Lesson 140 – Self Respect

Bits of the ACIM text:

Let my interfering thoughts be laid aside.
Be still and listen to the truth.
My mind holds only what I think with God.

Now 2 days after my ultra run and I want to go running, but one toe is still painful. Rats!

Brunton says, \”Even if a man fails to win at business, he will grandly win his own self respect.\” That is the person who practices spiritual principles. That helps me because I just realized, I can\’t like myself just as I am. I mean, I don\’t have the ability. My ego is just too petty. Sadly I have no inner self respect. I continually measure myself against others. People pleasing is all I have. Despite years of personal inventory, I\’ve not so clearly realized this.

As soon as I got out of bed this morning, I had to work on my toe. The blister is not infected but it is still a raw hunk of flesh. Now I will shamble over to my elliptical and gently work out.

As I did my elliptical, I though about my small self who is my worldly consciousness; and that elusive Higher Self, not ordinary consciousness. I thought about a line in a book: he is like a person who has lost his legs. He never grows new ones. I thought about how some parents give their children an innate sense of self worth.

When it comes to self worth, I was never given it and won\’t grow it either.  In the world, I am successful, but never feel it as an innate sense, only if a dopamine reward went with it. No wonder I find relations with other people so frightening. I\’m so dependent on their reactions.

As I rode my elliptical, I was glad for this realization. It also led to another realization. Now that I know I have no self respect, I can peacefully go on with life. Psychotherapists try to coach their patients into building self esteem. I say, forget it. Just go on. Oh gee, I don\’t have legs. Well, just go on. I\’m screwed. Oh, ok, fine. Just go on.

On the other hand, it is evidence of a Higher Self, or I\’d not be able to say, Just go on.

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