The Decision

This morning, I read this from ACIM Text chapter 22 (highlight is mine):

\”When you come to the place where the branch in the road is quite apparent, you cannot go ahead. You must go either one way or the other. For now if you go straight ahead, the way you went before you reached the branch, you will go nowhere. The whole purpose of coming this far was to decide which branch you will take now. The way you came no longer matters. It can no longer serve. No one who reaches this far can make the wrong decision, although he can delay. And there is no part of the journey that seems more hopeless and futile than standing where the road branches, and not deciding on which way to go.


2 It is but the first few steps along the right way that seem hard, for you have chosen, although you still may think you can go back and make the other choice. This is not so. A choice made with the power of Heaven to uphold it cannot be undone. Your way is decided. There will be nothing you will not be told, if you acknowledge this.\”

It is helpful to me to realize that \”I have decided.\” See my ego wants to waffle around about spirituality. But the \”something else\” part of my mind clearly is moving forward with spirituality. This insistence on knowing God carries forward no matter: how many atheists I meet, how many Christians I meet, how humiliating getting kicked out of a monastery is, how much work demands, how much running demands.

In fact, one reason I get up early, live alone and work is so I can have a quiet hour to do spiritual study. I mean, I need money in order to provide this atmosphere for myself. I need to get out of bed to have this time for contemplation.

Since I have been in pursuit of God for decades, motivated only by spirit, I say that is a witness to the decision.

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Help

Driving home tonight, I was thinking about my decision to believe in a higher power; not just a benign higher power but one that helps me. That\’s when my break through occurred.

What help is it that I get? Not help in the material world, as in: pulling strings so I get what I want. I get help with my thoughts. I get help with ego renunciation and transcendence. That is, if I truly honestly want love based thinking, I get help. But still, I have to choose and decide to seriously take the help. I have to actually give up resenting that person and back stabbing them with my thoughts and words. Key word here is actual, ACTUAL.

Several times a day, I realize I\’m resenting someone. Right then, as soon as I realize it, I ask for the help and then accept the help and then ACTUALLY deny those thoughts and words.

I want my life to be about self transcendence. In that case, any bit of unfairness at work is a practice. What I want is not a great career but love based thinking. If a great career is a by-product of the spiritual work, so be it; but career success is not the goal.

The Task – Decision….

…again resolved today: I will pursue the spiritual path to where ever it leads me. Being a spiritual athlete is true. I accept my path. Fitness is part of self transcendence and, hence, part of the spiritual path.

My waffling around of late has had more to do with work. Work is part of the path; but where is the line between spiritual work and ego work? Where do I make my stand? Where do I say, \”I am afraid of letting the bosses see I am not totally committed to this company,\” and must give time and energy to running and prayer. And so I face my fear: if I am not committed, will I get laid off?

And so I come to my soul with the fear, consciously. And so I let spirituality be the foundation and everything else is for spiritual growth. Material world losses can lead to spiritual growth as much as material world promotions. It all takes discernment: what is my soul saying to me? Surrender to my soul is what makes possible the idea that all is for spirituality.

And then I must return to my decision. I choose spirituality despite my ego\’s qualms and fears and attempts to seek security in the material world. No, I want spiritual connection more.

My weekly rolling mileage total is 63 miles. I went to see my LMT on Monday, so my legs feel great right now. New shoes also help. I am thinking about this weekend and the opportunity to run. I am thinking about my upcoming personal multi-day, which starts next Thursday for 5 days. My personal multi-days are also my personal self transcendence race. I am still working with The Zone diet and learning to plan meals which are exact ratios of protein/carb.

Check out the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence blog by Uptal:
http://perfectionjourney.org/2011/06/22/june-22-there-is-some-purpose/

Resolute Decision

No, I have not made a New Years resolution. Who has ever seen one of those succeed?

Resolute decisions always succeed. Decision making is powerful, the greatest power that I have. Strong decisions made with conviction are impenetrable. I have made a resolute decision.

So what I am I getting at? In about 9 days I\’ll be 52 years old. I have decided that this is not the year for me to lay down and die; or be comfortable and complacent like most 50 somethings I know.

So what?

OK, I have been on a 5 day endurance holiday. Yesterday I ran 27 miles. Today, I ran on trails for 4 hours. During this week, I have run 94 miles, done a few hours on the ex-machines, a few strength workouts and learned to use my new TRX suspension trainer. 2 weeks ago, on December 19, I ran a 3h51min marathon and qualified for Boston, beating the qualifying time by 15 minutes.

My decision is not to lay down and die now. If I go down, it\’ll be fighting.

I heard that there is an all night ultra-race in a park south of here next Friday night. Besides running the race on a trail in the dark, it has creek crossings. So my feet would get good and wet on a subzero night. I was thinking about this race and the problem of cold feet as I ran the trails of Parkville today. After about 2 hours, I realized that I was running right by a creek. Why not get your feet wet right now and see what its like?

Ok, so I left the cute little wooden bridge and dunked my feet in the cold water. I was wearing the two pairs of smartwool socks I would wear for the race so this was a good experiment. Well, your feet warm back up almost immediately and I noticed no signs of blisters even 2 hours and more dunkings later.

So, having faced the fear of wet cold feet, I pondered whether to go to the race. I realized that I was facing a series of mental road blocks; fears which are complete projections. And, I was praying my ACIM Creed, hoping to hear the Holy Spirit\’s guidance.

That was when the conviction struck me. I CANNOT let fear stop me now. It would mean death.

The race I plan to go in on Friday is by comparison with many adventures a very tame affair. Perhaps only a shy and conservative mature lady would think twice about it. But here I am faced with fears. So I am resolved not to die yet. Even if I only do 10k, or even if I walk half the night; I need to get out of my comfort zone. Here is my opportunity.

Say bah! to cold feet. Get them wet and realize it is nothing! Don\’t die.