Boycott Boston

A radical idea. What I mean is, dear runner, the bombing was not about you. So leave the hype and sensationalism. Don\’t watch it vicariously for bombing news. Pay attention only to an actual runner who is gutting it out for himself; not some stupid bomber.

It is just a marathon; nothing more but also nothing less. Go for a simple run as you usually would. Go to work. It is Easter Monday. What about that bigger picture?

I have qualified for Boston twice (even within this decade). But never gone. Why? To me it is just a way to leave a couple thousand dollars in someone else\’s pocket, do a slow marathon with 30,000 other people, be annoyed with people all along the course and lines at porta potties, be hassled with logistics for 3 or 4 days, then later, tell people about how I ran Boston and wasn\’t it great.

It is a ridiculous idea.

Just go out and run. Marathons are awesome. Do one for yourself. Boston has nothing to do with it. The media is going to make a big deal out of the bombing. This is actually a corruption. Step aside from the hype; even everywhere you see it about whatever subject. Life is not about the sensations, the hype, the programming.

Dear runner, I am a runner. I\’ve been a runner for more than 40 years. In the early morning darkness, my feet slap the pavement. This is it. Nothing more but also nothing less. Reach quietly down into the guts of who you are: a marathoner. The meaning of this is more than what some announcer on the radio says. Be more. You CAN be more than Boston. Greatness is beyond that.

Don\’t buy into hype. Be a real person here and now in your own being.

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For No Good Reason….

….I jog walked 26.25 miles today. I saw a green frog and thousands of baby crabs. I saw the 2 old people I always see. I passed a man several times who appeared to be doing the same thing I was doing.

But the real deal was the mental. It took about 15 miles for me to remember transcendence. I\’m not out there doing miles for training. I don\’t need to think about work or Boston or various resentments I have. I let go and tried to just do miles and I switched my mind to spirit mode.

Around 20 miles I began to struggle. Now my left foot hurts. It is getting warm. How much is enough? When should I stop? I need a mind that can hang in there; maintaining forward motion at whatever speed. As I passed my car at 22.5 miles, I kept going. Just do\’in it. I looped around at the far end of the course so that the next time I got to the car, I\’d be done.

I have no agenda as a runner. I\’m not in solidarity with anyone. I\’m not charitable.

I am spirit. Grace means most to me. And so, I turn my work issue over to God and let the outcome be what it is.

Silencio

This weekend is my first 9/80 Friday off. I was going to zip off across Texas and go in a race or two. But that plan got foiled. Also, my boss called a meeting. He is letting me attend online, but I decided not to push the issue any further than that.

This has caused me to re-evaluate my weekend plans. Maybe it will be full of silent miles. I somewhat love El Lago in a misty warm pre-dawn morning. I\’ll also go to Meador park. The weather will be beautiful. Mostly, the Seabrook trail looks like this:

I made my decision in silence. I asked with a thought what I should do. Soon, I heard Silencio.

It think it is right. Since \”Boston\” people at work (the only ones I see), have asked me about Boston. Today I explained in a more intimate conversation with one guy that I am just a runner. Just a simple runner, no agenda attached.

So many people are saying they now want to go to Boston. Now there is a world peace running agenda. Now there is a help Boston victims charity agenda. Now there is a defiance, a finger in your face attitude. I don\’t want to be a part of that.

So my miles will be quiet, solitary. When I am home, the radio will be off. I might fast on nutritious liquids while I think.

I need to think. I need to connect with the Universe. I need to lift weights, spiritual as well as physical.

Today was the first time I saw my boss since he returned from surgery. He talked about going for his walk. That is different. I found out that I was the only one that earned a 3 score in our department during the turn around (3 is highest). Some recognition will follow. Funny how I consider myself a slacker and not in the view of my superiors.

I don\’t live in  a post-Boston reality. Soon, my colleagues will forget about it and quit asking me. I suppose Annabelle will want to tell me her story since she finished the race just a couple of minutes before the blast. But otherwise, I need to be under cover. I need to be doing sit-ups and riding my elliptic while I think.

Columbine was huge for me. I was in the monastery when an unknown man shoot several monks in the abbey next door.

I need to sink my mind into A Course in Miracles and leave it there.

Riding the Wave

I caught the running wave right at it\’s beginning. I was 13 years old. I\’ve ridden the wave for 41 years. I plan to ride it all the way to the beach. And die there I suppose.
Today I got up at 3:19 as usual and completed my spiritual study. Then I did my exercise which included a short 30 min run. It was nearly 80F and humid; typical summer Houston. Then I went to work.
Immediately, as soon as I got there I was confronted by 2 colleagues asking about Boston. I guess I can\’t avoid talking about Boston just like everyone else. I\’m a marathoner. No way around it.
I ran my first marathon when I was 19. My mother was proud of me, but she never said that to me directly. I heard it from her friends.
I ran when I was a nun, but I don\’t think that fit very well with the other sisters who were mainly old and completely sedentary.
For awhile I was an ultra-marathoner. But I have recently given that up as too painful. I like marathons. Just long enough but not too long.
I am a Marathon Maniac.
Today I was wearing the marathon shirt I got at a marathon in Corpus Christi a few weeks ago. I really like it. I had fun at that marathon. I was riding around the plant on my golf cart, going from meeting to meeting. I had to admit I love being a marathoner.
I\’ve qualified for Boston twice (2009 and 2010), but not signed up.The experience would only piss me off. I\’d also hate myself for bragging about it because it is something most people admire. I would be unable to not brag. It would slip out. I\’d accept the rewards.
In terms of bombs. I think all sensational violence is the same category. Bombing the Boston marathon is the same as Oklahoma City and far smaller than 9/11. Bombing the Boston marathon is the same as hurricane Sandy taking out New York marathon. I\’ve heard the same sensational stories. We like sensational stuff to happen. We live vicariously through it. We thirst for all the nitty gritty gory stories.
I don\’t have any prayers for anybody since I don\’t pray in that manner. I\’m not running in honor of anybody. I run for myself and that is it.
I bought 2 pairs of new running shoes today. I had a 20% off coupon. I had a happy day.
My first double marathon is in 2 weeks. Can\’t wait.

Why Be Alive

This morning, I had a new thought decision. I\’ve decided I no longer will say \”I don\’t want to be alive\” or \”I\’m not here for any particular purpose\”; I\’ve decided to choose why I will live. I am free in that regard.

See, my whole life, I\’ve compared myself to others and seen them doing much more worthy things. Or they had religious validation. Or they were more enlightened. Or they were part of families and caring for others. It is true that I have no particular place in society and no one else cares if I am here or not. If I disappeared, hardly anyone would notice. I interpreted this situation as meaning that I don\’t need to be alive and have no reason to be here.

This is not correct and it has been corrected. My purpose in life happens to be more abstract than others. I have the gift of life; but I happen to believe that the biggest part of that gift is not in this world. I\’ve decided to stop trashing the gift, accept it and choose to move forward with it.

Did I tell you? I just started reading the Course in Miracles Text for the 8th time since July of 2007. I always find new things I missed before. My goal is to read very slowly and savor each thing said.

Here is a map of my next race:

I will be running a 50k (31 miles) along an old railroad bed across the southern Missouri countryside. I\’ll probably take about 7 hours to do it. It is a small race; a few compatriots going 50k or 50 miles. It is nothing like Boston. And here is where my philosophy departs from this world into the abstract.

I have qualified for Boston but never entered. I could have been there this year. I look at the thousands of people and know it is one of the last places I\’d ever want to be. And with my attitude, I realize that Boston is just a media hype. Without the marketing and media, it would just be another big city marathon.

I\’ve run marathons and longer races under hot and humid conditions . I don\’t know why everyone is crying so bad about how hot Boston was. It didn\’t crack 90F for instance.

Vancouver Marathon – The Doorway Beyond

It was a beautiful day.

I finished.

If you are A Course in Miracles student (or contemplative of any other sort), then you have heard that this world is an illusion. You have heard that there is no satisfaction in this world because it is a projection of your negative ego thoughts (fear, hate, anger, guilt). You have heard that nothing here is worthy of God\’s Son, which we all are.

This marathon dealt my ego a crushing blow; and I was left with the realization of undifferentiated Thought.

Like this: I was running slow so my time was nothing to brag about. I spent most of the race pissed off because 3 of the aid stations had no cups and I scrounged a cup from a garbage can but detected a slight after taste from whatever was previously in that cup and thought I might be poisoned. My achilles was unhappy. No one was at the finish line that I knew. I didn\’t give a shit about the medal photo and had to be cajoled into it by one of the photographers. Finally, I had a 2k walk back to my hotel but couldn\’t use the same route I came by so I felt lost and alone.

I found myself wandering under a highway overpass next to a large hockey stadium when suddenly the desolation hit me. In the forest of tall buildings, my smallness overwhelmed me. I broke down into actual tears and despairing sobs. Despite my monumental effort, my ego had nothing to show for it. My inner self knew this before I ever got on an airplane to go to Vancouver. My inner self calmly watches my ego try time after time to gain glory from the world and it never works.

And then, I pull myself back in and sit with this calm inner being. I receive heaven from this calm inner relationship. I am a worthy candidate for the spiritual journey. I stick by inner growth very conscientiously and consistently. But I also engage the worldly illusion and experience the ego\’s dissapointments time after time. It is my job to step back and not be too wrapped up in glory seeking. At the same time, I see I have received gifts from these disappointments: they break down the ego and allow me to glimpse my inner truth. Had my ego won the day in Vancouver, I wouldn\’t be introspecting. I\’d be running around bragging and then planning future victories.

Instead, I am feeling the depth of my soul. As I was walking under the stadium and bawling my head off, I could also feel the certain hands of undifferentiated Thought. It felt like steady, consistent, pervasive eternal strength.

It is this ego/self back and forth which troubles me with decisions. Because I know disappointment, I don\’t think I should bother with Boston next year. I view Boston as a hot stove. If I want to risk being burned, I\’ll go. But Escatologically speaking, I might have to go because it is not my decision. In contrast, I am signed up for a trail marathon in 2 weeks. It will be a huge challenge to finish that. There will only be 8 people in the race and no shiny medal at the finish. But, the rewards of pure contemplation are available in what will be a nearly 8 hour effort.