Grievances

It is an amazing thing, a gift from A Course in Miracles is the knowledge of grievances. And if you do the work book, you will be reminded from time to time to inventory your grievances and let them go. This morning while I was out running, I was repeating a lesson about grievances and then I would notice my small mind go to some thing from the world for which I realized I had a grievance against. I have grievances about almost every part of my past. So then I would wipe the slate clean and turn towards higher consciousness.

Then this evening I moved on to the next lesson: My grievances hide the light of the world in me. The lesson gives instructions on how to see the light in you. I did this. But, strangely I\’ve never realized this before, I clearly heard my small mind say, \”what good is this light?\”

See, real divine light does not provide any emotionally gratifying euphoric experiences. The Light of God is silent and still. When I sit and gaze inward at it, I find the ability to just be quiet and silent. But it is not productive for worldly endeavors. In fact, the practice seems quite useless and maybe not even real; at least according to my ego consciousness.

My silence and solitude and spiritual study is directed towards the purpose of transcending ego consciousness and gaining love based consciousness. Any progress I make could be indirectly applied to worldly living but its main results are not in this world. Lack of proof is the hard part, as I get asked what good my spiritual work is if its results not directly here. I can\’t explain but anyone who has connected with their higher consciousness would know.

I returned again to the light and watched it, sat with it. If I want inner peace, this is truly the where of it.

Ha, my ego hates walking around in the world as an apparently useless individual.

Light

Yesterday, I ran 18.9 miles plus 30 minutes on the elliptical. Today, I worked out for 2.5 hours on machines (treadmill, elliptical and bike) then ran 8.1 miles and lifted free weights, plus situps and crunches. Endurance is my passion. I\’ll admit to a new pain which I can guess comes from too much cross training which I am not used to and a 3 week old pain lingering from my last marathon. I need to be careful as my next marathon, in Canada, is in 4 weeks.

Its my blog, here is an opinion: To drink, even one mind altering sip, is spiritual suicide. Of course, many do not know of their spiritual life, let alone what they are doing to ensure they are dead. One reason I quit going to meetings is the idea of spiritual life. Even the people in AA, supposedly practicing a spiritual program, are unaware of the life of The Spirit in them. They still view recreational or normal drinking as a thing to want to do; not as spiritual suicide.

Last night, I heard a tiny voice within me say, “I feel good.” I think that is the Voice I’ve always wanted to hear; finally, I accorded it my faith. So quiet, so subtle. It takes its time. The ego gets nothing when I give that Voice number one ranking and value.

I have an inner meeting place, where I go to gaze into the light. Nothing more is required or better in this life.

Can you sit in peace and allow the light to be? Can you just look, letting go of all else?

Who is the religious? Who is the alcoholic? Who is the runner? Who is the solitary? Who is the engineer? No one really. Only the light, the subtle, the quiet, is real.

Were you looking for a miracle? The light is it. An altar, a tabernacle, a Tao. The light is it.

Who did you think God was? Or what? Or why? Have you really investigated “Why a God instead of nothing?”

Its difficult to understand, this light. The deepest quiet ever. Always present. Never a noise.

To just be silent, gazing into the light, is an occupation. To do it, to actually do it, is the most amazing thing.

Oh inner eyes. Oh inner universe. Unbearable love and light. From whence I am.

Light is the transcended consciousness I sought for decades. To have looked into this fire is to have become a renunciate. Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow me,” as well as, “…lose your life to save it…” So I have. I have renounced the social and ego world, including its idea of Christianity. Now I find its hard to maintain the uninvolved position. But I am not done following Jesus. He leads into the world of light. I have more renunciation to do. More learning from A Course in Miracles to do. The light is the Son of God, with whom we are one and don\’t know it. The light is the miracle.

The Holy Meeting Place

Prelude: I chose this title because this is where I go in meditation. I want this place to be more real and I want to live it consciously during the day. It is for the presence of God which I have always thirsted and yearned. I continuously grow in awareness, yet then I want more.

A Course in Miracles WB Lesson: I will not be afraid of love today.

A Course in Miracles Text 14.IX:

In the temple, Holiness waits quietly for the return of them that love it.
– The Presence of Holiness lives in everything that lives…
– In this world you can become a spotless mirror, in which the Holiness of your Creator shines forth from you to all around you.
– God will shine upon it of Himself…you need but leave the mirror clean and clear of all the images of hidden darkness you have drawn upon it.

Spirit Flower’s Reflections:

Hence I clean the mirror of my fears, angers, resentments, little fantasies, and desires for anything other than the quiet Presence of Love.

Spirit Flower’s revelation: All fear is a fear of love.

Spirit Flower’s practice: Go inward to the temple (the Holy Meeting Place), clean it of dark thoughts, and then sit with the light, in the light, absorb the light, bring it out with me and set it free. In freedom, light will do its job.

My lesson is not an affirmation. It is a statement to my ego. All day long, my ego offers me fears. I need not believe it. I can respond to it with my statement: I will not be afraid of love today.

I am in the middle of transition. The outward changes are reflections of inward changes. I must allow the inward changes. I seem to have let go control of my perceived universe and allowed God’s ideas to take over. I lay less importance on getting my desires; or when I am afraid of not getting my desires, I talk to Jesus about it. The material world is not of prime importance, but the Holy Meeting Place is. I let go of my ego wants and let Holiness shine through me. The shining results in a world of love. I live in a world of love.

My life is not my own.

I was created by God and I have surrendered my life to God. Hence my focus is not on my wants but on His Guidance.

Love is all there is. It is up to me to see it. It is up to me to admit to myself and God when I don’t see love. God will send a Helper to help me with my perception so I do see love.

Spirit Flower is a spiritual athlete. Daily I do my spiritual work out, spiritual weight lifting, spiritual toning and conditioning. The heart of an athlete continuously wants to stretch the performance envelope. The heart of the spiritual athlete continuously wants to expand the perception and reflection of love.

I want more and more of conscious contact with God in my life. So I go along with His plan. I let Him do what He plans. I have ceased fighting. The world’s most alluring toys (money, power, prestige) are but trinkets. In the community of people, I let the love shine. I take my hands off it and let it do its job.

My life is not my own.