Multi-days of Time – 1

After work today, I have 5 days off. Nothing planned.

Usually, I go to races if I have time off. But, hotels near the race in New Orleans are going to $200 a night; so I became unmotivated. I could go to San Antonio, but I\’d have to start by myself at 4 in the morning in order to survive a sun filled course. And for what? Just to say I finished another marathon? 

I had originally thought I might try to do a Private Hundred Mile Run. But it is hot this week on the Gulf Coast; not the usual cloudiness, which helps alot with the heat. And I\’m not in the mood to prove any thing to any one. Or say I did this or that. I know I will work out a bunch, but there is no measurements associated. And if I feel like sitting on a cushion with my eyes closed instead of exercising, I will.

What I know is I do love going. If I go outside, it won\’t be very fast. But strapping water on my back and just walking around is fine with me. I just don\’t want to measure it.

Tolle\’s \”The Power of Now\” will journey with me. A Course in Miracles will journey with me. Some fiction will journey with me.

Blessings of peace. Spiritual insight. These are wonderful gifts. I will have additional space for silence this week.

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7 Day Race Update Thread

I officially stopped racing on the 7th day with a tiny bit over 200 miles. Below log is in reverse order, last day to first. I made myself an award for my wall:

Thursday day 7 6:30 pm-

Yay!!!!

I just spent 2h15 min on the treadmill to finish my 200 miles in 7 days. I nearly cried when I looked down at the fitbit and saw it was at 27. 08 miles and I knew I just had one mile to go.

I decided to finish off the 200 miles today because I am training my mind to get out there and finish the miles by some deadline. Of course, to get and 200 miles buckle, I have 3 more days. But it means something to me to get it in 7 days.

Today was alot of hard work. I can\’t believe I did it.

This virtual race was excellent for motivating me to do more than I would have without it.

Total time spent actually running: 47.9 hours. Daily average: 6.8 hours.

Thursday day 7 11 am-

I don\’t know if I slept at all last night. I have no idea why. But, when the alarm went off at 5:30, I easily got up. I made it to Meador park by 6:45. I had a wonderful two hours going down to Pine Gully and Wildlife parks. It was beautiful and very nice with a few clouds. I got to see the men from the city working on the new bridge. We are getting an extension to our trail which looks like it will be really nice.

Then it was hot. I really struggled the last of 4h17 min / 18 mile run. If my goal is to drink my dregs, scrape bottom, today I was there. Yet I kept playing this game with my Fitbit. I\’d look at it, then decide, one more lap. It was dreadful. But it got me to 18. Only 9.5 miles to go to get to 200 miles. If I was at a real race, I\’d make sure to get it done by midnight when the 7 days end. In this case, I still have 3 more days to get my buckle. I will do more today, but if I go for 9 miles, it is for my inner being.

I need to do something Saturday morning, but I am sure more miles will occur tomorrow and Sunday. I just won\’t be killing myself.

Wednesday day 6, 8 pm-

It turns out I have a goal: 200 miles. So, I continue to be obsessed by miles. So I went for another 85 minute walk this evening. It was quite pleasant. Low humidity, only 68%.

I think I\’ll set an alarm for the morning. Only 28 more miles. Sounds like a snap, but my will power is waning.

Wednesday 3 pm-

Well I am totally amazed. Is it the heat gear shirt? I don\’t know. I started my jog at 9:45 am. Not a cloud in the Texas sky, and none showed up during my 4h21 min / 18 mile jog.

Wait, I stayed outside in the heat and humidity jogging for 4 hours?

Yup.

I can get to 200 miles for this race. That would be awesome. I\’ve not ever trained that many miles before. My foot has been doing pretty well. The toe nails did ok today. I like the Clif electrolyte drink the best of what I\’ve tried so far. I like its bite.

I used a tiny loop in some trees today. I got to see millions of tiny crabs in the bayou.

On the introspective side of things. I\’ve settled a question about \”true identity\”, my life as a renunciate, what path I choose as my ethos. None of these ideas are changes. When I say settled, I mean at peace with who I am.

Wednesday 9 am-

I slept damn good last night and did not set the alarm today. This morning, I find myself wanting to go outside and walk around and I think I will, slowly. I looked at the Mountain Challenge website. Second place is a few miles behind me. I find myself not wanting to take up a challenge to stay in first. Part of my ego wants to. I Myself don\’t want to. I can\’t let winning corrupt my purity of miles.

In the real world, I\’d just be called a loser. So I say these things here, not on the Mountain Challenge website. In that world, I\’m supposed to try harder. But really, I just want to do my miles in peace.

Yesterday, I went to The Academy and got another heat gear shirt and some Clif sports drink. It dissolves completely so I am happy to put it in my hydro-pak. The Succeed Clip-2 and the Heed were not dissolving. Gatorade G2 dissolves but it is not on the shelves here in Texas.

Last night, I unwrapped my big toes and let the blisters dry out. I wrapped them up again this morning. They should be ok in the special shoes.

Out into the heat I go. Don\’t know how long I\’ll last.

Tuesday July 8 8 pm-

Don\’t know what is wrong with me. But, I felt good this afternoon evening. I started with 70 min on the treadmill and then walked outside for another hour. I could get 200 miles in the 10 day race. Wouldn\’t that be something!

Tuesday July 8 11:30 am-

Ultra Monk\’s Little Way. Don\’t know why I suddenly think of that. Therese of Liseux had a little way; and she became a Doctor of the Church. I won\’t be becoming anyone but myself. Or perhaps I am being myself already.

I haven\’t had 10 days off work where I was healthy in almost 5 years. In 2009, I was laid off all summer so I got to run in the morning and walk in the afternoon every day for about 6 weeks. Now, this 10 days off work, I am doing it again. It is amazing considering my heel spur surgery last September and the ensuing 6 weeks on crutches and then months of pain as the foot got back together.

It hurts now. More like the heel gets bothered by the shoe since it is a different type of roundness as well as a bit of hardware. But, doing my slow walk/ jog, I don\’t stress it out too much and I can keep going.

Speaking of going, my little way is just like this: get up early and complete spiritual study and meditation. Get to the park and do miles. Come home and shower, eat, rest on the bed. Do more miles in the afternoon. Do additional spiritual study and go to bed.

I noticed today that my mind was stuck on a part of my personal litany. That is, I quit noticing how fast or how far and just jogged along thinking one spiritual phrase over and over. This is the jumping off place I seek. At this point, I\’m not really in this world.

That I got up at all today is a miracle. When the alarm went off at 4:40, I would have rolled over but I needed to pee. After that, it was easier to decide, \”I\’ll go downstairs and make tea and just do spiritual study.\” But after a good study period, I was suddenly moving around the kitchen, getting my drinks ready.

I made it to Meador Park by 6 am. It was very nice that early. I jogged north to Pine Gully and back. Then just went around Meador park after the sun got up.

To get to Pine Gully on the trail, we run along this boardwalk to cross the bayou. This morning, I saw lots of sea birds.

I know of course that what I am doing with this 7 or 10 day race is completely different than going to a race with a bunch of other people and completing a set distance, like 100 miles, all in one shot. And sure, I\’d do lots of miles whether I was entered in a race or not. I\’m watching to see what the external influence of the virtual race is doing to my internal drive. I don\’t think I\’ll ever do 100 miles straight through. But I\’ll continue to do multi-days. I am more interested in doing something every day rather than accomplishing one big thing and then doing nothing.

Monday July 7, 4 pm-

Having finished 103 miles yesterday, way ahead of where I thought I\’d be, I slept in today. It was supposed to be a rest day. But after an extended time of spiritual study, laundry and cooking beans, I felt good so jumped on the treadmill for 90 minutes/ 6.5 miles. That went really well.

Then I decided to try a new thing. That is, I have a new \”heat gear\” shirt from UnderArmor. The shirt is very tight so it absorbs sweat, then the breeze cools you off. And the shirt keeps the sun off your skin, so it is like wearing shade. I decided to put it on and go over to pine Gully park. This park has half trees and half sun, but it is right on Galveston Bay so it is always windy. And the clouds might come up sooner at that location.

Well, the shirt worked great. I felt really good despite the sun being out. I was there 2h39min, 11.06 miles. Then I went to the grocery store. There is chocolate in the house. But right now I am eating for the first time today. The shirt is in the Woolite in case I want to try it again tomorrow. Today was supposed to be a short day, but I have over 18 miles.

I\’ve learned that I love Red Bull and grapefruit juice much more that other drinks I\’ve used in the past.

Total for the race is now at 122 miles. I feel fine except for toe nails. I might just continue with \”easy\” days for the next 6 days

I\’ve been very lucky to figure out the weather here; or at least how to get along with it. I am still amazed that I am doing so well. I never do this well at a real race. I think it is because my body needs to re-group every few hours and this can\’t be done away from home. I always feel better after laying on the bed a couple of hours; and if i am at home, it is easy to get going again. At an \”away\” race, I\’m likely 100 miles up the road.

Sunday July 6, 6:35 pm-

Ha. I felt good this afternoon so I went for another 7.27 mile walk. I am at 103.78 for 3 days. Legs haven\’t felt that tired in years.

Sunday July 6, 2:40 pm-

Perhaps I was suffering from heat sickness earlier. But after lying on the bed a couple of hours, and allowing the nerve pains to work out, I have arisen. I am wearing a special pair of shoes and considering walking.

Sunday July 6-

The alarm went off 7 minutes earlier than yesterday. And I needed that extra time to decide to get up. But I did get up and was downstairs at 4 am. I did a little Course in Miracles study. I suddenly understood \”accepting Atonement for myself.\”

By 4:48, exactly the same time as yesterday, I went jogging in El Lago. That went well and I finished in exactly the same time as yesterday (6+ miles and 78 minutes). Then disaster, like slowly falling off a cliff.

I got to Brummerhop by 6:20. I had put on mosquito spray today, but darned if they weren\’t very hungry this morning. And God it was humid. Not a cloud in the sky, at least over me, the sun was out from 7:20 onward to about 10:30. There were some thunderstorms over the lake about 1/2 mile away, but the clouds didn\’t reach me until, maddeningly, I was ready to leave. The sun had done its damage by the time the clouds came. The clouds didn\’t stay either. It is still freaking sunny out there.

I was very tired and cranky today. Nothing horrible wrong, just exhausted and hot. Carrying the 2L hydropak was a chore. After I came home, I found that another toenail has bit the dust. A short day; 41 laps of Brummerhop, giving me a total of 23.9 miles this morning. Too much heat and humidity.

I found what I am made of. It takes 3 days and 90 miles to drink my dregs. My dregs are ego. I want to drink the dregs because under the ego is Essence.

Today\’s mantra is for ACIM students: I accept Atonement for myself. I do not support his dreams of fear. We are but the Living Thoughts of Love.

When Jesus said, \”My god, my god, why have you forsaken me,\” that was his ego dying. When he said, \”Into Your hands I commend my spirit,\” that was Essence knowing it was alive. Life cannot die. Running was never \”for\” anything. I do it for myself. It is beyond exercise. It is a tool for discovery of my soul. May I rest in peace.

This is a 7 day race. I don\’t know if more will happen today. I have 2 toes taped. Another hole will be cut in the shoe for toe number 2. An easy walk this eveing would get me the 100 miles in 3 days. We\’ll see how I feel. Miles will happen tomorrow. But I might not set the alarm clock.

I\’m actually pretty freaking proud of what I\’ve done so far. By myself I wouldn\’t do it; but the extra little push of a virtual race got me going. I\’m surprised at how well the heel that had surgery is doing.  All praise for Nimbus 16s.

Saturday July 5 pm-

It is cloudy here so the temps were very reasonable. I felt good by 4:30 so I taped up my toe, cut a hole in the brand new Nimbus and went for a 7 mile walk.

I don\’t know if it will happen or not, but I could get 100 miles tomorrow. A whole day early. No promises. It proves however the fact that I do try harder if it has some reason. I don\’t think I\’d have tried for 100 miles in 3 days without the challenge.

Saturday July 5-

I did not get up in the middle of the night today. But I did make it out of bed at 4 am. About 4:50, after a short meditation, I went jogging in El Lago. I was surprised that my feet and shoes felt really good. I was doing all jogging but low impact; just under 14 min miles. After 6+ miles, I came home for a pit stop. Then gathered up the Nathan and the cooler and went over to Brummerhop park. I did really well there. It is hotter today than yesterday. When I quit, it was 103F humidex. I had full sunshine by 9:30. I stuck it out until 11:30. I ended the day with 27.87 miles. That is amazing.

Except for one toe nail, I don\’t have much wrong other than fatigue. Dealing with the heat is dreadful. I will say that as today wore on, I started to reach the reason for this endeavor: The Secret of Endurance. It takes many mile to get me to this point. It is the point of survival, the end of the body\’s resources. I struggle with this point in every race I go in. The point where I think I am going to die so I quit. I want to grapple with this state.

The game I play with this 7 day endeavor is utter nonsense. I am doing miles and pushing myself literally for no external benefit. Actually, it is an external deficit. But only after hours and miles do I get to drink my dregs. I want to drink my dregs.

Hardly anyone was in the park today. The wienie-man who doesn\’t cleanup after his dog didn\’t come; so no new dog piles.

I\’m past halfway on getting 100 miles; 64.39 miles. I have given myself permission to do nothing else today. I said that yesterday too, however, and walked another 5 miles in the evening. I have one big toenail that got hammered today. I see that I\’ll need to carve a hole in the shoes as well as tape up the toe.

Friday pm July 4– About 6 pm, I felt spunky again so I went out to do more walking:

Friday, July 4-
My cell phone awakened me at 11:45pm on Thursday. I came immediately downstairs and put on my shoes. Then waited for 12:01. I checked my fitbit and it said zero. So, I clipped it on and walked on the treadmill for 3.8 miles / one hour. Then I went back to bed.

I was dead asleep at 3:55am when the alarm went off. I failed to get up! I snoozed for 20 minutes and then made it up. After a brief meditation, I went outside to El Lago and jogged for an hour / ending with 8.81 miles on the fitbit. Then, I had a pit stop at home, gathered up the Nathan and a small cooler. By 6:20am, I was doing laps in Brummerhop park.

My foot was very fussy at first. I had to change insoles 3 times until I got one that didn\’t hurt. Then I remembered that my foot already had 9 miles on it so a bit of fussiness is to be expected. It reminded me that my foot will stand a certain number of miles each day; but not as many as my brain seems to want to go.

I did 52 laps of Brummerhop. What goes on there? People walk their dogs. I know exactly who didn\’t clean up after their dog. I asked the one elderly man about what looks like an abscess on his dog. It is a sad story but the vet cannot fix it. Guys play basketball. Other runners breeze through. A wild looking young man pushes a stroller through. Brummerhop is very small, but it is one of the few places with dirt paths and many trees. So running can be done. Here\’s how the front of it looks.

It is hard to see, but the post above the doggie dumpster has two bags hanging on it. Besides the Nathan on my back, I brought a small cooler and a bag with insoles and hats. In the cooler I had ice cold Red Bull, Starbucks latte, grapefruit juice, lemonade and 2 apples. I drank all that plus 3 gels and one fruit bar. I still lost weight due to sweating.

Houston is hot all the time, but for Houston, I would have called today tolerable. I stayed outside until almost noon. I didn\’t have any heat problems. But there had been a completely blue sky for the last hour and it was getting hot.

Today, I was walking a little over 7 hours and got 30+ miles so far. My legs do feel that. I don\’t know that much more will happen today. I still have 6 more race days. I think 100 miles will be reached quite fast; but I need to keep from going into too much foot pain. Or the race is over. I actually didn\’t think I\’d stay outside until almost noon. Usually, I get too hot before 10.

Here is a screen shot of my race statistics so far:

1/3 of the way there almost. But I will keep putting up miles for the whole race. I don\’t think I\’ll get as far tomorrow.

7-day Prelude

Tonight, at 12:01 (Friday), I\’ll start walking on my treadmill. I know that is a very unlikely start to a 7-day race. I prefer to stay inside in the middle of the night; but that is when the clock starts ticking. I want to honor my commitment and start when the clock does. So the treadmill it is.  Then, I\’ll take a nap. Then I\’ll get back up in time to jog in El Lago for an hour. Then, I\’ll come home for a pit stop and head over to the park with my Nathan for as many hours as I can stand. Then, an afternoon snooze. Then more and more walking until I get to 100 miles and then 7 days. Hope I can do it.

My life has been about a desire to know God. Running got mixed into the God quest when I read about the Sri Chinmoy 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race (google it). It was a life changing mile stone. Other mile stones were: the trip to Israel when I was 22; sobriety at the age of 26; Zen meditation at the age of 38; 4 years of monastic life, getting out when I was 45; several years attempting to achieve enlightenment through fasting, meditation, prayer, running; then moving to Texas.

Just 2 days ago, a small mile stone which could be course changing. I read for the first time a paper discussing how \”enlightenment\” breeds dualism, hierarchalism, egoism in its own right. I\’ve not heard someone speak of these aspects in relation to the sacrosanct \”enlightenment\” which I had been chasing for years. At least up until a year or two ago when I decided that enlightenment was a dopamine reward experience for most people.

I have continued to read other people\’s writings about God and Christianity and philosophy. I have continued to be a student of A Course in Miracles. I grow in gratitude that \”Spirit\” continues to teach me the fallacies of religion and enlightenment. I might just die happy because I continued to lose delusions.

Jesus said, \”my god my god, why have you foresaken me.\” Not, \”My Creator, why have you foresaken me.\” Not \”The Good, why have you foresaken me?\” Not \”My Father, why have you foresaken me?\” I am the first in history to make this distinction. Jesus was talking to the lying ego, the tiny mad idea, which left at the moment of death. True, I don\’t need to die. I don\’t need \”enlightenment\”. I just need to live.

I am however a renunciate. I can\’t go back on that. When I came popping unexpectedly out of the convent, I didn\’t want a great deal of what society has. I don\’t want the food, the alcohol, the sports hype, the entertainment, the religion, the politics, the gadgets, the clothes, and many other aspects. I don\’t participate. I have convictions about these things. I recoil from them.

Returning to my 7-day race, my running is totally selfish; but also an inward journey. It is true that Houston heat, sweating and walking, causes my ego to shut up. In a perverse way, I like sweating. Since I am on my own, me and my thoughts, walking to nowhere, I can only turn inward. This walking activity, however, is totally futile in a spiritual sense; except every time I quit doing miles and go inside like a sensible person, my ego\’s grandiose dreams die. Humanity wins. I go back to being just a person who needs to eat and sleep and gets blisters and has pains in the foot. A 7-day race by myself is a futile effort. Nothing to brag about. Just something I want to do because I like the park and I like the freedom of doing miles with nothing but a Nathan hydro-pak and a couple of energy bars.

Can\’t Wait for Miles

It is Tuesday morning. I went for a fantastic jog at 5 am. It was of course warm and sweaty as Houston is this time of year. I felt great.

Starting Friday at 12:00am, I begin a 7 day race. It is a virtual race, using my fitbit synced to Matchio. Others are in the race and if I get 100 miles, I\’ll get a belt buckle. For the first time in years, I have 10 days off work; without needing surgery to get it. I am healthy. I love it. Time to sweat. Time for miles. My own bed. Showers and toilets.

Shopping list this week tells the story: Gatorade G2, grapefruit juice, lemonade, Coke, Red Bull, Starbucks, 5 Hour Energy…  I think I\’m planning on being thirsty.

I don\’t care that it is a \”virtual\” race. I\’m happy to go without the hours of travel, hotels, cost of airplanes and rental cars. I know I will do what I can. If someone else isn\’t, I don\’t care. It is me and my body and the heat. No special race course. No roots or rocks or mountains. In fact, some of the miles in the middle of the night or the middle of the afternoon will be done on a treadmill. Some of the laps might be done back and forth on my street since it is a gated village.

I\’ve been fascinated by multi-days for several years. I\’ve done my own private multi-days before. traveling to a race really does take alot out of me; although the cameraderie on the course is tremendous. Into the future, I see less of my own entries into public races as I attempt to live in a budget. I don\’t really like what I see for-profit race directors doing.

I accept inner swag.

Its just miles.

Endless Spiritual Miles

It is 2 1/2 weeks since Calgary Marathon. I really did a good job of preparing for 26.2 miles, hoping to finish in less than 6 hours. Compared to the utterly flat landscape of south Houston, Calgary is hilly and altitude. I did well with that part. My foot which had surgery last September did well too. I am happy with my trip. My Canadian peeps were awesome. Even United Airlines did a great job.

Now, time for a hot humid summer on the Gulf coast. My next race is a virtual 7 day race July 4- 10. The race is linked to my fitbit and I get a buckle for 100 miles. I am going to take it seriously. I like to be at home where I can feed myself, shower, sleep in a bed and the course is right by my home. No adventure at all, just miles.

I\’ve been reading a book called History of God by Karen Armstrong. It is incredibly interesting to learn where Christian sects get their dogma. Ms Armstrong gave the first explanation of the Trinity I\’ve ever understood. The meaning of Jesus is really quite different than churches teach. Christianity as practiced denominationally in the US is what I will now call Pauline. Consider, vast amounts of people practicing some religion mainly bastardized from letters not all written by a man who had a delusional experience but never knew Jesus and argued with James and Peter and eventually separated himself.

The adventure of the Sermon on the Mount is totally lost to denominational Pauline Christianity. That religion is for the masses of people who want to belong and feel safe.

I like more and more that since leaving the monastery nearly 11 years ago, I have done my research and stood up for my convictions. I\’ll accept anyone\’s personal experience of the Spirit of Christ; but not religion. Daily I do spiritual miles. These miles add up. I am grateful for them.

I am 55 years old. I thought I was post menopause, which I am. But I am just learning that hormone induced emotions continue on since now I am missing what I used to have. Yesterday, I discerned that my black cloud of more than a year ago had come back a few weeks ago. When I realized how that was exactly how I felt (seeing the world thru a red haze of hate for no reason), I mentioned it to a female colleague. She told me about a natural supplement she used. Now, I am trying it. I don\’t want the cloud. It is incredibly difficult to find a MD that will give you more than 20 seconds and no prescription unless you are hysterical. So, I go the way of hearsay. Other women will talk about what works for them.

Its not for Everyone

This week, I got in 62 miles, and about 17 total hours of workout. Saturday was my first 22 mile jog/walk in about 8 months. I was glad to get it done because I am concerned about the Calgary Marathon coming up June 1st. I think I\’ll be able to get that done.

But my mind is very endurance oriented. I still want to accomplish a multi-day event. I lay in bed and think about doing laps. I wish I could just go and go. Well, I still have some heel issues to work out. I know that any multi-day event I do will be slow. I\’m fine with slow. I need to prevent toe nail losses and figure out how to stay in the game for more than 16 hours.

What is not for everybody? Virtual events. I signed up for a 7 day virtual race. It is linked to my fitbit, and I get a buckle if I do 100 miles. This would be my second virtual event. I find that I do hold myself to higher standard than I would otherwise when I am even slightly accountable. The virtual event does push me. In my case, it is a test to see how long it takes me to get to 100 miles. I\’m hoping I can do it in 4 days.

This is leading up to a real race in December. It is also mind training. My mind needs as much work as my feet to accomplish a multi-day.

With the virtual event, I get to sleep in my own bed and eat my own food and save travel costs. I am racing less these days as races now cost over $100 and race directors try to pack more and more people in. I saw a race where the course was 100 miles, a t-shirt and belt buckle were offered and I suppose timing; but otherwise, completely self supported. Why is that so different than my virtual race?

Would I cheat? No. Cheating would bother my conscience. The accomplishment has to mean something to me. Since I don\’t talk to very many people, there is no point in having a belt buckle that I cheated to get. I need the 100 miles to be my truth, not anyone else\’s.

Endurance has been a part of my character my whole life, even when I was a teenager. Even when I was a kid on a swim team. My whole life I\’ve wanted to do endless miles. I continue to figure out how to do that.

Easter Multi-day 2014

This was a great weekend for doing miles here in Seabrook. So, that is what I did. An experiment of time and distance; except, I knew I wasn\’t in the mood for more than 5 hours on any given day. I wanted to sleep in also.

Friday I did 4.5 hours and 18.5 miles. Plus a 40 min strength workout.
Saturday I did 4h26min and 19.2 miles.
Sunday I did 4h01min and 17.1 miles. Plus I\’ll probably do some strength this evening while I listen to the TED radio hour.

My foot did really well. Yeah, that foot which had surgery in September 2013.

What amazed me is that I am not all torn up that I\’m not celebrating Easter. I was practicing my Course in Miracles lessons. I did feel connected to my higher power. But I cannot for the life of me remember what was so important about Easter. This shocks me. I spent so many years as a Roman Catholic and also in a Benedictine monastery.

The God I worship doesn\’t seem to need special liturgy. If God is love, then there is nothing more to be done.

Voluntary poverty is to dismiss ego possessions; live with no kudos, no approval, no dopamine rewards, no special liturgy. Just be nice and pay your taxes.

Voluntary simplicity is to possess nothing. No honor, no rewards, no legacy, no other people. Just walk in silence.

If all you have is silence, you have made a good start on walking with God. My adult life is characterized by the quest for inner silence and God consciousness. This yields nothing in this world. It is about as silly as doing miles every day on a boring path in Seabrook, Texas.

Tomorrow begins another work week. But I am going to be a little slacker on the miles this week. I\’m going in a real race next Saturday.

I\’m finally accepting it….

I live in Texas. I live in this house and work at this place and there is no escape. I\’ve always escaped or somehow been moved on. So much so that I didn\’t realize how I was taking Texas as a temporary thing.

But yesterday, I bought a bookshelf for my upstairs bedroom and moved books from boxes onto the shelves. Somehow, this lent an air of permanence to my residence. People who move might leave the stuff in the boxes. People planning on staying some place will unpack and settle in.

The new bookcase tells me what I have decided.

This weekend was almost my first private multi-day since foot surgery. I jog/ walked for 5 hours and 20.5 miles on Friday. I cross trained for 2h47min on Saturday. Today, Sunday, I did another 3.5 hours and 15.35 miles of jog/ walk. I don\’t really plan all this. When I go out for a long run, I just go until I run out of time or it starts to hurt real bad. So yes I am training for a marathon. But no, I am not following a training plan. I just go out and if all is well, I keep going.

I don\’t know why I like to do miles. If I lived in the mountains, it might not seem so strange to spend a day hiking. But, it is very boring where I live. The deep reason for why I do this have not been discerned. But dreaming of endurance has been in my brain since a very young age. But like silence, my brain does not speak of why this must be so.

I have to quit asking questions of silence. I should quit expecting it to make me wise. Silence just is and must be enjoyed without demands.

To be in the world but not of it: At the practical level, it means not participating. Like not eating the food of the masses, or watching their TV, or doing a family, or … get the point? But one level down it means thinking different. This is possible if you train your synapses to respond differently. Another level down it means a focus in another direction. This means that life and all of its purposes and awarenesses and desires are in a direction not of this world. This is possible but not easy since distractions come along continuously.

They built monasteries to help this process. Men went to the desert to help this process. Had I stayed in the monastery, I\’d have to be \”of this world.\” A small enclosed world different from society; but a world none the less. I\’d have to conform to them and their religion. The knowledge that makes this world an illusion would not have been obtained. The deeper thinking is possible for one allowed intellectual and spiritual freedom; but not one confined in a religious prison.

I live as a solitary. I study spiritual material. I don\’t eat the meat or watch the TV. I don\’t have any ear worms except those from the 60s and 70s which are triggered frequently but not that often.

Jesus in not Lord. Christ just is.

More Miles

If you want to do endless miles, then just go do it. Today I did make it out of bed at a reasonable 6:30 and started walking at 7:50. I had no goal really. I just filled my hydro-pak with water and started walking in Meador Park.

I went 17 miles. When to stop?

The idea of miles is positively addicting for me.

I had 2 phrases from A Course in Miracles Chapter 6 in my mind: Alignment with light is unlimited. Allow no darkness in my mind. Over and over, realizing when I was thinking darkness and limits.

After about 3 hours, I had an enlightening moment. See, my mind had been roaming around the United States thinking of long distance races I want to do. Or just thinking of multi-days. Or thinking of how hard it is to do the miles without any sort of race or reward; just do the miles, write it in your book and go on. My left foot was slowly but surely getting sore.

Then after one of my phrase repetitions, it hit me: my mind IS unlimited!! That is IT! Yes, a crucial part of ACIM learned: I am not a body I am free. I am still as God created me. I get to choose all my thoughts. Nothing I see means anything. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….the little runner who could.

No More Awesome

Really, such an over used word. I\’m going to stop it. Seriously. I\’m sick of awesome.

In July of 2011, I wrote this:

I run because I have nothing else to do. This is intentional. I have designed my life for maximum running.

That I would decide to have nothing else scares many people. Or, it causes judgement. The decision is very different from people who run for exercise or run for speed and awards and accomplishment. I do get these, but I run without them anyway.

I was a runner when I was a nun; without a chance in hell of going in a race.

This morning, I woke up at 3:10, my usual time and got out of bed. I did my usual spiritual study and hit the roads by 4:15. I slow jogged for 5.5 hours. It was all completely uneventful. Nothing to see. No points of interests. Just me and my sweat, slow jogging, hills and ever increasing heat. Nothing good can possibly come of this. But I really want to go out again tomorrow. We\’ll see if sleep wins.

Now, April 2013, nothing much has changed about me. I\’ve been pretty much like this for most of my life. I still get up that early. I still run as long as I can on any given day. This morning I had a wonderful little jaunt in El Lago.

I was thinking about self transcendence and my Course in Miracles quest. This quest will be carried out. Even with a job change looming over my head. I see that the quest will continue.

I\’m excited about next weekend. If all goes well, it will be my first double marathon; a multi-day of sorts. I can do 26 miles without any problem with my toe nails. But if I do 50 miles, I\’m sure to lose a couple even with taping. I\’m hoping to become capable of a daily 26 miles.