God – Not God

Last night, just before lights out, I finished the book \”Jesus\” by Deepak Chopra. I was struck by the clever story weaving his own personal belief preferences into his story of Jesus. But, I was again in desolation of Jesus. And a prayer for Jesus went through my mind. Then I was quiet.

What I heard right away in my mind was, \”Knowing God doesn\’t require flashes of bright lights or emotional ecstasy. For the dedicated soul knows quietly inside. This is enough.\” So, don\’t discount your spirituality just because you seem not to have had some enlightenment experience. Hang tough with the still small voice and follow its guidance.

This morning, I started Book IV of Aristotle\’s Metaphysics. I read this, \”…we are seeking the first principles and the highest causes, clearly there must be something to which these belong in virtue of its own nature.\”

Right away, my mind leaped to the \”something\” as God. Then I was sort of filled with disgust. I thought, \”Its such a trap. Everyone wants to know if there is a God.\” Getting ready to go running, I flipped on NPR. There was a woman Buddhist who had lived in Boulder and known several famous gurus there. I thought then, \”Some teachers think they know.\”

No one knows on this plane; unless they know the silence.

Today, I\’m starting lesson 1 from the Course in Miracles workbook: Nothing I see means anything.

Now its off to running on the hills. Then, so exciting, a Canadian is coming to visit me!


Enlightenment Perspective

Been thinking about thinking: alot. Particularly since the topic of creative thinking, innovation and high performance culture seems to be on my work agenda.

I freely admit that I am not that original with my thinking, but I am very good about shifting patterns of thoughts. I\’ve decided to change channels on my spiritual reading for a bit. Last night I began to read a book I\’ve had sitting on the shelf for quite some time: \”The Varieties of Religious Experience\” by William James.

This morning I got his perspective on the topic of enlightenment. I have for some time wondered if enlightenment was really just a chemical reaction. Below is his way of saying that, which I found interesting. But it does provoke me to extend my own thinking and change my beliefs about whether I am or not a spiritual failure.

(These come from pages 25-27.)
\”When we think certain states of mind superior to others…It is either because we take an immediate delight in them; or else it is because we believe them to bring us good consequential fruits for life.\”
\”It is the character of inner happiness in the thoughts which stamp them as good or else their consistency with our other opinions and serviciability for our needs, which make them pass true in our esteem.\”
\”…not a single one of our states of mind, high or low, healthy or morbid, that has not some organic process as its condition… So all of our raptures and our drynesses, our longings and pantings, our questions and beliefs. They are equally organically founded, be the of religious or of non-religious content.\”

Also mentioning that almost all religious founders could be viewed as diseased or crazy, Mr. James mentions: there is no psycho-physical theory connecting spiritual values in general with determinate sorts of psychological change.

My point is that spiritual experiences could be drug induced, diseased induced, starvation induced, sleep deprivation induced or even ultra-marathon induced. They are all the same and equal. But who is to say cheering over a touchdown or eating turkey is not just as valid in terms of spirituality?

God comes to people in various ways, and sometimes whether they are interested or not. God is capricious and only comes to certain lucky people.

Oh come on. Is that the sort of God or spirituality I want? Could that possibly be the definition of love?

My life has been devoted to: spiritual investigation, running and daily work. But in this very instant, I\’m a spiritual zero; unless I can take myself completely out of the standard spiritual concepts and find something true. But almost anything I do would be framed in biology, and my worldly programming. I can\’t define what is true. Pause…..cr@p.

For the past 9 or 10 weeks, I\’ve been running about 80 miles a week. In 10 days, I\’m going in a 12 hour race (although I plan to stop when I get to 50 miles). Today I\’ve been up since 3:20 and I had a nice 9 mile run in the early morning darkness after my spiritual study. I can either be ecstatic or depressed. but since I just made a pot of nicely aromatic Starbucks Vanilla Fusion in my office: I choose ecstasy. Caffeine is as good as psilocybin or traumatic brain injury, and I already had my LSD today. (Long Slow Distance)

Does God Hate Us?

Ok, provacative title on purpose.

There is no God.

Ok, now I\’m being difficult.

But if there is a God, and that God is really beyond our level of thinking, he wouldn\’t like some better than others. So, why is it that so very few of us seem to be enlightened? Many that are enlightened seem to have worked many years in places like Buddhist monasteries and under strict rules. Others just pop into enlightenment with doing anything. Others get it from traumatic brain injury or drugs. Many who work just as hard, take the same drugs or have brain injuries, are not enlightened.

I\’ve attempted many methods for enlightenment. Basically, except for brain injury or drugs, I\’ve tried it. I\’ve listened to many stories and for the most part, I think that \”enlightenment\” is really an endorphin release which feels so good we think it was God.

Now, I\’ve been a student of A Course in Miracles for 3.5 years. I think the material is true, but it still doesn\’t lead to enlightenment. And, it is still outside material, not a direct communication between me and God. So does God hate me or what?

I don\’t know of course. There may not be a God. Or at least, what we hope is God does not exist.

I spent my run today repeating two sentences of my own composition:

Eternal silence is the life in me.
Still and quiet love has set me free.

Basically, I don\’t need to be more complicated than that. Any time I feel the slightest fear, annoyance or anger, it is because I stopped letting silence rule my mind. Anytime, I don\’t like another person, its because I stopped looking for silence in them.

If there is a God, that God must by definition be very silent. That is the only way to be pervasive and eternal.

I ran 22.2 miles on hilly roads today. I ran 73.85 miles this week.

The Key to the Miracle

It is called A Course in Miracles. So ummm…when do I get the miracle? My life has not exactly become a wondrous as whats-her-face that wrote all those books.


Today\’s lesson is a review (204): The Name of God is my inheritance.


So, think about it.


I\’d rather count on the name of God than a 401K, or a man. Stop everything right now and think: God. Does that mean a thing to me?


I\’ve been through everything that people do to be happy: world travel, riding Harley\’s, sex, rock and roll, contemplation in a real monastery, career, skiing, horses, winning awards, drugs and alcohol, you-name-it-I\’ve-done-it.


But I wouldn\’t trade a true understanding of the Name of God for any of it. Think. If I know the name of God is my inheritance, would I bother judging anyone? Would I bother trying to control or manipulate my way into a secure place in life? That is the miracle. The key is: seeing and knowing you are not a body but an idea of love in the Heart of Love. If you are able to truly understand that you could only be love in the Heart of Love (translation of \”the Name of God is my inheritance\”), you would see everything differently. Just stop thinking you are a body surrounded by other bodies which you don\’t like. We are all one idea of love in the Heart of Love. Knowing this and living like it is the miracle. Letting everyone off your judgment hook because you know you are love is the miracle.


The Name of God is my inheritance, and now is when I inherit It. It is always there and always mine.


Today, I may have solved a conundrum: I want to run on trails. But for a variety of reasons, I\’ve not done it until today. Today, I found about two miles of hilly, rocky, rooty, big stepper trails, right near where I live. Trails work so many more muscles than flat running or road running. I needed to add them to my repertoire. So here are a couple of pics:




A Pause for God

I ran a marathon on Saturday: Fallsburg. An ending.

I have known a lady for 25 years and tomorrow she moves away. An ending.

On July 27, 2010, the anniversary of becoming a Course in Miracles student, I felt intuitively that this coming year would be a year of peace. Which meant to me a year of quiet in my outer projection of the world (no major changes); and a year of identification with inner peace. Peace is quiet. Most humans cannot stand quiet. Humans are forever starting new projects and attempting new accomplishments; never realizing that these are distractions from God.

In my endings, I have to stop and say, \”there is only God.\”

But really, while my life appears quiet and empty to most, it is still another ripple on the Ocean of Peace. Say God again and rest again.

I contemplate the Ocean of Peace, which is God. I sit silently and gaze. You can turn off your thoughts if you want to enough.

Inner peace is more than not participating in worldly life, because we cannot totally avoid worldly life, because it is my projection to begin with. It is more a matter of realizing it is a project of my own thoughts, identifying and owning the thoughts (fear and hate), bringing them to Jesus for correction and learning to identify more with the Self than the world. The Self is the Son of God which we all are, which never left the quiet embrace of the Father.

I pause again and step into the quiet embrace.

My quads were quite beaten up by the trails of the marathon. It took Sunday and Monday to release the pain. By Tuesday I was running again. Today, I hope to run in a park on Lake Michigan. I\’ve also been doing ex-tube workouts in my hotel room. Tomorrow, I return home.

I am signed up for another 12 hour race in October; and I think I\’ll go in a 50k on 9/11. But now, I have to go to my job.

I Wish God Would Love Me

So many of us spend our lives seeking approval and wanting others to love us. We want our parents to love us. We want our children to love us. We extend our needs to teachers and religious institutions and work places.

And we build our lives around this need for love. We try to achieve in order to be loved. We take vows in order to guarantee love. We help others. We seek enlightenment.

To achieve enlightenment, we participate in religion and liturgy. We fast and pray. We meditate. We have near death experiences in car accidents. We have cancer and nearly die. We become crippled. We become emotionally depressed. We take drugs. We run marathons, ultra-marathons, iron man triathlons and death marches through deserts. We may sit in solitude for years. We accept various therapies.

We wish for nirvana, for release from this terrible world. We do whatever we need to do to achieve the promised land. And because of this wish, many of us build wonderful and beautiful lives, exemplary and admirable in every way.

Underneath all this, is the grain of sand inside oyster which causes these pearls of lives to be created. The grain of sand hidden in the pearl is the tiny, quiet thought we have a hard time becoming conscious of, “I wish God would love me.”

Jesus loves you. God loves you. We hear this all the time but none of us really believe it (well very few of us). So first, acknowledge that you have this secret wish. Then realize that the second and even more hidden part of the thought is, “but I want to be loved specially.”

God loves us; but not me. God is love. Love does not differentiate between its creations. So God cannot love at an individual level. God loves the Son of God, Whom we are, thoughts of love in the Mind of Love.

So, acknowledging these hidden wishes and admitting that everything I’ve done in life was to earn special love, what next? I stop. I quit. I sit quietly. God loves us. I let the consciousness of that love surface in the quiet of my still mind. That’s all. Let Him in. Sit quietly and let Him in. then do whatever life seems to put in front of you with the power of God already in you; not attempting to earn it.

Now that I’m done scurrying around trying to find love, Love itself walks with me. We run because we love to run. We lift weights because it is part of our time together. I go to work. Let God be in charge; and come home to the holy instant where I am consciously and undeniably a thought of love in the Mind of Love. Nothing more.

God Consciousness

From the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence Race blog
“I learn that I need to be in the heart and stay there…When one does this then the discomforts of running and also the discomforts of life itself remain at a manageable distance…to focus on one’s inner cry. This comes …. only when one recognizes that they indeed have an inner thirst and inner hunger for something higher within oneself. \’For this I am very grateful that I feel this inner hunger, inner cry, or love of God\’…”

It is a good morning to muse on The Beyond, God Himself. A Course in Miracles has given me food. For 8 more days, I will have one thought as part of a review exercise: “My mind holds only what it thinks with God.” A subsidiary review thought for today is: “Let me remember I am one with God.” This morning, as I sat down for my morning text study, I totally got stuck on this one line (17.IV.1): “God established His relationship with you to make you happy…”

The power of ACIM is not to use these thoughts as affirmations and repeat them mindlessly; but to allow them to permeate the ego’s defenses against them (usually numbness) and allow them to be the reality that you are.

I ponder God because I want a God consciousness. I don’t want a reality where God is absent. I don’t want a reality of fear and annoyance towards others. I don’t want a reality where any one relationship has taken over my life and consciousness to the exclusion of God. I allow myself to stop and ponder the implications of a relationship with God. I allow God to permeate me. And then I just go through the day knowing that I am not alone. If I become afraid or angry, I can be assured that my ego has spoken, but I don’t have to believe it’s interpretation of things. I am a thought in the Mind of God. How come I don’t know it? How come I see a world of deprivation instead?

My fitness level is fabulous. I got up at 3:45 this morning. After my spiritual study, I spent 70 minutes on the ex-machines. I have no injury issues from my 42 mile weekend.

Simple Presence

It is enough to simply sit in awareness of The Presence. I don\’t need to ask anything or expect anything or call it anything. I am willing to accept The Presence and enjoy simple awareness.

\”Let me be still and listen to the Truth.\”

I might go to Germany again in September: perfect timing for the Cologne Marathon. I\’m thinking I will try to learn some German this summer.
I am going to Canada tomorrow: to run in the National Capital Marathon and meet tons of Running Maniacs.
I just had a printer emergency: no ink. So I ran up to Office Max a couple of blocks away. For some reason, they were giving out $10 gift cards if you spent $40. No problema, ink is expensive, so I liked $10 off.
Yesterday, I bought a bosso coolo belt to go with the Ultra belt buckle I got at my 80 mile race. I bought it at the Harley Davidson dealer; many years since I\’ve been in one of those places. They had moved and now reside in an old Lexus dealership.
I love being a runner. My goal this weekend is to finish without any injury. I won\’t be in a hurry.

Thoughts of God

My Course in Miracles lesson for the day is: My mind is part of God\’s. I am very holy.

This morning, I read in the ACIM Text (6.II):

  • …the Holy Spirit is in your mind…
  • …the peace of God lies in you…
  • Each of us is the light of the world…

I need to pause and give these thoughts some consideration. How difficult it is to allow my mind to leave its worldly bondage and think of itself as in God.

The major spiritual practice of ACIM is forgiveness; expressed as looking beyond the worldly illusions and seeing everyone as one thought of God. As I think of today\’s lesson, I think it for or in the mind of everyone else. In this way, we are joined in my thoughts and the frightening illusion of the ego world loses its grip.

When I go out into the world, I face others. Relationships are like hot stoves to me. I seem to always get burned, yet I go out each day and attempt to get along. My help is in the thoughts which ACIM gives me and the practice of forgiveness.