The Stream of Consciousness

For the last 30 years of my life, I sat and watched a bush outside the kitchen window. Not a single bucket list item was accomplished. No turmoil was created.

I was aware of time. It steadily passed. The sand steadily fell through the hourglass.

Did I waste my life because I didn’t “do” anything? Is that the core fear of the modern person? I am guilty of not doing.

My liturgy was watching the birds, or watching the leaves, or watching the snow melt. In this, I saw The Universe. We watched together.

The Stream of Consciousness flows steadily through me. The stream of Consciousness flows slowly, nearly imperceptible through the silence of my being. The stream is vast and so is my heart. The rocks don’t matter at all. My breathing, in and out, is the great bellows causing The Universe to slowly turn.

This is what is necessary in life: breathing.

Photo by James Wheeler on

Ultra Spirit – #268 Nourishment

#268 Nourishment
As an addict, stop for a moment and think of nourishment. Nourish is a lovely word. Maybe it is time to yearn, to long for nourishment of body, mind and spirit. Not another bag of chips or another TV program or church. Over fed on society\’s food, we are starving.
Feel what it would be like to have an infusion of super food to body, mind and spirit. It comes from within. Feel it filling you
Right now, take down your belief barriers. Stop dis-sing yourself. Feel an infusion of goodness, of inner nourishment coming from the boundary of creative light, new energy just for you.

Car Wash Meditation

Today is my Friday off. It has been awesome so far. I got up at 5 and did my spiritual study. Then at 6 I went across the street to Brummerhop park and started jogging laps. I got in 25 laps and was wondering if I should stop when I noticed the AC guy\’s van drive by. Well that settled that question. I ran home since I had scheduled the AC guy to come and give the AC a summer check-out. After he left, I had some food then went outside to wash the car.

I have not for decades done a hand wash on my own car. I was either taking it to a commercial spray wash or to a Mexican staffed hand car wash. But, a week ago, I had wandered into Home Depot and wandered out with a bucket, soap, hose, spray nozzle and a large stack of micro-fiber towels. Gulp. A new project for me.

Next, I had to wait for a day when I could wash the car in the morning when my driveway would be shady. Trying to wash a black car under the Texas sun is futile. The soap dries in seconds. So today, being home, I had time to try my new project.

Unwrap and uncoil the new hose. Read the instructions on the soap. Fill the bucket. Wet the car. Ready Freddie, to work I go. I found it quite soothing to dip and scrub, dip and scrub. I could feel areas that needed scrubbing. I could see a spot that needed some work. Quietly, quietly.

Then even more meditative was the hand dry. Grab a towel, wipe,wipe,wipe. Toss towel aside. Grab a towel, wipe, wipe, wipe. Toss towel aside. Quietly, quietly, At the end, I could still go around the car with one damp towel and one dry one and remove all streaks of water marks. Wow! The car looks great. The car is black and very shiny. It looks much better if you hand dry it.

For a brief moment, drying the car, I realized that I had my spiritual connection; that tiny knowing entered my consciousness. I knew. Doing this simple task is as good as running miles or sitting hours.

Now the towels are in the wash. The hose is rolled up. A few drops of rain are falling outside, but the car is safely in the garage.

Do other people think about their spiritual connection? I don\’t know. I am glad I keep Spirit in my frontal buffer memory. It is handy to quickly access. It is my joy.

Choose the Spark of Beauty


This morning, I was studying chapter 17.IV in A Course in Miracles text. Here is the part that inspired me: \”Let Him [Holy Spirit] uncover the spark of beauty in your relationships, and show it to you…It is still up to you to choose to join with truth or with illusion. But remember that to choose one is to let the other go. Which one you choose you will endow you with beauty and reality, because the choice depends on which you value more…the spark of beauty or the veil of ugliness…\”

I thought about how I didn\’t hate my boss this week and how many people texted me on my anniversary. I decided to allow the love that had been present; which is to choose the spark of beauty I had been shown.

After this, did I become insane? Here\’s my story.

Earlier this week, I got an e-mail about a new 24 hour event in Houston in December. (I went in a 50k there last year). So, I would really like to walk 24 hours. And my new shoe design might allow for a \”Kinhin\” Zen walk for 24 hours. I\’m after the meditation side, not the distance side mind you. I mentioned it to a guy at work. He said he\’d be happy to hand me cups of water and drive my butt home. (Transportation could be an issue after being up all night.)

This morning was my usual Saturday struggle to get out of bed. The only reason to get up early is to run before temps rise above 90F. As a walker however, it doesn\’t really matter. So I slept until 7. Then, I did my spiritual study, prayed about the December 24 hour run. I heard rumbles outside, but I decided to go for a short walk in El Lago and test the shoe.

The first 50 feet out the door, I\’m thinking I\’ll drop down to the half marathon for the Nebraska race in 3 weeks. See, the modified shoe won\’t work in Nebraska on a hilly dirt course. Depressing.

50 feet later, another thought shot across my mind. Well, you could go to St Louis since you are already entered in that 12 hour run.

I shook my fist at the sky. \”G-d dammit, that is the exact opposite thought from what I wanted!\”

During the first mile of my walk in El Lago, I saw the faint trace of a rainbow. An omen? Was God speaking? It poured on me twice during the first 2 hours; but since this is Houston in August, it is always at least 80F. If you get wet, no big deal.

I thought about the 12 hour race in St Louis. It makes a ton of sense. Before dreaming of a 24 hour race, why not see how 12 hours go? And the course in Fenton (St Louis) is perfect for my shoe. The driving is about the same as if I went to Nebraska. I already know some people who will be walking in Fenton. No time pressure for a 12 hour time period. It fits the scope of meditative walking (not racing).

So, crap. I think I\’ll go to Fenton.

Today, I walked 4 hours in my shoe. I came home once to modify it and finally stopped at 4 hours cuz I needed to modify again and I realized that the thicker sock was tearing up one of my little toes. Fang (one of the heel spurs) was quiet today. The only problem was the back of the shoe heel wasn\’t short enough and kept banging into the bottom of my heel and hurting it (4 hours of that really was enough). So, I have 3 weeks to get the shoe right. I don\’t even have to decide for sure until that week so I can shift my hotels around. But, I think Fenton will be much better for me.

I\’ll try again with the shoe tomorrow.


It is an amazing thing, a gift from A Course in Miracles is the knowledge of grievances. And if you do the work book, you will be reminded from time to time to inventory your grievances and let them go. This morning while I was out running, I was repeating a lesson about grievances and then I would notice my small mind go to some thing from the world for which I realized I had a grievance against. I have grievances about almost every part of my past. So then I would wipe the slate clean and turn towards higher consciousness.

Then this evening I moved on to the next lesson: My grievances hide the light of the world in me. The lesson gives instructions on how to see the light in you. I did this. But, strangely I\’ve never realized this before, I clearly heard my small mind say, \”what good is this light?\”

See, real divine light does not provide any emotionally gratifying euphoric experiences. The Light of God is silent and still. When I sit and gaze inward at it, I find the ability to just be quiet and silent. But it is not productive for worldly endeavors. In fact, the practice seems quite useless and maybe not even real; at least according to my ego consciousness.

My silence and solitude and spiritual study is directed towards the purpose of transcending ego consciousness and gaining love based consciousness. Any progress I make could be indirectly applied to worldly living but its main results are not in this world. Lack of proof is the hard part, as I get asked what good my spiritual work is if its results not directly here. I can\’t explain but anyone who has connected with their higher consciousness would know.

I returned again to the light and watched it, sat with it. If I want inner peace, this is truly the where of it.

Ha, my ego hates walking around in the world as an apparently useless individual.

The Candle and the Heartbeat

I can sit quietly, eyes closed and look inside: I see a candle burning. I listen to my heart beat. This take my mind off the world and roaming around.

Or also, I can imagine I am sitting in the mouth of a desert cave and watch the moon.

Using my ex-bike or nordic track, I shut my eyes and listen to my breathing.

I live in a very unnatural world. I work in a chemical plant, drive back and forth, and never come out of my apartment while at home. I come out to run in the early morning darkness. Otherwise, I pretty much hate being outside in Missouri.

Running Meditation

Paul Brunton, book 4: Meditation is really the mind thinking of the Soul.

Michael Shermer, The Believing Brain: I do not know if there is no God, but I do not believe in God, and have good reasons to think that the concept of God is socially and psychologically constructed.

What\’s really in the depths of my heart? Nothing really. That\’s the truth that touches me so deeply.

When ever I exercise, I feel my psyche extending into eternity, into the depths of silence. Today, I went for a wonderful 4h30 min run. It was partly in the dark hour before dawn, and partly in a forest. I loved just jogging along. It was for this private bliss that I did not go to any 50k race last night. As I was quietly just doing my thing this morning, I realize that part of the good was that no one was standing around either counting laps or timing me. I was free to just jog as much as I felt like and then stop. There was no one to judge me. I hope that\’s what heaven is like.

Re-wiring the Brain

It seems so incredibly easy, I don\’t know why I didn\’t think of it earlier (or read it in someone\’s book). I did this on a body worn out from running 5 hours on hills in the current 90+F heat. I think exhaustion is what made my body so comfortable on the operating table (haha, my bed).

First, I took a nap. Waking up from the nap, I didn\’t feel my body as I moved not a muscle, just started meditating. I was meditating as per usual saying, \”my soul….my soul.\” Then I thought, \”Want to rewire your brain? Just use your mouse.\” And so I imagined using a mouse to pick up one end of a synapse and drop it somewhere else.\” It was cool.

I have beliefs which I know are not true; yet they still affect me emotionally. Being a mindful person, I see when these wrong beliefs are active, but I can\’t help myself feeling their emotions of fear and self denigration. So, I can now re-connect the synapse on-the-spot (don\’t need a special environment, just do it).

Meditation Result

I got quiet. I approached my inner silence in a questioning mood. Immediately, a thought:

I am not done with silence; or the re-making of my physical body.

I will continue to run laps and lift weights; as a prisoner does while he waits for release.

I think the only way \”love\” crosses my mind is if I do it. But really, Love reminds me of Itself; and Silence is not done with me.

The ultra-runner contemplative has entered a half marathon this Saturday. I have lost 3 pounds in a week on The Zone diet. Its time now for my evening workout.

Quiet and Miracles

From the Course in Miracles Text 28.I:
\”The miracle comes quietly into the mind that stops an instant and is still. It reaches gently from that quiet time, and from the mind it healed in quiet then, to other minds to share its quietness. And they will join in doing nothing to prevent its radiant extension back into the Mind Which caused all minds to be. Born out of sharing, there can be no pause in time to cause the miracle delay in hastening to all unquiet minds, and bringing them an instant\’s stillness, when the memory of God returns to them. Their own remembering is quiet now, and what has come to take its place will not be wholly unremembered afterwards.\”

Nothing more need be said I suppose. I spend time with a quiet mind. I intend to be in quiet as much as possible for life. I believe that if I am just quiet in my thoughts then two things happen: a) I stop projecting ego nightmares of fear and hatred on the world, and b) the Holy Spirit has access to my mind to use it for healing all minds. I just need to let go. No, I don\’t think I\’ll get Alzheimer\’s disease because I didn\’t keep my brain active. No, I don\’t fear all the other tales of old age diminishment. I believe in God.

It is hard to describe how satisfying it is to sit with a quiet mind.

This morning, I worked out on the machines for 30 minutes and the ran 52 minutes on the hills. this evening, I skipped my evening exercise and sat in silence.