Brummerhop Saturday

You\’ve seen this before: Brummerhop Park. I jog an odd figure 8, getting 0.36 miles per lap. Today I jogged 30 laps. But before I did that, I ran 90 minutes at 11:30/mile in El Lago. So I got 7.85 miles at race pace and 10.6 miles at heat stress pace. Brummerhop park has good trees and there were some clouds; but still a sweat fest out there today. I drank 70 oz of liquids but still lost 3 pounds. Such is summer in Houston.
Overall, an awesome way to spend Saturday morning.
But I am a DNS today. I had signed up for a 25k trail race. But on Friday night the race director sent out an e-mail about 50% of the course being ankle deep in water; and massive mosquitoes. I thought about this. 150 runners doing one or more laps would really churn the place up. I had no desire to walk slowly in mud for even one lap. So, another race fee bites the dust.
I am doing really well with my running; but it is unfocused. Marathons #47 should get done next weekend. I do hold two sets of airplane tickets to go to 2 marathons. I\’m not really sure of my interest in just doing marathons for the sake of counting them.
My lust for Sri Chinmoy and self transcendence running seems to have worn off. In June, my marathon trips will also provide a visit to the convent I used to belong to. That is on my mind. 
I\’m not too old to be a runner. But a reason for why I do this needs renewal. I liked my laps in Brummerhop today; but I wasn\’t existentially engaged. Every morning, I sit with my spiritual books and become existentially engaged. Then I go to work and lose it. Then I come home and regain it. Running used to bring it. This morning\’s fast run brought ideas for a work project. That\’s nice; but part 2 of the run was mental nonsense. thoughts running all over the place. None of them interesting.
I\’m struggling with myself.
I need to meditate in silence. Let go. Be satisfied with just being. That is the problem; having taken the ego\’s toys, I am left with dissatisfaction. Just being doesn\’t give my ego anything.

Christmas in the World

I sit here in my quiet abode. At 8:30 am, I hear a fire engine. I realize I\’ll be hearing that siren for several hours. Annually, the city sends round the fire truck with Santa. This takes all morning.

I woke up pondering  quandary. I don\’t participate in Christmas because I am in ethical disagreement with the activities. This year, the last department meeting is combined with a Christmas party. Do I incur disapproval by not going? Do I go and be a good girl.

I close my eyes. Shakespeare crosses my mind,\”To thine own self be true.\” Sanskrit crosses my mind, \”Namaste.\” In the prayerful darkness beyond my eye balls, I bow before the Son of God and His magnificence. Not Jesus, but Life Itself extended from God and residing in us. This Life is our true self and true identity.

I don\’t know whether I\’ll go to the party. I will bow down. It is the only way for me to do life.

Now, to Brummerhop park for laps.

Here is  a bonus treat for today, a quote from Merton:

\”The world of men has forgotten the joys of silence, the peace of solitude which is necessary, to some extent, for the fullness of human living. Not all men are called to be hermits, but all men need enough silence and solitude in their lives to enable the deep inner voice of their own true self to be heard at least occasionally. When that inner voice is not heard, when man cannot attain to the spiritual peace that comes from being perfectly at one with his own true self, his life is always miserable and exhausting. For he cannot go on happily for long unless he is in contact with the springs of spiritual life which are hidden in the depths of his own soul. If man is constantly exiled from his own home, locked out of his own spiritual solitude, he ceases to be a true person. He no longer lives as a man. He becomes a kind of automaton, living without joy because he has lost his spontaneity. He is no longer moved from within, but only from outside himself.\”

7 Day Race Update Thread

I officially stopped racing on the 7th day with a tiny bit over 200 miles. Below log is in reverse order, last day to first. I made myself an award for my wall:

Thursday day 7 6:30 pm-


I just spent 2h15 min on the treadmill to finish my 200 miles in 7 days. I nearly cried when I looked down at the fitbit and saw it was at 27. 08 miles and I knew I just had one mile to go.

I decided to finish off the 200 miles today because I am training my mind to get out there and finish the miles by some deadline. Of course, to get and 200 miles buckle, I have 3 more days. But it means something to me to get it in 7 days.

Today was alot of hard work. I can\’t believe I did it.

This virtual race was excellent for motivating me to do more than I would have without it.

Total time spent actually running: 47.9 hours. Daily average: 6.8 hours.

Thursday day 7 11 am-

I don\’t know if I slept at all last night. I have no idea why. But, when the alarm went off at 5:30, I easily got up. I made it to Meador park by 6:45. I had a wonderful two hours going down to Pine Gully and Wildlife parks. It was beautiful and very nice with a few clouds. I got to see the men from the city working on the new bridge. We are getting an extension to our trail which looks like it will be really nice.

Then it was hot. I really struggled the last of 4h17 min / 18 mile run. If my goal is to drink my dregs, scrape bottom, today I was there. Yet I kept playing this game with my Fitbit. I\’d look at it, then decide, one more lap. It was dreadful. But it got me to 18. Only 9.5 miles to go to get to 200 miles. If I was at a real race, I\’d make sure to get it done by midnight when the 7 days end. In this case, I still have 3 more days to get my buckle. I will do more today, but if I go for 9 miles, it is for my inner being.

I need to do something Saturday morning, but I am sure more miles will occur tomorrow and Sunday. I just won\’t be killing myself.

Wednesday day 6, 8 pm-

It turns out I have a goal: 200 miles. So, I continue to be obsessed by miles. So I went for another 85 minute walk this evening. It was quite pleasant. Low humidity, only 68%.

I think I\’ll set an alarm for the morning. Only 28 more miles. Sounds like a snap, but my will power is waning.

Wednesday 3 pm-

Well I am totally amazed. Is it the heat gear shirt? I don\’t know. I started my jog at 9:45 am. Not a cloud in the Texas sky, and none showed up during my 4h21 min / 18 mile jog.

Wait, I stayed outside in the heat and humidity jogging for 4 hours?


I can get to 200 miles for this race. That would be awesome. I\’ve not ever trained that many miles before. My foot has been doing pretty well. The toe nails did ok today. I like the Clif electrolyte drink the best of what I\’ve tried so far. I like its bite.

I used a tiny loop in some trees today. I got to see millions of tiny crabs in the bayou.

On the introspective side of things. I\’ve settled a question about \”true identity\”, my life as a renunciate, what path I choose as my ethos. None of these ideas are changes. When I say settled, I mean at peace with who I am.

Wednesday 9 am-

I slept damn good last night and did not set the alarm today. This morning, I find myself wanting to go outside and walk around and I think I will, slowly. I looked at the Mountain Challenge website. Second place is a few miles behind me. I find myself not wanting to take up a challenge to stay in first. Part of my ego wants to. I Myself don\’t want to. I can\’t let winning corrupt my purity of miles.

In the real world, I\’d just be called a loser. So I say these things here, not on the Mountain Challenge website. In that world, I\’m supposed to try harder. But really, I just want to do my miles in peace.

Yesterday, I went to The Academy and got another heat gear shirt and some Clif sports drink. It dissolves completely so I am happy to put it in my hydro-pak. The Succeed Clip-2 and the Heed were not dissolving. Gatorade G2 dissolves but it is not on the shelves here in Texas.

Last night, I unwrapped my big toes and let the blisters dry out. I wrapped them up again this morning. They should be ok in the special shoes.

Out into the heat I go. Don\’t know how long I\’ll last.

Tuesday July 8 8 pm-

Don\’t know what is wrong with me. But, I felt good this afternoon evening. I started with 70 min on the treadmill and then walked outside for another hour. I could get 200 miles in the 10 day race. Wouldn\’t that be something!

Tuesday July 8 11:30 am-

Ultra Monk\’s Little Way. Don\’t know why I suddenly think of that. Therese of Liseux had a little way; and she became a Doctor of the Church. I won\’t be becoming anyone but myself. Or perhaps I am being myself already.

I haven\’t had 10 days off work where I was healthy in almost 5 years. In 2009, I was laid off all summer so I got to run in the morning and walk in the afternoon every day for about 6 weeks. Now, this 10 days off work, I am doing it again. It is amazing considering my heel spur surgery last September and the ensuing 6 weeks on crutches and then months of pain as the foot got back together.

It hurts now. More like the heel gets bothered by the shoe since it is a different type of roundness as well as a bit of hardware. But, doing my slow walk/ jog, I don\’t stress it out too much and I can keep going.

Speaking of going, my little way is just like this: get up early and complete spiritual study and meditation. Get to the park and do miles. Come home and shower, eat, rest on the bed. Do more miles in the afternoon. Do additional spiritual study and go to bed.

I noticed today that my mind was stuck on a part of my personal litany. That is, I quit noticing how fast or how far and just jogged along thinking one spiritual phrase over and over. This is the jumping off place I seek. At this point, I\’m not really in this world.

That I got up at all today is a miracle. When the alarm went off at 4:40, I would have rolled over but I needed to pee. After that, it was easier to decide, \”I\’ll go downstairs and make tea and just do spiritual study.\” But after a good study period, I was suddenly moving around the kitchen, getting my drinks ready.

I made it to Meador Park by 6 am. It was very nice that early. I jogged north to Pine Gully and back. Then just went around Meador park after the sun got up.

To get to Pine Gully on the trail, we run along this boardwalk to cross the bayou. This morning, I saw lots of sea birds.

I know of course that what I am doing with this 7 or 10 day race is completely different than going to a race with a bunch of other people and completing a set distance, like 100 miles, all in one shot. And sure, I\’d do lots of miles whether I was entered in a race or not. I\’m watching to see what the external influence of the virtual race is doing to my internal drive. I don\’t think I\’ll ever do 100 miles straight through. But I\’ll continue to do multi-days. I am more interested in doing something every day rather than accomplishing one big thing and then doing nothing.

Monday July 7, 4 pm-

Having finished 103 miles yesterday, way ahead of where I thought I\’d be, I slept in today. It was supposed to be a rest day. But after an extended time of spiritual study, laundry and cooking beans, I felt good so jumped on the treadmill for 90 minutes/ 6.5 miles. That went really well.

Then I decided to try a new thing. That is, I have a new \”heat gear\” shirt from UnderArmor. The shirt is very tight so it absorbs sweat, then the breeze cools you off. And the shirt keeps the sun off your skin, so it is like wearing shade. I decided to put it on and go over to pine Gully park. This park has half trees and half sun, but it is right on Galveston Bay so it is always windy. And the clouds might come up sooner at that location.

Well, the shirt worked great. I felt really good despite the sun being out. I was there 2h39min, 11.06 miles. Then I went to the grocery store. There is chocolate in the house. But right now I am eating for the first time today. The shirt is in the Woolite in case I want to try it again tomorrow. Today was supposed to be a short day, but I have over 18 miles.

I\’ve learned that I love Red Bull and grapefruit juice much more that other drinks I\’ve used in the past.

Total for the race is now at 122 miles. I feel fine except for toe nails. I might just continue with \”easy\” days for the next 6 days

I\’ve been very lucky to figure out the weather here; or at least how to get along with it. I am still amazed that I am doing so well. I never do this well at a real race. I think it is because my body needs to re-group every few hours and this can\’t be done away from home. I always feel better after laying on the bed a couple of hours; and if i am at home, it is easy to get going again. At an \”away\” race, I\’m likely 100 miles up the road.

Sunday July 6, 6:35 pm-

Ha. I felt good this afternoon so I went for another 7.27 mile walk. I am at 103.78 for 3 days. Legs haven\’t felt that tired in years.

Sunday July 6, 2:40 pm-

Perhaps I was suffering from heat sickness earlier. But after lying on the bed a couple of hours, and allowing the nerve pains to work out, I have arisen. I am wearing a special pair of shoes and considering walking.

Sunday July 6-

The alarm went off 7 minutes earlier than yesterday. And I needed that extra time to decide to get up. But I did get up and was downstairs at 4 am. I did a little Course in Miracles study. I suddenly understood \”accepting Atonement for myself.\”

By 4:48, exactly the same time as yesterday, I went jogging in El Lago. That went well and I finished in exactly the same time as yesterday (6+ miles and 78 minutes). Then disaster, like slowly falling off a cliff.

I got to Brummerhop by 6:20. I had put on mosquito spray today, but darned if they weren\’t very hungry this morning. And God it was humid. Not a cloud in the sky, at least over me, the sun was out from 7:20 onward to about 10:30. There were some thunderstorms over the lake about 1/2 mile away, but the clouds didn\’t reach me until, maddeningly, I was ready to leave. The sun had done its damage by the time the clouds came. The clouds didn\’t stay either. It is still freaking sunny out there.

I was very tired and cranky today. Nothing horrible wrong, just exhausted and hot. Carrying the 2L hydropak was a chore. After I came home, I found that another toenail has bit the dust. A short day; 41 laps of Brummerhop, giving me a total of 23.9 miles this morning. Too much heat and humidity.

I found what I am made of. It takes 3 days and 90 miles to drink my dregs. My dregs are ego. I want to drink the dregs because under the ego is Essence.

Today\’s mantra is for ACIM students: I accept Atonement for myself. I do not support his dreams of fear. We are but the Living Thoughts of Love.

When Jesus said, \”My god, my god, why have you forsaken me,\” that was his ego dying. When he said, \”Into Your hands I commend my spirit,\” that was Essence knowing it was alive. Life cannot die. Running was never \”for\” anything. I do it for myself. It is beyond exercise. It is a tool for discovery of my soul. May I rest in peace.

This is a 7 day race. I don\’t know if more will happen today. I have 2 toes taped. Another hole will be cut in the shoe for toe number 2. An easy walk this eveing would get me the 100 miles in 3 days. We\’ll see how I feel. Miles will happen tomorrow. But I might not set the alarm clock.

I\’m actually pretty freaking proud of what I\’ve done so far. By myself I wouldn\’t do it; but the extra little push of a virtual race got me going. I\’m surprised at how well the heel that had surgery is doing.  All praise for Nimbus 16s.

Saturday July 5 pm-

It is cloudy here so the temps were very reasonable. I felt good by 4:30 so I taped up my toe, cut a hole in the brand new Nimbus and went for a 7 mile walk.

I don\’t know if it will happen or not, but I could get 100 miles tomorrow. A whole day early. No promises. It proves however the fact that I do try harder if it has some reason. I don\’t think I\’d have tried for 100 miles in 3 days without the challenge.

Saturday July 5-

I did not get up in the middle of the night today. But I did make it out of bed at 4 am. About 4:50, after a short meditation, I went jogging in El Lago. I was surprised that my feet and shoes felt really good. I was doing all jogging but low impact; just under 14 min miles. After 6+ miles, I came home for a pit stop. Then gathered up the Nathan and the cooler and went over to Brummerhop park. I did really well there. It is hotter today than yesterday. When I quit, it was 103F humidex. I had full sunshine by 9:30. I stuck it out until 11:30. I ended the day with 27.87 miles. That is amazing.

Except for one toe nail, I don\’t have much wrong other than fatigue. Dealing with the heat is dreadful. I will say that as today wore on, I started to reach the reason for this endeavor: The Secret of Endurance. It takes many mile to get me to this point. It is the point of survival, the end of the body\’s resources. I struggle with this point in every race I go in. The point where I think I am going to die so I quit. I want to grapple with this state.

The game I play with this 7 day endeavor is utter nonsense. I am doing miles and pushing myself literally for no external benefit. Actually, it is an external deficit. But only after hours and miles do I get to drink my dregs. I want to drink my dregs.

Hardly anyone was in the park today. The wienie-man who doesn\’t cleanup after his dog didn\’t come; so no new dog piles.

I\’m past halfway on getting 100 miles; 64.39 miles. I have given myself permission to do nothing else today. I said that yesterday too, however, and walked another 5 miles in the evening. I have one big toenail that got hammered today. I see that I\’ll need to carve a hole in the shoes as well as tape up the toe.

Friday pm July 4– About 6 pm, I felt spunky again so I went out to do more walking:

Friday, July 4-
My cell phone awakened me at 11:45pm on Thursday. I came immediately downstairs and put on my shoes. Then waited for 12:01. I checked my fitbit and it said zero. So, I clipped it on and walked on the treadmill for 3.8 miles / one hour. Then I went back to bed.

I was dead asleep at 3:55am when the alarm went off. I failed to get up! I snoozed for 20 minutes and then made it up. After a brief meditation, I went outside to El Lago and jogged for an hour / ending with 8.81 miles on the fitbit. Then, I had a pit stop at home, gathered up the Nathan and a small cooler. By 6:20am, I was doing laps in Brummerhop park.

My foot was very fussy at first. I had to change insoles 3 times until I got one that didn\’t hurt. Then I remembered that my foot already had 9 miles on it so a bit of fussiness is to be expected. It reminded me that my foot will stand a certain number of miles each day; but not as many as my brain seems to want to go.

I did 52 laps of Brummerhop. What goes on there? People walk their dogs. I know exactly who didn\’t clean up after their dog. I asked the one elderly man about what looks like an abscess on his dog. It is a sad story but the vet cannot fix it. Guys play basketball. Other runners breeze through. A wild looking young man pushes a stroller through. Brummerhop is very small, but it is one of the few places with dirt paths and many trees. So running can be done. Here\’s how the front of it looks.

It is hard to see, but the post above the doggie dumpster has two bags hanging on it. Besides the Nathan on my back, I brought a small cooler and a bag with insoles and hats. In the cooler I had ice cold Red Bull, Starbucks latte, grapefruit juice, lemonade and 2 apples. I drank all that plus 3 gels and one fruit bar. I still lost weight due to sweating.

Houston is hot all the time, but for Houston, I would have called today tolerable. I stayed outside until almost noon. I didn\’t have any heat problems. But there had been a completely blue sky for the last hour and it was getting hot.

Today, I was walking a little over 7 hours and got 30+ miles so far. My legs do feel that. I don\’t know that much more will happen today. I still have 6 more race days. I think 100 miles will be reached quite fast; but I need to keep from going into too much foot pain. Or the race is over. I actually didn\’t think I\’d stay outside until almost noon. Usually, I get too hot before 10.

Here is a screen shot of my race statistics so far:

1/3 of the way there almost. But I will keep putting up miles for the whole race. I don\’t think I\’ll get as far tomorrow.

Living Gold

Plotinus Enneads 4.7.10: \”Imagine living gold: it files away all that is earthy about it, all that kept it in self-ignorance preventing it from knowing itself as gold; seen now unalloyed it is at once filled with admiration of its worth and knows that it has no need of any other glory than its own, triumphant if only it be allowed to remain purely to itself.\”

It says something about me, my essence, that I have plowed my way through more than 400 pages of Plotinus. The writing is from 250CE or so. And I am not previously at student of Plato, so I didn\’t at first understand the terminology.

I bring up Plotinus today in relation to a special hate relationship I\’ve had to pray about for the past few weekends. Students of A Course in Miracles will know about special relationships and special hate relationships. Well, there is a person in my life who I dreamed into an object of hate, attack and then guilt. So I turn to the Holy Spirit to practice ACIM forgiveness, a practice of looking beyond or looking within. The words of Plotinus were a very good help today as I kept \”Imagine Living Gold\” as something of a mantra while I ran.

I cannot afford the agony of a special hate relationship. I cannot afford to judge or resent anyone. Spirituality is the only tool I have for healing of my own mind. I have nothing enlightening to say about God because all my energy is taken up with healing my resentment. I pray for X. I pray for his health prosperity and happiness. I pray that everything I want for myself be given to him.

Selah! I am now free.

If I am committed to finding The One, then I need to be free of this world. Downward mobility, resisting the powers and principalities clothed in society\’s norms, grasping for more, insatiable competition. All these urges are in me. I try to be the opposite.

Running laps in Brummerhop park is extreme nothingness. It wears one\’s ego down, clears the dross and I find Living Gold.

I have had an extremely great month for miles:

The amount of hours can only increase slowly and reach a working girl max pretty soon. But I have been running more (cross train less) so the miles go up. This mileage from a person who is rebuilding a foot that had achilles surgery and 6 weeks of non-weight-bearing.

Starting at 12:00 am on Friday this week, I am starting a 7 day race. I can\’t tell you how eager I am to take 7 days off work and do laps in Brummerhop park. I can\’t tell you how I relish the Houston heat and humidity. This weekend I spent 40 miles and 8.5 hours literally dripping with sweat. It was awesome. I wore my new Nathan Vapor Shape and took sips every 5 minutes or so. I wore my Solumbra sunhat with the wide brim and neck drape.

I go around and around Brummerhop park and pray my mantra. It is a tiny park; but it is across the street from my house and it does have trees. Shade is all important in a place like Houston.

I think alot. I think about the Sri Chinmoy 3,100 mile race. I think about my own running and what races I might like to go in. I think about work and the friction I feel because I don\’t go along with certain group norms.  And the strange life path that lead me to Houston. WTF: Texas. Freaking Texas. I live in freaking Texas! How did that happen?

Poverty and Laps

I just walked around Brummerhop park 30 times. I would have walked further, but I have an appointment this afternoon. I dread going out. I\’d much rather re-fill my hydro-pak and head out into Houston\’s heat and humidity.

In walking, I\’ve discovered my essence. I can walk and walk, if not fast. I cannot run and run. In walking around for hours, I lose myself and all my possessions.

The people who walk their dogs or pick berries know me. They see me walking around. Sometimes they comment. A man asked me today if I was doing it for exercise or cardio. Well…..  How do you answer that question without stopping? But the man wouldn\’t understand any way.

A walker may look fit, but they are not seen as an athlete. So I am robbed of that possession.
If I walk a race, I finish but not very fast. So I am robbed of that possession.
I can\’t explain in a sound bite why I walk. So I am robbed of that possession.
I can\’t explain to the multitudes why I walk. So I am robbed of that possession.

Well, really, all these possessions are ego possessions. In fact, walking belong to essence; and this cannot be explained. Bragging rights are the ego\’s. Soul simply walks.

I am going in a road marathon next weekend. I am looking forward to seeing friends. I am dreading the environment of a road race. I\’ll have to hustle in order to make the time cut-off. I don\’t want to hustle.

At the age of 40, I renounced the world and went to live in a monastery. At the age of 44, I got kicked out of the monastery. When I came back to secular society, I found I didn\’t want many of its things and activities. I\’ve continued to live without much of society. As time goes by, I continue to decrease my participation in the general thought patterns. I thank God that I am free of so much social activity.

Yes I pay bills and go to work. No I don\’t \’many other things.\’ I work each day in my mind, pruning thought from society, encouraging thoughts of essence. My thoughts of essence are not my original thoughts. I might be studying some great thinker who is unknown to most of society, not mainstream. But the fact remains, I am not participating in society.

Walking laps in a small track, I can direct my thinking inward. I find essence. I have more time later today and 3 more days this weekend to enjoy solitude with essence.

ACIM Resurrection Lesson

This morning, my Course in Miracles lesson was number 151: \”All things are echoes of the Voice for God.\”

And as the culmination of years of prayer and meditation, I had this astounding thought: All the others are my spiritual companions.

Now this thought is a healed thought. It is a thought the Voice for God could have thought with me. The Voice for God honors Christ (the Christ within all others). And I see the love beyond the hate. And so I experienced resurrection: life beyond this world.

And so I went to Brummerhop park and jog walked 50 laps. It is a small park so that is only 18.5 miles. It is a good place to meditate.

The first 13.1 miles were part of a virtual half marathon. Silly me, I signed up on-line for what I thought was a virtual triple race. I liked the idea of earning a medal for three half marathons in 3 days, my private Easter triple. But the RD e-mailed me and said I\’d need to enter 2 more times and send her another $70 to get \”credit\” for 3 races. At which point I became cheap and annoyed.

So, one medal is in the mail. I have been assigned a number. The result of today will be recorded. But I still plan to do miles tomorrow.

Because miles are what I do. I do spiritual study the first hour of the day; and then meditate on the day\’s lesson while I do miles. Tomorrow however, I think I\’ll go to the Seabrook trails. Then I\’ll get a view of Galveston Bay. I have come to rather like that. The park there will be full of Mexicans camping for Easter weekend. I find myself happy with that idea.

Now, I feel a bit like my biceps need some work. So, upstairs I go.

Here is the medal for my virtual race. I like it.


Today was another memorable sweatfest in Brummerhop Park. I got 16.4 miles of slow jog in between 9 am and 1 pm. My shoes were sopping wet I sweat so much. I drank 70 oz of water. When I came home I didn\’t feel well.

But you know? I love it. I like being out there sweating. Yes, it is Houston in August. There is a ton more humidity than I ever even thought about when I was in Missouri. But looking back on it, I realize I relish the hours walking or slow jogging in that heat.

I\’m not the only one out there either.

Nothing much was on my mind. Well, except my upcoming races in Wyoming and Missouri. But, the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence race is over for another year. My anniversaries are over for another year. What is left if the daily focus: study ACIM, silent thought, exercise, AA on the weekends. But, try not to distract from God too much. Realize this world holds no lasting satisfaction. It is the spiritual reality which I cherish.

Brummerhop Park

Brummerhop is a very tiny park. But much of it is tree shaded. That is why I spend so much time there in the summer. So, the long jog yesterday went well. Today, I did another 2 hour jog. My heel doesn\’t feel too bad. Good news. I\’m starting to think that the massive pain from last weekend was caused by running on the concrete bridge.

Jogging in Brummerhop could be eternal. That is, if you are there often enough and long enough, you lose track of where you are. Time loses its meaning and you just are.

I came home and again waited for Mr AC to show up. Finally…..he came and the AC is ready for another year.

I think I might go ride my bike around El Lago for afternoon exercise.

Done Deal

Actually, I finally realized the deal was done long ago. I just hadn\’t fully realized or accepted it.

Today is my 9/80 Friday off. So the first thing that happened is that I slept in. Then, I had a leisurely period of spiritual study. In fact I am in chapter 16.VII of A Course in Miracles text. Here is a little bit of what I read which possibly could be understood by a non-course student.

\”Do not underestimate the intensity of the ego’s drive for vengeance on the past. It is completely savage and completely insane. For the ego remembers everything you have done that has offended it, and seeks retribution of you. The fantasies it brings to its chosen relationships in which to act out its hate are fantasies of your destruction. For the ego holds the past against you, and in your escape from the past it sees itself deprived of the vengeance it believes you so justly merit. Yet without your alliance in your own destruction, the ego could not hold you to the past. In the special relationship you are allowing your destruction to be. That this is insane is obvious. But what is less obvious is that the present is useless to you while you pursue the ego’s goal as its ally….Against the ego’s insane notion of salvation the Holy Spirit gently lays the holy instant. We said before that the Holy Spirit must teach through comparisons, and uses opposites to point to truth. The holy instant is the opposite of the ego’s fixed belief in salvation through vengeance for the past. In the holy instant it is understood that the past is gone, and with its passing the drive for vengeance has been uprooted and has disappeared. The stillness and the peace of now enfold you in perfect gentleness. Everything is gone except the truth.\”

I pondered \”destruction\” and \”hate fantasies\” and the \”holy instant\”. I was able to disgorge some nasty thoughts which were quietly playing in my mind and give these to whatever spiritual power there is.

Then I read Uptal\’s Perfection Journey blog.  I was inspired by the stories of the runners.

Then I loaded up my water bottles and headed to Brummerhop park intending just to walk laps for awhile. Quite quickly I got to my revelation about \”Done Deal.\” I remembered the fateful day near the Jaffa Gate in old Jerusalem. I was 22 or so. I was watching a couple of Hassidic men in fur hats and beards and ear locks walk into the Via Delarosa. I had a tiny thought, \”If they are willing to dress like that, there must be something to this God thing.\”

I was not a meditator at the time, so it is amazing that I noticed that one little thought. Except that I instantly answered yes. In that moment, I became a God seeker and nothing has since been able to knock me off track. So, in the religious sense, it was in that moment that I became married to the God quest. I didn\’t really need monastic profession to validate the commitment. It is a done deal. I said I do, or I will, and that is that.

It was jogging in super hot, super humid, small and secret Brummerhop park today that I finally realized the truth of my being. Doing laps in Brummerhop park is an existential activity. It is the equal of sitting on a cushion or attending Mass. All is communion.

Nothing needs to be added to anyone to achieve holiness. It is merely a matter of saying yes and accepting conscious contact with a higher power. I said yes long ago and the practice of conscious contact has never abated.