Self Consciousness

This week: 18.75 hours of aerobic type exercise (of which 11.75 hours were running). 4 strength workouts. Yesterday, my long run was 21.6 miles of 9x1s on the flat. Today was 3h45 on trails.

Overall, my attitude is good. I continue to have no racing goals (although I keep toying with going in a quiet race on 10/31). The New Balance were comfortable for a long run yesterday, so I guess I\’ll stop using the Mizuno Wave Creation 11s. (crap).

I keep asking myself, why do I do this? And I don\’t really have a rational answer. Saying I want to isn\’t really an answer. But since I don\’t really know why I am alive at all, why should I know why I run? But I am sure that the future will bring the answer.

My long runs continue to be hours of answering my negative ego with a spiritual message. I do this continuously, not allowing my head to be wrapped up in worldly issues while I workout. This is a blessing as it carries over into my daily life. It is mind training for extended periods which I couldn\’t do for that long just sitting on a cushion.

On Saturdays and Sundays, after my morning run, shower and eating, I meditate. I sit still and keep my mind still. I am hoping for a thought which comes from the inside. I think I sense the Consciousness of Self. Self is silent. When I remember to attend to Self, I never want to stop.

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