Nothing Again

Last week, the big thing is that I was running a race. I ran over 200 miles in 7 days. I won the 7 day and 10 day portions of the race. I got swag and gift cards. All was focused and attention getting.

This week, back to work. I did not injure myself in my running, so I was also back to normal workouts. More miles and more weights. I did a great job in my hazard analysis this week. I achieved some very good consensus in my facilitation. It is fun to see HAZOP team very engaged in reducing the hazards of their process and not just bored or worried about how much it will cost.

Now it is Friday. I have space and time. I have perused all the race calendars at least once and don\’t see a race I completely want to sign up for. I face again the reality that activities can be a distraction from going inward.

What I want to find is within. The trick is that when I achieve the mental silence and practice the contemplation, my ego doesn\’t get anything. No big emotional moment. No ecstasy. No book to write. No greatness to show the world.

So, my mantra today is from A Course in Miracles workbook: This is a day of stillness and of peace.

Less than 10 days to my 7th anniversary of being a Course in Miracles student. Less than 19 days to my 29th sobriety anniversary, which will coincidentally also be the 11th anniversary since leaving the convent. This time is holy; as is all time.

It is Houston. It is not that hot today.

And now let go.


The Promise

Earlier today, I was standing at gate 98C in Newark airport, awaiting flight 1199 to Houston. I was going to be on time. I was standing next to a power source and it wasn\’t long before someone asked me if I was going to use the plugs. I said no. She put her phone on it. I was looking at my boarding pass. A female pilot wandered over to charge her phone. We got to talking. Somehow, the United boarding process came up. I mentioned that I was one of the regular people. I\’m not platinum, gold, or anything.

I looked again at that boarding pass.

My boarding pass was a miracle in itself. It represented me being in Newark about 5 hours earlier than originally planned; and that United had changed my flights without charge and the first flight from Ottawa had arrived in time to make my connection. I suddenly blurted out to random stranger plugging in her phone, \”Just think, I\’ll get to Houston, no traffic on Beltway 8, no traffic on 225, no traffic on 146.\”

She was not from Houston and had no idea what I was talking about. But I had blurted out an impossible situation; there is never no traffic on these highways at 5:30 pm.

On the other hand, as I looked at the paper boarding pass, I thought it represented a promise. A promise from some higher authority that I would be taken care of.

Amazingly enough, I drove home from the airport, 40 miles during rush hour, without a single bad traffic area.

I have spent most of the day in steel tubes flying through the air. But, I was also alone it seemed. I thought of my medal picture from the Ottawa 2012 half marathon:

It is a still life.

This morning, I spent 3 hours in a car with someone feeling tension. Now, I am driving home, 2,000 miles and hours away from this morning. As I drove the last few miles to my home in Houston, I felt the stillness of the picture. It is a memory of an event, a memory of living flowers. It is a memorial of an experience. It is silent.

I am a girl who will go on running. I will go into my elliptical now. I will do my balance exercises today. I just had my green tea and there is fresh spinach in the fridge. My boss has already sent an e-mail asking if I would help a colleague.

But, alone, I feel the stillness. It is so beautiful, I may cry. Thank You Stillness.