On the Meaning of Life – Thanksgiving Day 2021

Before meditating in the morning, I pray for an intuitive thought, inspiration or decision. I have been reading Spinoza, an Enlightenment Period philosopher, hence pondering his philosophy of God and the human mind. Well, I’m always reading and pondering God and human consciousness; and I have been occupied with this for the past 40 years. I’m always wondering why God created me. What idea did God have since I don’t consider myself a necessary being, or a great contributor to humanity?

This morning, in meditation, I thought, “I get to choose the meaning of my life!” An emphatic thought!!! A strong feeling of inspiration filled me. Coming out of meditation, I wrote this:

God is the meaning of my life. I get to choose the meaning of my life and I choose God. Or, it is to say, “In the beginning was The Word,” The Word who is the created, animated, essence of God (reference the Gospel of John, 1.1). I am, no less than The Word, in God and of God. So I can, no less than The Word, contemplate God and the essence of God with my essence, my existence, and all my being.

John 1.1: “In the beginning was the Word: the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him, all things came into being…” Unless one has studied scripture, one might not have heard of The Logos. Logos means Word, the Word of God, or principle of divine reason and creative order, identified in the Gospel of John with the second person of the incarnate God.

Pondering The Word, I can feel the divine idea permeating me and I can feel my non-physical being (soul) very vividly. I can sit and feel the extension of my physical self into the spiritual realm and the extension of consciousness throughout all creation.

The long form of the twelfth tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “…we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.” That is my ethos, my meaning and my gift to you who read this on Thanksgiving Day 2021.

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Love BEING — Reflection 11.27

            Love is the conscious sense of being in partnership with my own essence. I am a being. Also, I am Being Itself.

            Yes, you should love yourself no matter what, even the ego you. Love the divine consciousness within you and the divine consciousness which created you. Love Being, which is your existence.

            The essence of all people is the joy of being. The essence of all people is life celebrating being alive. What if you tried to feel this inner essence? Just try to feel It, without the condition that It do anything.

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On Love — Reflection 11.21

            Do you know what you think about love now? Has someone told you that Jesus/God loves you, and those words caused a feeling of hate or anger? Has someone told you that they love you, but you didn’t believe them? This is your current love litany. Love is useless to you. And that is fine. Leave aside the Bible and the seemingly fake people and television images.

            What if love was the air you breathe or your heart beating? These are things you have right now. Begin your love mantra with these. Wait for another clue, another something that you are willing to believe is love. As you gather little scraps of love beliefs, you can repeat them to yourself, especially in your most desperate times. It is real to you because it is yours. Let it come. This is your new reality.

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Racing Season 2021

I run and work out a lot. Unbelievable numbers of miles pass under my feet. This year, I’ve been feeling especially good and training for marathons has gone really well. I also lift weights and cross-train. Winter is coming. There will be more cross-training. I might even buy a new ex-bike this year. I’d like to have an assault bike.

Anyway, the racing season started with a DNS (did not start). I was entered in a marathon up in Iowa in the middle of September. It is cold in Iowa in September, right? Not this year. Temps were scheduled to be very hot. I didn’t sleep at all the night before the race worrying about it. Hence when the alarm went off at 3 am, I was unable to drag my body out of bed and get in the car.

Race number two was in Manhattan Kansas in early October. To ensure that my body made it to the start line, I got a hotel in Manhattan. Same hot temperatures, but at least I started and finished the race. I did really well considering the heat, finishing in 5:18. I ran all the way up to 21 miles, then had to add some walk breaks to manage my body heat. I won my age group, but I was the only lady in my age group. Actually, the oldest lady in the race.

Little Apple Marathon

In my life, both times in my 50th decade of existence, I have qualified to run the Boston Marathon. But I never wanted to go to Boston because it seemed like an expensive hassle. Mostly, I just like to brag about how I had qualified to run Boston. This year, the Boston Marathon sponsored a virtual marathon. I signed up for it in order to get the swag. My Little Apple marathon time was used for the Boston virtual marathon. The swag was very crummy considering how much money I spent on it. The size small shirt is too big for me to wear. Having signed up for numerous virtual marathons in the past two years, I’ve become a swag aficionado. The virtual Houston marathon had the best swag, with the Marine Corps and the Air Force also pretty good. But, I don’t think I’ll sign up for any more virtual marathons since real races are now available.

Swag from virtual Boston marathon

After the Little Apple marathon, I was very excited about my physical shape, so I signed up for one more race this year. I decided on a half marathon with the intention of seeing how fast I could do it. I met my expectations with the Longview Half marathon. The weather was clear and cold. Yes! A pretty flat course, but not totally flat. I did run to my potential considering I had on a couple of layers of clothes. I finished in 2:21, 10:53 minutes per mile, which is a little better than my training run a week ago. I do like the idea of trying to race as fast as individually possible once a year. It feels good to put an effort into something. I got second in my age group. As of this writing, I think there were four ladies in that age group. The medal was really pretty and I love the hoodie we got. Overall, SUCCESS! A good way to end the racing season.

Before the start of the Longview half marathon
At the finish of the Longview half Marathon
Great Swag from the Longview Half

Now, I plan to discontinue marathon training until the spring. No racing probably until March. But I will keep up daily physical fitness and shorter runs. 90 minutes is about all I can stand when it is really cold. Also, I am busy with my new part-time job. My new job is in a health food grocery. I find myself eating much higher on the vibrational scale. My well-being is trending higher.

On Celibacy

            The word celibacy probably never graces your mind or your tongue. As a modern person, you are probably used to casual sexual references and behaviors all around you. Sex is constantly delivered by the media today. Our society fixes energy in sex. Most people seek and participate in sex, and couldn’t imagine a life without sex.

            As a non-participant in the physical action, the celibate person lives in a different world. The dance of obtaining consent and the frenzy of coupling doesn’t exist. Celibacy is a kind of silence, a kind of fasting, a kind of life outside the pale of human biology. A celibate person has the potential to be the most authentic and deep lover on the face of the planet because they embody a unique form of silence: a radical way of loving which dissolves modern sexual violence.

            Celibacy is abstinence with a spiritual or intellectual purpose. Yes, celibacy is a kind of moral purity, but more importantly, it is a silence to be contemplated. Celibacy is a purity of thought and conduct which provides extreme human dignity, the deepest form of love.

            Celibacy exists in the heart and mind which has sold all material sexuality to obtain that love that connects souls not body parts. Grace your mind and tongue with this word. It is a holy word whose concept will rocket your love into cosmic dimensions.

            Celibate silence is hidden beyond obsession. Stop and imagine it.

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On Emptiness


            We live in time and space. Both of these are vacuums, dimensions of emptiness and nothingness, silences.

            It is me that creates the dream of my life. Find an area of your life which you can allow to disintegrate, be a vacuum. It is in these empty places where new life can form.

            Obsession can be dissolved into a vacuum. Take your life and all its thoughts to zero, a vacuum a silence. My life, null and void. How free it is.

            In our society, for your cultural editors, a vacuum is terrible. But you have just learned that becoming zero for a little bit frees you to feel better for a little bit.

            Play with the idea. We can’t escape our humanity and our lives. But we can recreate our worlds. A vacuum provides a new beginning. Be awake. Make decisions.

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            What would your mind be like if it was quiet? No really. Stop and imagine your brain is working exactly as you want it to. Accept a moment’s peace.

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            Well, first I must ask, were you looking? Maybe drugs caused you to think you knew God. This is a temporary illusion. The hallucinogen induced illusion of God may have led to deeper introspection while sober. Or it may have led to an inability to escape from deep addiction.

            I know that my soul is my truth. My soul is what gets out of bed in the morning and finds some meaning in a world which I perceive as negative. The path of my soul can lead me forward into amazing love for life and miracles of connecting with all that is. Walking this path is a conscious activity. Choose a methodology.

            Or simply pause a moment right now and ask for your soul to speak.

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            Aside from obsession, addiction and worldly stress, there is a pervasive quiet consciousness. Pervasive consciousness is everywhere. Quiet is found in inner emptiness. Making an interior empty space, you have a place to commune in silence with the pervasive quiet consciousness.

            Do this habitually. Do this when your head is yelling at you. This interior emptiness is yours. No one can take it from you.

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            There is a thing to appreciate about spirituality which is different from every day unconscious living. Receiving inspiration is usually a quiet interchange of thought. Quiet interchanges, non-physical to physical, take place beyond the loud veil of mental obsession. The reception of thought from non-physical is a mode of living different from the busy active one, or of the busy one. The thought from beyond, received in the quiet interchange, is the better replacement for the drug euphoria. It fills the dopamine receptors and obsession dissipates.

            Ponder “quiet interchanges.” Sit and allow them. Make that neuro connection now.

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            Here, now, we are calling on elemental existence. Way deeper than an average understanding of God is a wordless silent nothingness of being. Lay it bare. It is underneath opioids, food, sex, money, dopamine in all its causations.

            Feel some inner truth or strength. Give it a brief amount of thought, time and space.

            Every addict wants to escape their life, to get out. Freedom from the world’s prison is in finding an inner expansive feeling. The expansive feeling is mostly thoughtless but it results in inspiration.

            Follow the inspiration.

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