A New Attitude and Outlook on Life

I have been watching an unusual string of interesting events in my life. Don\’t know what to say about this. I\’d like to fill this blog with spiritual hot air and assure everyone how special I must be to God. All I\’ll say is I do feel somehow in sync with my spiritual self at the moment. And surprisingly, this all seems to add up in my head as: Houston loves me and I should stay here.

A month ago, I applied for a transfer and promotion which would be in Pittsburgh. After a week, I discussed the opportunity with the VP over my current area and got support for helping me. Another week and I was able to discuss the opportunity with my current boss; and he was supportive. I talked to another colleague who is in that area now and got some support. I\’ve sent 3 e-mails to the hiring manager but not been able to get a hold of her. And I\’ve heard nothing. (Except I did get the HR guy to say that the hiring manager had not called anyone for interviews yet).

Meanwhile, I had a wonderful trip to my old convent last weekend along with doing a marathon. Tuesday, I had an extra day off thanks to tropical storm Bill, who left Houston alone.

Wednesday and Thursday I had 2 new positive thinking episodes. I mean, true corrections in the way I think occurred. Sudden reversals from negative hateful thoughts to positive helpful thoughts. This has to be spiritual. On Friday, I had a new way of thinking about AA\’s 12 Promises which just blew me away. Another true thought correction.

Yesterday, I drove over a concrete chunk but nothing bad happened to the car. Today, I sped past a cop sitting in a trap but he didn\’t come after me.

There is a new 24 hour race in Houston in October. An e-mail from the RD was discussing discounts for his various races. I wrote to him and explained my DNS at his race in May and asked for a big discount for the 24 hour race. He wrote back and gave me 30% off.

Yesterday, I was reading one of the many many newsletters my company sends out. They were talking about a new culture team for our new company. Asking for volunteers. The opportunity would require at least 2 trips to Germany. I asked my boss; he approved but had to pass the approval up to the VP because of the travel costs. She approved it within a few minutes; even though she was on vacation. These people didn\’t tell me I couldn\’t go because of my Pittsburgh application. They just approved $20,000 in travel costs without blinking an eye. That is unheard of.

My corrected thinking is producing a new way of looking at the world which seems more than fleeting. I am able to perceive The Universe working with me instead of against me. This new outlook seems truly new to me.

I went for a 3 hour jog walk in the Seabrook trails this morning. The whole time I was thinking about the new 24 hour race, wondering if I would get the discount, wondering if I should stay in Houston. The only problem is: I don\’t know how to \”be\” happy, to \”be\” at perfect peace and ease. I am competitive to the core, ego driven to the max. I don\’t know how to sit back and enjoy. But Houston seems to be saying, \”Stay here. I love you.\”

I guess I have another ultra to train for.


Today was another memorable sweatfest in Brummerhop Park. I got 16.4 miles of slow jog in between 9 am and 1 pm. My shoes were sopping wet I sweat so much. I drank 70 oz of water. When I came home I didn\’t feel well.

But you know? I love it. I like being out there sweating. Yes, it is Houston in August. There is a ton more humidity than I ever even thought about when I was in Missouri. But looking back on it, I realize I relish the hours walking or slow jogging in that heat.

I\’m not the only one out there either.

Nothing much was on my mind. Well, except my upcoming races in Wyoming and Missouri. But, the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence race is over for another year. My anniversaries are over for another year. What is left if the daily focus: study ACIM, silent thought, exercise, AA on the weekends. But, try not to distract from God too much. Realize this world holds no lasting satisfaction. It is the spiritual reality which I cherish.

Growing a Year

I have a persistent notion that if I could just go far enough or long enough or quietly enough, I could find God consciousness.
And so every month and year, I build this chart. The blue is the hours of workout. The red is miles. I have internal measurements which I strive for.

One reason I don\’t taper for races (and consequently hardly ever \”race\”) is that the taper reduces the hours and miles. I\’d rather have 80 hours and 250 miles a month  than a fast race time.

Day by day, slowly but surely, each month is formed, grown and then past. Another month starts.

This exercise is actually pointless. It is just something I like to do. Like endurance runs, who cares but me.

I do not understand life at all. I\’ve sought for spiritual depth. When I was young, I tried to find a husband. I spent most of my career saying I don\’t want to live in Houston. But I really like it here. This week, I spent some time on top of one of our units. I could see miles and miles of chemical plants. I love this sight.

This morning, I wanted to give my feet a break from running on concrete. So I did my workout indoors on my ex-machines. I had a great time. I had ear plugs in my ears and I turned my thoughts to A Course in Miracles. I could shut my eyes some of the time. The Versa Climber is especially a great machine for working the body endlessly.

I don\’t have to find God consciousness. It is quietly there all the time. I just remember it.

Lesson 125

I leave for work at 6 am. My commute is 20 miles of mostly freeway. Houston is a busy place at 6 am. This morning it was extremely foggy. In my little car, in the dark and fog, at 70 mph, surrounded by others doing the same speed or faster, I was thinking about A Course in Miracles.

In fact, the whole point is that if you see things differently, your whole world will be different. If I control my thoughts and decide which one I want to have, then my whole world will be different. The main problem most of us have is with the other people. So I must see them differently in order to be happy. This other vision which sees other people differently overlooks the physical and sees beyond to the truth of that person\’s being. This vision or way of seeing, which doesn\’t use the body\’s eyes, is called \”Forgiveness.\”

I love the Course in Miracles text. It is so full of beautiful words; a treasure trove of new thoughts. Below is Lesson 125 from the work book. It is so comforting to me to embrace it in meditation as well as let it embrace me. It is totally possible for me to be peace while at work.

In quiet I receive God\’s Word today.
Let this day be a day of stillness and of quiet listening. Your Father wills you hear His Word today. He calls to you from deep within your mind where He abides. Hear Him today. No peace is possible until His Word is heard around the world; until your mind, in quiet listening, accepts the message that the world must hear to usher in the quiet time of peace.
This world will change through you. No other means can save it, for God\’s plan is simply this: The Son of God is free to save himself, given the Word of God to be his Guide, forever in his mind and at his side to lead him surely to his Father\’s house by his own will, forever free as God\’s. He is not led by force, but only love. He is not judged, but only sanctified.
In stillness we will hear God\’s Voice today without intrusion of our petty thoughts, without our personal desires, and without all judgment of His holy Word. We will not judge ourselves today, for what we are can not be judged. We stand apart from all the judgments which the world has laid upon the Son of God. It knows him not. Today we will not listen to the world, but wait in silence for the Word of God.
Hear, holy Son of God, your Father speak. His Voice would give to you His holy Word, to spread across the world the tidings of salvation and the holy time of peace. We gather at the throne of God today, the quiet place within the mind where He abides forever, in the holiness that He created and will never leave.
He has not waited until you return your mind to Him to give His Word to you. He has not hid Himself from you, while you have wandered off a little while from Him. He does not cherish the illusions which you hold about yourself. He knows His Son, and wills that he remain as part of Him regardless of his dreams; regardless of his madness that his will is not his own.
Today He speaks to you. His Voice awaits your silence, for His Word can not be heard until your mind is quiet for a while, and meaningless desires have been stilled. Await His Word in quiet. There is peace within you to be called upon today, to help make ready your most holy mind to hear the Voice for its Creator speak.
Three times today, at times most suitable for silence, give ten minutes set apart from listening to the world, and choose instead a gentle listening to the Word of God. He speaks from nearer than your heart to you. His Voice is closer than your hand. His Love is everything you are and that He is; the same as you, and you the same as He.
It is your voice to which you listen as He speaks to you. It is your Word He speaks. It is the Word of freedom and of peace, of unity of will and purpose, with no separation nor division in the single Mind of Father and of Son. In quiet listen to your Self today, and let Him tell you God has never left His Son, and you have never left your Self.
Only be quiet. You will need no rule but this, to let your practicing today lift you above the thinking of the world, and free your vision from the body\’s eyes. Only be still and listen. You will hear the Word in which the Will of God the Son joins in his Father\’s Will, at one with it, with no illusions interposed between the wholly indivisible and true. As every hour passes by today, be still a moment and remind yourself you have a special purpose for this day; in quiet to receive the Word of God.

Houston Reflection

This morning I am in Houston. The picture is from my high rise hotel. I am going to spend the day in meetings and then go back to Kansas City. I read from the ACIM text this morning (15.IX):

“If you would but let the Holy Spirit tell you of the Love of God for you…”

This little snatch of a sentence touched my heart and caused me to pause. I absolutely became conscious of the higher consciousness beyond my little ego. I stopped dead in my tracks and gave my entire attention to the higher. I sat quietly and listened. Trust welled up from inside. I was able to give over all my ego world fears and rest in God. I am safe. I am a thought in the mind of God.

I can live with my consciousness in the ego world, in fear of financial insecurity, illness or emotional upset and in anger at the rest of the stupid people; or I can live conscious of my true Identity in God. I get to choose. If I choose God consciousness, I have to give up all my petty ego thoughts. I have to tear my mind away from pre-occupation with me and my wants and needs. I have to keep it in the silence and listen to the Holy Spirit’s Voice.

My head is full of petty annoyances and judgments. I recognized and brought into the light all the little games and manipulations I want to enact at work in order to ensure my job. I can let these go. I can deny them any importance and return my mind to the peace and silence of the God consciousness. The pettiness is not real. It is my previous choice and now I choose again. I am willing to bring all the pettiness into the light of the Holy Spirit and let it be replaced with what He would have me think.

No exercise this morning. I was up late at dinner with \”the guys.\” My masseuse told me to take a day off anyway. My left ankle woke up ready to bend this morning thanks to the massage. I still can\’t decide whether to enter the Maryville marathon on 6/12.