30 Day Process – Day 30

Yes, it is true, if you stop looking at the news, then the news stops being on your mind. For me, that means that now my mind is free for other thoughts. There will always be thought. Which thoughts do I want to think? I assess myself. 30 days is enough to detox. It is not enough to build something new. The dilemma is to keep building the new way without going back to the old way. I am on a cusp. I am in a clear and open space. What thoughts would come to me apart from societal conditioning? Is it possible to obtain thoughts that are outside of mass consciousness? Of course. So, go get them.

For the 30 day process, there were four practices, apart from news fasting. Two of them, focus wheel and segment intending, I didn’t use that much. I realize now why not. I viewed segment intending as a tool for dealing with difficult people and situations. I don’t have situations with difficult people. My life is somewhat only one long segment. I viewed focus wheel as a tool for working on a known objective. I don’t really have a material world goal. I have created exactly what I wanted. So I have only half heartedly used these tools. My desire is for God, so how do I use these tools?

As I am clear of news debris in my thoughts, it is time to go deeper. Keep exploring the depths of my soul, the divine presence and consciousness. Can I think, or receive, a thought which is not directly someone else’s? My studies of philosophy indicate to me that the subject is a shambles. Philosophy has been dominated by European white men, mostly competing with each other over trivialities. My new thought should be an expansion or evolution.

I went to the monastery to be a contemplative. It seemed like the main desire I obtained from living in a monastery for nearly 4 years was the desire to live an eremitic life. I had to achieve a point in life where I didn’t have to work. And now it is a thing of courage. Is being a hermit a genuinely worthwhile activity? I am currently listening to a philosophical lecture on the meaning of life from an MIT professor. My ideas clearly don’t fit his definition of worthwhile. Do I dare try it? Would I go crazy? Ha! I haven’t been any crazier than the time I spent in a monastery. That was the worst emotional experience ever.

What is the meaning of life when bad thing don’t happen? That is my story. Bad things don’t have to happen for one to find meaning in their life. I find meaning in epiphanies, which aren’t necessarily sourced from externals. In the hermitage, I can realize that I am beloved of God. I can also realize that so is everyone else, and grant them that reality. Non-trivial, don’t you think?

My life continues to include physical fitness. In fact, I am incredibly grateful to love 10 mile runs, being in my sixties. Or the small weight workouts I use to break up my academic days. You don’t know how grateful I am to have arrived at this point in my life without the 30 or more pounds that my peers are carrying around.

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Womanhood

Day 25 of my 30 day process, I am very healthy. It looks like I understand normal life for me as a semi-hermit. More about that in some other post.

The 30 day process was for the purpose of discovery of my Inner Being, my inner non-physical but vibrational reality. To make the discovery, one must eliminate as much distraction from the outside world as possible and pay attention to the inner. To me, this mainly meant turning off the news. The news is a bad feeling vibration. I’ve done well with that and feel much better. Also, owing to cooler mornings, I’ve had more time for silent reflection before going running. Great!

So, here is my womanhood story. Step 1, PTSD: I’ve been tapering from big miles as I planned to go in a marathon race this weekend, so I haven’t been as physically tired at night. It is easier to go to sleep if I am tired. For most of my life, I have suffered from PTSD; which means that I frequently have hallucinations in the early part of the night. Last night, it happened three times. One of the times, I seemed to actually say out loud, “Are you here to kill me?” I don’t remember doing that before and I believe that it is a good thing to become aware of. Step 2, The Enlightenment: I’m reading a history book on the Enlightenment, a period in European history from 1675 to 1775 or so. Much of the book contains the writings of philosophers of the time. Yesterday and today, I was looking at a chapter on women. The old white male philosophers had no qualms about writing the most outrageous things about women. These men really were not able to see women as intelligent human beings, equals. Just not capable. Some of what is written is incredible: what men actually think of women, and what is epigenetically encoded in men is really terrible. Men now-a-days keep their mouth shut but they still think as The Enlightenment men do. My PTSD has something to do with men. That is why Step 1 and 2 are related.

Step 3, my Inner Being. Listening to my Inner Being, I come up with answers which are the opposite of what modern life might say to me. I always get a good feeling thought if I listen to the inside and not the outside. The reason I didn’t quote anything from my history book about what the European philosophers have to say about women is because that is not where my inner being focuses. My Inner Being focuses on now. Now is my reality. My Inner Being would also not worry too much about focusing on PTSD, like don’t talk a lot about it or go beg a therapist for some drugs. Be easy about it. Everything always works out for me. Allow the vibration to shift. As I am conscious of what happened last night, I can allow the vibration to shift. I am willing to allow men to move on and shift vibrations too, See, my life is the vibration not the world.

I’ve been studying vibrational reality for about four years. It takes some contemplation and practice of the techniques to believe it. It is cool to me to get a greater understanding of what to do when something seemingly disturbing crops up, like a hallucination that frightens me. I’m grateful that I have resources that point up the emotional scale rather than down.