Self Actualization

It is Saturday. I\’m about to head out to the park for a few miles. But first, I was doing my spiritual studies and pondering A Course in Miracles. I am reading a book by Marianne Williamson on that topic and that is where the \”self actualization\” came from; as I need to clarify exactly what I want from the universe.

I\’ve been in conflict my entire life about my career. It has always been just a job and source of money; not something I\’m devoted to. Yet I work amongst people who give every appearance of being devoted to their work. I do hold up my end of the productive output at work but I do it just because I do, not because I love it. And the rest of my life has always been my interest: spiritual studies and endurance athlete.

So, I need time to live my life and I continually protect myself from time at work overtaking the daily training. This tension of time causes a mental conflict. This topic came up in a conversation with my boss this week who notices that I am always protecting my life from work. So now I am afraid of him. Today is the boss\’ Christmas party and I know I would only go in order to please him.

But as I pondered this tension in relation to A Course in Miracles, the thought struck me: either stand in your truth or continue to play games. How powerful. I don\’t think I\’d lose my job over this because I am a productive team member.  Accepting average-ness at work is ok because the vast majority of the engineers stay at the level I\’m at for decades and then retire.

But my line in the sand says something.

I need to choose a path: self actualize as an endurance athlete and ACIM scholar or self actualize as an engineer. I need to stand in my truth and give a clear answer to the universe about it. But I also need to ponder my truth more deeply. It certainly is not framed in form but content; and each day can deliver content regardless of form. What is it I really want?

The conundrum continues. I need to go running now.

Mental Peace

For me, and I think anyone in this world, the mind is always going on in fear and anger and hate against others and \”the way things are\”. Worldly conflict seems real but it is all in my thoughts.

Some go to monasteries or ashrams. I one who has to find a mental technique which trains my mind towards inner peace. Such is A Course in Miracles.

Today\’s mental tool comes from Lesson 104:
Lay aside the conflicts of the world.
Clear a holy place within my mind.
God\’s gifts of joy and peace are all I want.
I seek but what belongs to me in truth.

My mental conflict consists of this (in relationship to the boss\’s christmas party): I hate parties, I hate being around alcohol, I hate being around food I don\’t want to eat, I get up early to train and I\’m too tired to go out at night, I don\’t want to be rude when I leave after an hour, I\’d only go to kiss the boss\’s axx, etc… And, I don\’t want other people poking insults at me because of my chosen life style.

But all of these thoughts are just in my mind. None of it is real. Going or not going doesn\’t matter. What matters is what I allow in my mind. So, I return my thoughts to the lesson, today\’s mental tool. And I calm down. I remember I am spirit. I ask the Holy Spirit for help.

This morning, I ran outside. I don\’t do that during the week since there is only concrete for a surface. But I did it today. It was a wonderful run. I got in the way of the paper thrower for a short stretch and had papers trown around me. I almost had a collision with a bicycle I didn\’t see. But, it was a joy to be outside running and training my mind with the Holy Spirit\’s help.

I am reading a ACIM related book by Marianne Williamson. It is a very easy read and gives me a place to lean.