How to Remember

Eternal Silence lives its life in me.
Stately silent Love has set me free.

I stop and remember That Silence behind everything at various times. Remembering it, my Course in Miracles practice of looking beyond this reality goes much better. I am in God. I am part of God. There is no way for there to be anything else but this.

I am chewing over a Christian who blogs about the unclean. There is no such thing as \”unclean.\” What I perceive in this world is a delusion. So the hoity toity don\’t want dirty drunks in their nice palace-like churches. Or people actually think God doesn\’t want \”unclean\” because the Bible says so.

I need to look beyond and remember That Silence. We are one with it. Cannot possibly be separate.

I had an 88 min jog/walk in the warm moist air of Houston this morning. I am one with That Silence.

I have to make a presentation before the Ops Council this afternoon. I am one with That Silence.

I am going to Colorado on Saturday to run for 5 days. I am one with That Silence.

All around the world, I keep hearing that I am in charge of such and such. I am one with That Silence.

The guys at the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence race keep churning out their daily 60 or 70 miles on the concrete of New York City. I am one with That Silence.

I am That Silence. I am part of God.

One more mile. I am one with That Silence.

Just putting this here so I can fake web host it.

Its About Spirit

Not bling!

I\’m going in a half marathon while I am in Colorado. But I\’m not going to Colorado to run a race. I\’m going there to spend time on my feet at 9,000 feet, 11% humidity and beautiful mountains. Time on my feet develops into a meditation. The meditation embraces that inner strength. I become one with Love.

I just bought one of these to wear when I workout:

This hachimaki headband features a rising sun and the kanji for Toukon – made up from the Japanese characters meaning ’fight’ and ’spirit’ or ’soul’. Ideal for martial artists, athletes and demonstrators.

Japanese hachimaki are thin cotton strips tied around the forehead. Originally worn at festivals to ward off evil spirits, they also serve the purpose of keeping hair and perspiration out of the wearer’s eyes.

Hachimaki also help the wearer to gather his/her spirits and show determination and resolve.

The 3,100 miles self transcendence race is 2 days down. Yesterday my own race was a little short as I went to see Dr Torture who does ART/Graston on my left heel. Today so far: I got out of bed on time, did my early spiritual study and then 74 min of ex-bike, elliptic and running outside.

Texas Self Transcendence

Today, I slept late. This means I have to account for heat and sun if I go running. This usually means Brummerhop park. I run a figure 8 route around the park; it overlaps in 2 places. Today I ran 47 laps: 17.39 miles per mapmyrun.com

Not a cloud in the sky. Temps near 90. 50% humidity. I carried my Nathan hydro-pak. My house is with a quarter of a mile of this place, but I always figure that if I go home, I\’ll stay there where its cool. So I don\’t go home. I carry the water.

I spent time thinking about my Colorado running vacation. I spent time thinking about the 3,100 mile race. I spent time thinking about my screwed up heel and newest goner toe nail. I spent time praying and meditating. Really, after 3 hours in the heat, the final hour belongs to the Holy Spirit.

I think self transcendence occurs when nothing matters any more. It means your ego has quit and you are experiencing\”just\” your simple consciousness. Simple consciousness is a term I just made up this instant. It means the simple self who has no agenda and just keeps going forward. It has no baggage, no attachment to the past or the future. It is at peace.

It does not mean anything that I am driven to workout 20 hours a week or run 50+. I do it. I go in races. But it doesn\’t mean anything. It is just something to do. In some way, it is an expression of my simple self. In other ways, it is an expression of ego.

47 laps around a park is useless but also simple. There is nothing challenging about the course (other than its hot in Texas). Nothing to brag about (I didn\’t even see a snake today). All it is is running. It is not really training; just running.

I live in the armpit of Houston. I run in this micro park because it is dirt and has trees and is easy to get to. BFD. Right?

Actually, no ones life matters. All ways of life are ultimately meaningless. So I might as well run as many miles as my body will let me.

The Crucible

My private gym is the place of intense fire. There is a treadmill, Nordic Track and Versa Climber in the first picture. There is an elliptical and ex-bike in the second. Also shown is a step platform. Not shown is the mini-trampoline, the TRX or the free weights.

This morning, I had another miracle run: 16.9 miles of sweat in Texas. Now, several hours later, I can tell my left heel is not in serious trouble. I wore my new Badwater hat. I\’m not ever going to race Badwater; but I can adopt the courage of someone who is. So the hat inspires me. While I was running this morning, I saw a fat girl out walking. The word Courage was on the back of her shirt. I teared up. I embody courage in my own way. Here are the simple things a long distance runner has: Badwater hat, Nathan hydro-pak, Garmin and shoes:

After my run, I enjoyed the feeling of a sore body. I can\’t explain why I like this but I do. I spent every day off work achieving it.

2 weeks to Ultra Monk\’s Colorado ultra training camp. Soon, I\’ll decide about Merrill\’s Mile. tomorrow the 3,100 Self Transcendence Race begins. I want to do endurance for my own reasons. Not Scott Jurek\’s or any other person\’s.

My spiritual thoughts continued to center on total willingness to be one with God. Enlightenment is expressed by a Course in Miracles as: God\’s Will (enlightenment) is an experience of total willingness. It is blocked by wishes for other experience. Now some people totally surrender in moments of despair or near death. Most others, like me, live lives of growing joy in the knowledge that we are light.

Colorado Training Camp

I\’m holding a private ultra altitude training camp in 2 weeks. I\’m pretty happy with the setup: a bike path around Dillon reservoir, 18 miles around.

I know some trail running aficionados would think this stupid, but I can\’t run trails. So, this beautiful bike path at 9,000+ feet is where I\’ll be. Works for me. All photos copied from the internet.

Besides the running, I\’ll also hike on the Continental Divide trail leaving out of Silverthorne.

So excited.

Making Connections

A student of A Course in Miracles reads about how he is not really separate from others. There is only one mind, one Son of God; not separate bodies who don\’t know God and can\’t stand each other either.

Some of these teachings seem completely impossible. How could I ever see my brother as myself? How could I ever see that it was my own projection which made the delusion/illusion in front of my eyes?

I sort of have an inkling of the oneness. It might be too complicated to write; and the excitement of the moment is hard to capture in words.

Two fronts: a book I am reading by Scott Jurek, \”Eat and Run\”, vs my struggles to let go of those I\’ve been secretly jealous of.

See, I\’m secretly jealous of real ultra runners who seem to accomplish what I\’ve failed at. But also, the sisters in the monastery who claim to be more holy due to their monastic profession. Also those people who our society deems successful: the rich, the doctors, the warriors, athletes in general, successful managers, mothers, etc.

So, I\’m reading Scott\’s book. Over and over I find myself in tears as I read his moments of triumph. I think of myself with my sore heel. I think of Scott floating through beautiful forests, running forever without physical debilitation. I\’m a 53 year old professional woman ultra-runner-want-to-be living in the devastatingly hot and flat, totally urban Houston. Scott is a strong young man with access to hills.

I stop my reading and listen to that inner Voice: Scott and I are one. See, the inner force which pulls him also pulls me. Scott\’s story is part of my projection. I suddenly realize that not all my projections are fat diabetics or sexual predators. Some of them are Scotts and some are Sisters. These are not separate people. We are one. I don\’t need to be jealous.

I am able to be touched by Scott\’s story because the same force which is in him is in me. We are not separate. The physical body is the illusion. The inner force is the reality; and that we share. We are not separate. The illusion does not exist. The inner force does.

The 3,100 miles Self Transcendence race begins this weekend. I love to read daily reports about runners going around a 0.5 mile block in NYC for 52 days. I love thinking about my own little loops that I run. I love thinking about my Colorado running vacation in 2 weeks.

This morning, I went running at 4:30 am. It was 81F and very humid. That is as good as Texas will get for 3 months. I was grateful for that run. I keep hoping I can get out of bed this weekend and do a long run. But even so, as I worked out yesterday in my home gym, I could feel the force of endless endurance. In the limitlessness is Eternal Silence and I appreciate its presence.

The Power of MY Thought

I have ignored this concept usually. One of the teachings of A Course in Miracles is to accept the power as supported by the Holy Spirit\’s thought system, put in the effort to direct my thinking and believe in its power, stop believing in the ego\’s dissonance.

25 years ago, I heard that thoughts create reality. I didn\’t grasp or live in that belief. In other words, I denied the power.

I wake up every morning with a head full of crappy thoughts about myself and the world. But I quickly sit down and do a little studying of a Course in Miracles. This always enable me to direct my thinking towards love, joy, peace, Help; essential okay-ness.

Essential okay-ness is necessary for me. Without it I\’d need to kill myself, take drugs, eat myself to death or something.

Chapter 7.VI excerpts:

\”Your ability to direct your thinking as you choose is part of its power. If you do not believe you can do this you have denied the power of your thought, and thus rendered it powerless in your belief….Produced by fear, the ego reproduces fear. This is its allegiance, and this allegiance makes it treacherous to love because you are love. Love is your power, which the ego must deny. It must also deny everything this power gives you because it gives you everything….The ego therefore opposes all appreciation, all recognition, all sane perception and all knowledge.\”
Part of my doldrums are related to my left heel pain. Actually this pain is getting better and piece by piece the issues are being solved. But since I am not pain free, I get down about it. Actually, I get down because I am not Scott Jurek or any number of other amazing ultra-runners. I get down as I\’ve only been working out 16 hours a week instead of 20. I get down for only running 50 miles a week instead of 80. I get down because I weight 134 instead of 130, or 129. I worry about my Colorado running vacation because I might not be able to do 8 hours of walk jog every day.
So, you see a pattern here?  Where have I set my bars? Insane? So, it is A Course in Miracles that turns the doldrums around every morning. THE Answer is a spiritual remedy. My ego allies with the doldrums and supports going down. Spirit supports the essential okay-ness. I feel much better in okay-ness. I need to feel better. 
Self transcendence is choosing Spirit instead of ego; and then getting out of bed.
And then go running. Yeah!

Next Stop Colorado

Silverthorne, Copper Mountain, Dillon Reservoir and the Continental Divide. You name it, I could be running there. My next trip is the end of June, 4th of July week.

For starters, I\’m entered in a half marathon on Copper Mountain. What was I thinking? The turn around at 10 miles is above 10,300 feet! This Texas girl won\’t be finishing very fast. I hope they still have the finish line open by the time I get done.

The best I can do to prepare is to run uphill on my treadmill, 15% incline. Hill-arious! Still, I can\’t wait to have 5 days of running and hiking in the mountains. That yellow trail of the Continental Divide doesn\’t look like it has any trees. Never-the-less, I picture myself hiking up it for a few hours with my hydro-pak and desert hat.

It is hard to describe how wonderful I feel about myself. There was a 4 week period at the end of April and through May where I ran 2 ultras and one pretty good half marathon. The day after the half marathon, I was hobbling as my heel was stressed. By today though, I was able to run 5 mph uphill on the treadmill. I keep forgetting that I have pushed myself pretty hard in the past month. So it is amazing that I did all those races and can still run and workout.