Sunday Mind Training

Today, I slept late. In Houston, that can mean that it is too hot outside to do anything. I didn\’t plan on staying out very long today. It is a partly cloudy day with a small breeze and Brummerhop Park has trees. So I loaded up my hydropak and got started walking about 9:10.

How long would I go? I didn\’t know. I thought I\’d be sensible and stop when my plantar decided to stop. But that wasn\’t a big pain today. I remembered that one of the reasons I fail at ultra running is that my mind gives up before it is totally necessary for the body. My mind decides there is no point and decides to stop. But there never was a point to my life or anything I\’ve ever done, ever.

I love to sweat. I love to think about the endlessness of ultra-running. But I fail at carrying out the endlessness. So instead of just imagining that some day I would sweat and keep going, I decided that today was for mind training and I\’d keep going until I had to stop. Basically, when I ran out of water.

Brummerhop park is a great place for contemplation. I have a 0.37 mile loop. Walking around it really has no goal other than getting the ego to stop doing the math; which in my case takes awhile. Today, I also decided to be here now. Whenever I noticed myself dreaming of some future race, I dragged my mind back to today: keep walking today.

Brummerhop park walking is alot like the monastic cell and St Romuald\’s Little Rule:
\”Sit in your cell as in paradise. Put the whole world behind you and forget it. Watch your thoughts like a good fisherman watching for fish. … Empty yourself completely and sit waiting, content with the grace of God…\”

When I was in the monastery, I learned of the monastic journey where the body doesn\’t go anywhere but the mind expands. When I think of Brummerhop Park, I do think of mind expansion. More than training for any race, I want the ability to walk around the park endlessly, no goals. Keep walking until the ego quits doing the math. Enforced simplicity, mental awareness, awe of the great eternal beingness.

Brummerhop Park is a symbol of my decision to be a contemplative above all else. As I become a walker instead of a runner or racer, I carry out the contemplative mission. I had a 5 hour meditation today. I lived an entire lifetime today.

My Course in Miracles phrase was: \” The Holy Spirit teaches that I cannot lose my soul, and there is no gain in the world.\” This is what I used to bring my mind back to the now.

Up the boardwalk, down the boardwalk, green lizard, red birds, cicadas, butterfly, dragon fly, rabbit, frog, bug, bug, bug, watch that vine, drink, push the lap counter, cars, trees, swamp, shade, old leather glove, mushroom, ant path, poop, playground, up the boardwalk, down the boardwalk….

I got near to 4 hours and realized I was going to continue past that. It seems unreasonable to start a walk in 81F humid Texas and keep walking past the noon hour. I was hot. My legs in a bit of pain. But I wasn\’t dead yet so I kept walking.

After 49 laps and just over 5 hours, I sucked air from the hydropak. So, one more lap and go home. A good day. I did what I dream about instead of quitting too soon.

Its nothing.

Texas Self Transcendence

Today, I slept late. This means I have to account for heat and sun if I go running. This usually means Brummerhop park. I run a figure 8 route around the park; it overlaps in 2 places. Today I ran 47 laps: 17.39 miles per mapmyrun.com

Not a cloud in the sky. Temps near 90. 50% humidity. I carried my Nathan hydro-pak. My house is with a quarter of a mile of this place, but I always figure that if I go home, I\’ll stay there where its cool. So I don\’t go home. I carry the water.

I spent time thinking about my Colorado running vacation. I spent time thinking about the 3,100 mile race. I spent time thinking about my screwed up heel and newest goner toe nail. I spent time praying and meditating. Really, after 3 hours in the heat, the final hour belongs to the Holy Spirit.

I think self transcendence occurs when nothing matters any more. It means your ego has quit and you are experiencing\”just\” your simple consciousness. Simple consciousness is a term I just made up this instant. It means the simple self who has no agenda and just keeps going forward. It has no baggage, no attachment to the past or the future. It is at peace.

It does not mean anything that I am driven to workout 20 hours a week or run 50+. I do it. I go in races. But it doesn\’t mean anything. It is just something to do. In some way, it is an expression of my simple self. In other ways, it is an expression of ego.

47 laps around a park is useless but also simple. There is nothing challenging about the course (other than its hot in Texas). Nothing to brag about (I didn\’t even see a snake today). All it is is running. It is not really training; just running.

I live in the armpit of Houston. I run in this micro park because it is dirt and has trees and is easy to get to. BFD. Right?

Actually, no ones life matters. All ways of life are ultimately meaningless. So I might as well run as many miles as my body will let me.

The Remedy for Everything

God is the only goal I have today.

That\’s it. As soon as I think that, my fears dissolve. That is, fear is not just fear. It is my goal of fear. Yes, all my fear is made by me to meet the goal. Once I am afraid, I have no chance of knowing God and knowing I am loved and cared for and safe.

But as soon as I shift my goal from fear to God, I feel fine. I have no goal in this world.

Today I had a bit of extra time. First I bought a new treadmill; a good one from an equipment supplier, not a box store. I need this to reduce my concrete running and to do hill workouts here in flat Houston.

Then, after a little \”work from home\” and lunch, I went out for a 9 mile jog in the park across the street.

An interaction with another person today left me with a low grade ego resentment. As I ran laps around the park, I sorted through my fear. After about 1 hour and 20 minutes, I realized I could give it to God. And so I did. It vanished.

Nothing can bother me if I stick to my goal: God is the only goal I have today.