Hermit Day

Friday, vacation day.

I got up at 5 am and had an hour of spiritual study. Then I went to 6:30 am Mass. In Mass, it is very quiet with 30 or so adults scattered throughout a large church. People sit quietly in meditation and are very respectful of the silence. Perhaps we are in awe as we remember the Consciousness of Love which watches over us always. I don\’t say anything to any one. My body speaks liturgical language too. Today, my mouth spoke only liturgical language until about 11:30, when I spoke to the lady at the license bureau.

After church, I went for a run. I went to Parkville by the Missouri River. It was about 12F, no wind, clear sky. I decided to wear my yak-trak since the path was half snow covered. How long should I run for? Until…..

While running, I thought about being a solitary semi-hermit and how that has transformed since I moved to the city. The starting point of each day is solitude and connection with God. Then I try to bring the awareness out. I continue to live as a marginalized person and have no intention of rejoining the group. But it is happy for me to finally accept this circumstance of my life. The spiritual has been my interest for over 30 years. It makes since that I wouldn\’t understand people who chose family or career or some other distraction from The One Consciousness Who Loves Us.
I explore silence for silence sake. I don’t choose it out of hate or injury but for the sake of it itself. Maybe I could say that I believe silence is for ego transcendence. The other side of the ego transcendence coin is acceptance of higher truth. Acceptance of higher truth can only happen beyond the ego. Being social bolsters the ego and noises out that which is higher.

There are so many interesting things I find when I consider solitude: the addictiveness of society, the programming undertaken to become social, the peer pressure saying I am wrong, the ego inflation when others praise me, the anger towards others, the judgments of others, the un-productivity of solitude, the worthlessness of the un-engaged solitary. But, I could walk away. I could give the ego and the turmoil up. It is consistent with A Course in Miracles (ACIM) to walk away because it denies the ego illusion and receives inner peace. I can go farther into “losing my life for Christ’s sake.”

ACIM is always reminding me that Christ is within, Christ is very silent. So, am I willing to let go of the world to a greater extent and stand in my truth? I stand naked and alone. Naked because I have no excuses for NOT being social (I am not too busy and I am local); yet, I choose silence. I am not trying to prove anything or be anything (like a monk or contemplative); yet I practice silence. I have a lot to learn.

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So…I ran around the park for 15 miles. Then, I decided to go ahead and finish another 5 miles as nothing bad was going on with my legs and I don\’t know what the weather and footing might be like on Sunday. 20 miles, 3;48, 3 Gu, some water.
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A quick stop to pay the sales taxes on my new car. The license bureau is in a pet store; so I bought a small token of appreciation for my spiritual guide, CM, who lives in Canada and prays for me. (hehe)
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Beyond Human Aid

I went to a 12 Step meeting yesterday. They read December 6 from a book called Daily Reflections. Here is part of what was read:

\”When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source
of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence
upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that
it would work where nothing else would.\” TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116

The meeting turned into a meeting on lonliness because 99% of the 30+ people there do not sit in silence and meditate; hence, they don\’t use God for emotional stability. They seek out the 12 step fellowship when they are having a tough time.

I\’ve found that only going into my hermitage and sitting silently with God, listening to the Voice for God, will help me when I am in emotional turmoil. Since it is usually other humans that disturb my ego; it makes sense to me that bringing the ego to the silence of God is the only remedy.

But even if not, I cannot really have an indepth conversation with most people because I have intentionally marginalized myself over the past ten years. I don\’t like to discuss things at the level of the material world. I like to discuss them from the perspective of the realm of the spirit or according to A Course in Miracles. So I am beyond human aid because the responses most people give me to anything I say are not at the level I\’m looking for.

Since I am beyond human aid, God is my Source, Teacher, Councilor and Guide. Once God becomes The One, it makes no sense to go read a self help book or a scripture commentary or obey some religious rule. These things are probably not telling you what the Voice for God is telling you. They are always a filter between you and the Voice for God. It doesn\’t mean that the Holy Spirit cannot use them, but the effectiveness of direct communication is so much more.

Most people don\’t trust themselves to obtain direct guidance. I wish they would just give it a try for a few years. They would find that the ability will develop into a vital sixth sense which will come through at every instance.

It has been years since I was able to relate to anyone face to face. I am only now coming to accept that this is my choice and to be expected and don\’t sweat it. I still need to progress in the Course in Miracles teaching that the world is an illusion and that bodies are not required for relationship. (Serious topic I won\’t try to explain at this time).

So I go to solitude and silence. My ego wants to yell at me about the other people. Unconsciously, I believe my ego\’s yammering judgments about the other people. When I am conscious, I go to Jesus and say, \”Jesus, I believe my ego even though I know better than to judge. I admit that this insanity is in my mind but I cannot get out of my thinking by myself. Please help me.\” What I immediately heard was, \”Stop listening to your ego. Seek the silence.\” STOP listening to the wrong voice….duh! That was easy, but I had to go into my hermitage and seek silence in order to hear this.

Saturday, I had a nice 20 mile run. Yesterday a nice 11 mile run. This morning, I decided to run on the sidewalk because the road was icy. I tripped over a crack! Fell down anyway! (No serious damage). So, it is supposed to snow tonight and tomorrow. It means that outdoor running for the next two or three months will be chancy depending on footing. Yes, I have all the equipment like screwed shoes, yak trak and spikes. None of these a totally dependable. So, the treadmill gets used alot more. It is because of the weather that I have not signed up for the Run for the Ranch Marathon on 12/27; I just don\’t know if I\’ll even feel like making a three hour drive!

Love

I love being an athlete. I love how my body feels right now. I didn\’t lift weights in Germany; but I did on Thursday and today. Now, several of my muscles are sore. Always, my shoulders quiver during the weight workouts. I love that. The people in my life are sedentary, except for Art, a guy at work who uses the weight room when I do. He loves working out.

Yesterday, I did a 24.3 mile run in about 10.3 minutes per mile. Not fast but not shabby either. I love how my legs feel after about 3 hours of running. Long runs are not free. This one lingers as there is an ice pack on my ankle. Yet, I had a wonderful short run on the levy this morning. It is so freeing to just jog along with no particular goal in mind.

I love being a spiritual athlete. I love my daily spiritual study. I love special workouts in solitude. Solitude relates to running long slow distance. After a few hours of being alone in my apartment, my intuition opens and I have \”communication.\”

Love for athleticism and spirituality is not understood by most. Yet, my love is so great, I have given up my life to it.