Memories > Inner Being

Early in life, maybe more than 35 years ago, I saw \”Cats\” in London. I can still sing some of the songs. This afternoon, I found myself singing \”Memories\” (  ).

It is a mournful song, appropriate for and old lady; but not a dead lady. \”I was beautiful then…and a new day has begun.\”

Yet here I am. This morning, I was at Starbucks opening the store at 4:30 am. Then, a decent noon meal,and then book reading while laying on my bed something inside me called me to get up and be present, work on my writing. Now, my brain and body are awake, ready for writing and exercise. It is a moment of feeling great, purposeful, connected to something greater than myself. The song from Cats only added power to my physical being. But the energy came originally from Source. Source called me to get off my bed and come be creative.

Isn\’t that wonderful? An old lady feels energy and gets busy creating. Some would say this means I\’m connected to my Inner Being. I appreciate that knowledge. But I can\’t prove I have an Inner Being. But I am able to ride the positive, ride the creation energy. I know for sure, for sure, that the creation energy came from inside somewhere. A human amount of energy would have stayed on the bed.

Wait! I\’m an old lady? How did that happen? Maybe I am not an old lady. What is an old lady? What is old? What does old mean? I bring this up because I want to go deeper into the meaning of a person who has been alive a long time. I won\’t go into long discussions of living in Berkeley CA during the Vietnam war. I won\’t talk about how television arrived when I was a small child and I used a slide rule my freshman year at college.

What is the depth of long years on this planet? It is more than wrinkled skin or grey hear. I don\’t have any health issues. I ran 15 mile just yesterday.

The only time I ever snuck out of the house as a teenager was to go to midnight Mass. My family had a ski cabin and we were there for Christmas. I went out the window of my bed room and walked half a block down a hill to the church. It was a cold but clear night with many stars. My mother had talked forever about midnight Mass, but we weren\’t Catholic. We were unchurched. Yet that one time, it was important to me to go to church. Who was God?

That girl who wondered about God. That is the true core of my being.

A new day, has begun.


Trail Run

This morning, I signed up for a trail half marathon at the end of April. I don\’t \”race\” such an event. It is just a way to go on a marked trail where I otherwise wouldn\’t; and have someone else provide the water refills and cookies. Also, one should know that for any trail running, your total focus is on the trail in front of you; because if you divert your attention for more than a second, down you go! Very meditative: a whole 3 or 4 hours spent not thinking.

Today, I ran on the trail at the Parkville nature sanctuary. Most of it is easy jogging but a couple of spots require big step ups, big step downs or negotiating rocks. I spent two hours and 8 miles clambering around. I only fell once. No damage though there might be a bruise on my hip tomorrow.

Here is a video of the waterfall in that park.

It rained last night and this morning. As I started my jog at 1 pm, it was not raining but still chilly and cloudy. Very few people were in the park. I could jog around and spend most of the time in my head, dreaming of being a trail runner. The park is very quiet, with bird calls being the major sound. I saw a few squirrels and a bunny rabbit.

I spent some time pondering the predicaments of 2 or 3 of my young colleagues at Starbucks. Two are young men who have not finished college, have steady girl friends and have bought houses. So they work nearly 40 hours a week at Starbucks, although the girl friends are steadily employed. The two guys might not be the most sharp tools in the shed, but they have no future, through their own choosing. Really, if you are making 12 or 13 dollars an hour at Starbucks, you shouldn\’t be buying a house with a girl friend who is not a wife. Property taxes alone eat up a significant portion of your earnings.

The third one I thought about is a very good, new, young, assistant manager. She has decided to buy a house in St Joseph and go back to the Starbucks there. I want to scream at her not to take the dead end route by staying in St Joe. She does have a college degree and could really do more than be a Starbucks store manager.

There are more young people working full time at Starbucks who are smart and good workers; but they seem not to know what to do about moving up in the world. Some of the young people are in school and won\’t be at Starbucks forever, but the greater number are stuck at Starbucks. Mind you, Starbucks does offer to pay for a Bachelors Degree for any partner that does not have one. But I haven\’t yet found a partner who is doing that. Some partners are like me, happy with the health insurance and a part time job. Like, I got my teeth cleaned for free last week since I have dental insurance thanks to Starbucks.

Starbucks is a fascinating place to work. I think I get a load of endorphins from being on my feet for 5 or 6 hours. I\’m also getting more durable physically due to the bending and lifting. As a person interested in living well longer, physical durability along with continuing to use my brain are key benefits. Sitting at a desk doing engineering pays a lot, but I was dying. Even working out twice a day was not providing the durability or physical movement needed to stay fit as an elderly person.

Working the drive up window is very fun. I love having little conversations with people and handing out drinks. The doggies are so cute because they know that at Starbucks, maybe their human has ordered them a pup cup (or pupachino). The doggies look at me to see if I hand it out. They know.

The other thing I pondered today was aging. Since I didn\’t see my KC friends for the 8 years I was in Houston, it can be quite a shock to see some of them now. Like my dentist. He is not yet 65. But something has happened to him in the last 8 years. He was a normal looking guy. Now he is tiny, barely able to stand and I suspect his wife, who is also the hygienist, is holding him together. He looks like he may suffer from something like osteoporosis, but he is a man. Why is he still practicing dentistry? I suspect it has to do with health care. They would be among the group paying $1700 or more a month for a high deductible policy. Even a millionaire would balk at shelling out all that cash. My dentist in Houston was in that boat. Its like paying around $27,000 before you ever see a dime from an insurance company, yet you really need to have insurance or a hospital can clean you out in a day.

Rambling. I know it. Ultra Monk out.