Post Traumatic Knee Disorder

lol!

In November, in a fluke walking incident, I strained my ACL. I didn\’t know what was wrong, and running wasn\’t affected too much. I didn\’t know if it was something that would heal on its own. But finally in January, I decided to see a sports med doctor. The guy didn\’t know alot, but I did get an MRI. Then this sports med doctor said I had a mild ACL strain. But go see a knee orthopedist.

Yesterday, that finally happened. The ACL is healed. There is another problem with my knee cap, which is damage from when I was growing up. Nothing to do about it now except stay off stairs as much as possible and don\’t do anything like squats or lunges or wall sits; or ride a bicycle with the seat down too far. The ortho doc asked if I was a runner, then didn\’t bother to tell me to stop running. He knew I couldn\’t do that.

Well, if I\’m to have this problem, it is a good thing I now live in Texas where there are absolutely no hills to run on.

So, as an endurance athlete, I continue with my life of working out. Today, I jog/walked for 4 hours. This is the longest time I\’ve done in a month. As I lay on my bed this afternoon, I was contemplating my afternoon workout and my run tomorrow. It is impossible: my legs are a bit sore, my left heel is screaming as usual and I am planning more.

What is wrong with my brain? Why do I do this? Why do I sign up for 12 hour races when I know full well that my legs will be painfully tired from it?

After much contemplation, I can\’t say it is for glory as it used to be. It is not for a spiritual reward as it used to be. It could be for the experience of camaraderie I feel in such lap type endurance runs. It could be just to be. It could be for nothing. It could be a retreat into peace.

Post ACL, I feel more tentative; even as I watch the force of my will inexorably drive me forward.

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