Grace

It is 4 days since my foot surgery. I am off the hydrocodone and my brain is functioning normally right now. My body hates hydrocodone. It threw it up yesterday, thank you very much.

A set of wheels makes a huge difference in the life of a one legged person:

Crutches are very difficult, but this little scooter makes many things possible.

I have tremendous access to support staff.

So I am always pondering greater issues of the spirit, wondering if I do indeed have a higher self. I realize I am an ego consciousness; but an ego that wants to be more than an ego. This desire could in itself be egotistical; or it could be a symptom of a true higher call.

During surgery, I was \”gone\” for about 2 hours. My body, while still alive, was completely an object in other peoples realities. Like, no less than 3 anesthesiology staff were pissed at me because I am hard to intubate. The results of their work, in the form of gouges in the back of my mouth, still hurt.

I do not know this world if the body connection is taken away. But, when it was restored, I came back. Am I the brain in the body or a spirit which returns to this body while this body exists? Some of chose on faith to live from the spiritual foundation. I myself find the spiritual foundation inescapable.

It is fitting that I would arrive today at a chapter on Grace in Paul Brunton\’s book \”The Wisdom of the Overself.\” Here are some quotes:
\”What is Grace? It is a descent of the Overself into the underself\’s zone of awareness. It is a visitation of power…the voice of the Overself speaking suddenly out of the cosmic silence….a mystical energy…an active principle….Such is its dynamic potency that it can confer insight into ultimate reality as easily as it can lift a dying person to life again…Grace manifests itself in two ways: first a sense of dissatisfaction and insufficiency with the exterior life alone, second: a yearning for inner reality.\”
\”Psychoanalytical professors are apt to regard what they call the unconscious mind of man as a bottomless well swarming only with shapes of lust and lewdness. They have yet to learn that it holds also an infinite fund of goodness, truth and beauty such as would overwhelm them with its grandeur could they become but momentarily aware of it.\”

My decades long obsession with spiritual matters is fruitful. I used to think it was a failure since I had not achieved that enlightenment described in the books. It has taken a long time to believe that the subtler and frequent awarenesses are true and permanent. I refuse now to de-value the still small voice.

Just as the healing of my foot is going on in a silent cast, so the transformation of my ego is going on in the cocoon of this life.

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Amazing Grace

Look around my one bedroom apartment. Besides the single bed, the study table and the kitchen, all you see is exercise equipment. And, for over a year I\’ve not had much social contact except for work.

I am as of this time in a state of joy. See, I\’ve been set free spiritually. A spiritual program consists of prayer, study, meditation, surrender and inventory. I can clearly point to what I am doing in each of these areas. After I dedicate myself, it is Grace that guides me. I am today totally happy and conscious of that.

I had to start my run at 6 am today as it is very hot outside. I ran 20 miles on a flat path by the river. It was a run filled with prayer. I found myself much at peace as I recited to myself various pieces of my personal spiritual creed.

Having finished my run by 11 am, I had more time this afternoon for spiritual reflection. I seem to feel connected and good. I discussed with the Silence the various things I\’m afraid of or unresolved about. I turned my life over to this higher power. This doesn\’t happen to me that often so I notice when it does.

Now, I have lifted the free weights and am about to go out in the heat for a short walk. It is so incredible to be me.