how anyone could believe what that group believes.
This morning, it is cloudy but not snowing. It may snow a little later. There is hoar frost on the trees. It is still incredibly cold. I have zoom English at 1:30. I will run on the treadmill and eat lunch before then. More contemplation and exercise after that. I may be going crazy. We\’ll see.